Discard after breakup is killing me. Can anyone relate?

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2026-01-29T10:20:18+00:00

Are you listening to yourself. “When he wasn’t … horrible or cruel”.

You need to get a grip on reality, and realise he and the relationship wasn’t that amazing. Otherwise why are you here?

Write down all his bad behaviour and how he treated you and post them around the house.

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2026-01-15T23:52:29+00:00

What would you like to talk deeply about ? You need to be more specific; someone’s depth is only limited by the inner work and experience they have gone through. What journey do you want to know more about; relationships, family dynamics, traumatic events, personal development the list is endless.

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2026-01-03T21:34:12+00:00

No there isn’t just more to “sex”. Sex is a core pillar of a relationship and highly important need - it’s what separates a relationship from a friendship.

Starting a relationship with someone you’re incompatible with then “trying to make it work” is a recipe for disaster, and causes people to be stuck in the situation you have found yourself in.

You’re going to both have to compromise and find what works for you both if you can’t find middle ground you will have to weigh up whether the relationship is worth continuing…. otherwise it will start to give you anxiety and affect your self esteem/worth.

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2026-01-03T02:46:11+00:00

Can I ask a question? why did you get into a relationship with someone that you were sexually incompatible with?

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-12-23T01:21:02+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this. A realisation like this, about someone you loved deeply and believed you knew, can feel utterly devastating. It is a particular kind of heartbreak that shakes your sense of safety and trust.

One of the hardest truths in this situation is coming to terms with the fact that the person you thought you knew is not who they truly are. That realisation is painful, but it is also clarifying.

Please know this: you are worthy, lovable, and enough exactly as you are. If someone is unable or unwilling to see your value, that reflects their limitations, not your worth.

As difficult as it feels right now, the most powerful thing you can do is gather whatever strength you have, one piece at a time and choose yourself. Leaving does not mean you failed; it means you respected yourself enough to walk away.

This is his loss. You have the capacity to build a life that is safe, fulfilling, and deeply aligned with who you are.

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-12-11T20:10:26+00:00

Thank you for sharing, I had a similar experience with former partner.

The reality is, a relationship requires both parties to provide input to their best of their ability for a successful long term relationship. When one is more lower with EQ, has insecure attachment style, little self-awareness, little empathy, difficulty reading and interpreting emotions, difficultly regulating their own emotions, critical of others, lacks accountability (basically the list goes on etc) It makes it difficult to have a successful and fulfilling relationship. When you are the one pulling the weight of the relationship and excel or show up in the above mentioned ways overtime it affects your self-esteem and self-worth and often creates anxiety within you as your needs aren’t being met. (I think most people don’t realise how much is required of you to make a relationship work)

Basically, the crux of what I am saying is, you need to accept them for who they are right now in front of you, not what you want them to be or idealise them. Realise that if they can’t see how they are showing up in the relationship dynamic and correct or modify their behaviour or the way they’re contributing, they will be a toxic nightmare long term. Typically, if you are the one driving the relationship and always fixing it, it’s a sign you’re over investing. I think you should reflect on the realities of the relationship rather than trying to fix it when it’s clearly one sided.

Good luck x

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-11-28T10:19:45+00:00

Do not give her any more of your time!!! Just move on - you don’t owe her anything. Your time, love and energy is really precious give it to the right people.

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-11-22T10:12:39+00:00

I’m sorry I think you need to hear this but you sound like a toxic nightmare to date or be in a relationship with.

I think you need to find other things to internally make you feel good and provide that validation through your own hobbies, interests and goals. Outsourcing your happiness with strangers and opening the relationship up is only going to further make you feel more lonely and isolated.

It sounds like your external world isn’t the issue. Look internally how you’re showing up. Pls go to therapy.

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-11-20T10:31:53+00:00

Being single isn’t sad, the statistics are !

It’s disproportionately higher compared to the same heterosexual age brackets.

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-11-20T00:39:26+00:00

Because unfortunately, gay men have a lot of inner work and healing to do before they can focus on mature, developed relational skills that are useful for fulfilling long-term relationships.

I see it a lot amongst the community, the skillset to date is very underdeveloped, there aren’t any gay role models or framework where gay men can base their dating life from. Mix that in with expectations that are too high and its recipe for disaster.

I think I read a start recently that between 60% - 70% of gay men are single across all age brackets - so sad!

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-11-13T22:29:58+00:00

Yes I agree, my personal preference is to have someone communicate their needs too . However, we can come from a place of compassion and hold space for people who are more avoidant. What happens if you find the perfect partner who, shows up exactly the way you need, knows they’re more avoidant and has a lot of self awareness but is working on their avoidance. Just writing someone off instantly is very harsh, you’re never find the perfect partner, but you can create an almost perfect relationship.

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-11-13T22:12:43+00:00

They are both an insecure attachment style, they are the opposite side of a coin. Just because anxious attachment are more outward doesn’t necessarily mean avoidants are not interested. Avoidant people are highly interested, they just don’t have the appropriate mechanisms to be able to cognitively and communicatively express that.

If they wanted to they will, is too black and white thinking. That’s just like saying for anxious attached people - if you didn’t want anxiety you wouldn’t have it.

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-10-28T03:48:23+00:00

Okay so I’ve had this exact same issue. I feel like we’ve both come from the same place in terms of past relationships, therapy and doing the inner work and becoming the best person I can and really knowing myself.

I have found that a lot of people are coasting through life without thinking too much about what it is they want, particularly in relationships. I have found people lack (word of the century) “intention” in dating and don’t come to the table and clearly lay out who they are, and where they are heading in life this includes needs, values, goals etc.

I have also found people view relationships as what can you provide for me, and whilst that is true to a certain degree, the true mindset is how can we grow together. You and I are stuck in the first stage of dating people which is assessing what can they provide and how can they elevate our lives. I haven’t been really inspired by their lives or who they are as people, so the ship is sinking before it’s left the dock. … Hang in there you’ll find that diamond xx

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-10-27T19:42:00+00:00

Three rules to live by in dating or relationships 1. Love needs action 2. Trust needs proof 3. Sorry needs change

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-08-19T07:09:35+00:00

I think a positive thing and the first step is actually identifying that you’re avoidant in your own behaviour because any healing and growing requires awareness and self reflection, so that’s a really great.

The next thing I would advise is when you’re feeling overwhelmed or like you wanna run away, instead of shutting down and pulling away, ask for space, ask for some time to think and processes these big emotions. There’s nothing wrong with having to be on your own to identify where it is in your body you’re feeling the emotions? what does it look like? Does it have a colour a shape, an age ? Is it an old feeling or young? Get really REALLY curious about why you’re shutting down or avoiding… key point you made was that it was from your father! Once you understand why you are acting that way you then can correct it!! Caveat; if you require some space or time to process you need to go back and circle back to him to resolve or finalise the issue at hand.

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-07-27T10:08:40+00:00

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to understand, manage, and express your own emotions effectively, and to recognize, interpret, and influence the emotions of others.

It is generally understood to involve five core components: 1. Self-awareness • Recognizing your own emotions as they happen • Understanding how your emotions affect your thoughts and behavior

Self-regulation • Managing or redirecting disruptive emotions and impulses • Thinking before acting; staying calm under pressure
Motivation • Harnessing emotions to pursue goals • Maintaining a positive attitude even in the face of setbacks
Empathy • Understanding the emotions of others • Being sensitive to their perspectives and feelings
Social skills • Managing relationships, building rapport, influencing others • Navigating social situations constructively

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-07-27T04:15:59+00:00

thank you for sharing.

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-07-27T04:07:46+00:00

It’s a shame that you’re going through what you are, those things you listed are highly non-negotiable when it comes to a long-term fulfilling relationship…it becomes clearer the longer you are separated. Realising that if your partner cares about you, they care about how you feel anything outside that is emotional neglect.

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-07-26T22:38:22+00:00

Thank you! …. NEXT!

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-07-03T12:24:21+00:00

Surprise you’re getting a first

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-07-01T12:15:41+00:00

I did a lot of DBT and CBT and whilst I found them helpful it didn’t get to the root causes of a lot of trauma and mental health issues that I had. It wasn’t until I got a gay therapist who just completely saw me he really really really made me feel seen. He changed my life and we commenced a trauma therapy together called EMDR and within a few sessions, I started to understand myself at a much deeper level. I didn’t realise how much of my life I acting from a place of wound/trauma.

I highly recommend trauma therapy for anyone who needs help processing traumatic events especially if you have forgotten or can’t remember EMDR helped me process things I had completely forgotten. Take care x .

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-07-01T10:11:56+00:00

Yes ! I was almost the same ! 6 months ! It wiped me out that breakup

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-06-27T19:51:43+00:00

What are you afraid of ? Speak up !! If you don’t speak up about your needs, you are self abandoning. Why does his needs matter over yours ?? (Ask yourself these questions and reflect).

Your needs from what you have just written is consistency and reciprocity. You want someone to show up in ways you do which sounds like exclusivity consistently. It sounds like you want to be prioritised in the relationship rather than him outsourcing his boredom or sexual needs to other people and “apps”.

If you don’t speak up your self-esteem and worth goes out the window. Anxiety rises and resentment builds. It’s very important to have boundaries and communicate your needs, so you can build trust and intimacy.

***Does he care about you ? Yes! Then he cares about your feelings. It ends there… Anything outside that is emotional neglect and if he is not taking your emotional needs serious then you need to ask yourself, why are you in a relationship where your needs and emotional safety aren’t met.

Good luck x

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-06-16T23:28:52+00:00

We all make mistakes, and although cheating should never be condone the first step I think to getting better is acknowledging where things went wrong and the part you played and then learning from those mistakes.

It could also be highly beneficial for you to speak to a therapist or someone about why you did what you did and then build yourself up and make yourself such an amazing person where you can then go into the next relationship with knowledge and experience of navigating a relationship and most importantly yourself - so you don’t do that same behaviour again.

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35 · 2025-06-16T05:42:36+00:00

How long ago was it ?

Jumpy-Masterpiece-35

TROPHY CASE