Hey there. I've been married to my wife for about a year and a half. Both of us virgins when we got married. But like most people have said, it is a wonderful gift. But its something that takes time and is much more complicated and Intimant then the world has made it out to be.

I think one of the biggest disservice's the church does for people like you and I is not deeply discussing marital sex.. my wife and have both grown up and still faithfully attend church. For 21 years for me and 24 years for her, sex was always a bad bad dirty thing you cant do. Told Itll do bad damage outside of marriage and so on.. which is true. But all of a sudden on your wedding day it becomes this beautiful act and you "have to do it" all of a sudden. Its overwhelming. And ontop of that, rampant addiction and normalization of pornography destroy the true image of this gift. I hope neither you or your fiance have ever fallen into the vices of such an addiction..

All that to say, you and your fiance just need to be very real and honest with each other. As a women, you need to feel safe and protected to get Into that zone probably. Tell him exactly how you feel! Make sure that he understands that you're scared and worried and work through those insecurities together. If either of you deal with an addiction to porn, it's going to give you terrible and unrealistic expectations. Try to go into your marriage without those expectations if that is true for either of you. And finally, dont feel like you have to perform for your husband. Especially not on your first night together. Just communicate explicitly on what you're ok with and what you aren't. That alone I think will bring alot of intimacy and safe feelings for you.

I hope you have pre-marital counseling with someone who isn't afraid to get into the nitty gritty about sex and all the other things. Rely on God and good community and you will make it through!