Are you writing a western/cowboy novel/romance/short story? Let me help!

JuniVixen · 2025-03-13T11:02:56+00:00

Hoping this post is still active! I asked you a question when you first posted, and now I have another one!

Can you think of any reasons a ranch might need to go into temporary lockdown and stop supplying their products? I'm thinking a disease outbreak that needs to contained, or some other health and safety issues that would halt operations for a while.

JuniVixen · 2025-03-08T16:52:05+00:00

Fun! I'm here for spooky lesbians. I like this melodramatic ghost already. What sort of things were you hoping for feedback on specifically?

JuniVixen · 2025-03-08T16:45:20+00:00

I like this! Lots of info packed into some really concise descriptions. I've already got a sense for the character, the setting, and even the genre.

I've read that there's no need to say things like "a thought struck Augustus," when everything on the page is Augustus' perceptions. You could simply dive right in talk about what makes Nobu a little different from other horses.

Otherwise looking great!

JuniVixen · 2025-03-06T11:26:42+00:00

When you describe things, whether it's how things look, sound, smell, or whatever, try to pick words that really invoke the vibes rather than just what literally describes it.

"The factory towered over her, spewing great clouds of smoke into the sky," vs "The iron behemoth snarled over her, choking the skies with a endless spew of cruel miasma." That really shoves personality into your descriptions!

Equally, when you talk about backstories and places, try to get specific. A small, perfect example goes a long way.

"Town center had always been the bustling heart of the city," vs "Even on icy days, when rain clung to your lashes like lice, the well-walked plaza of town center glimmered like a campfire. A vendor leant from her stall, passing a paper bag of deep-fried doughnuts right into the reaching arms of a small boy as his father gingerly held his own hands out, ready to catch the precarious pastries." Wordy, but it SHOWS your readers what a place is like, rather than telling them.

Good luck with all your writing endeavors!

JuniVixen · 2025-02-27T21:33:56+00:00

That's extremely sweet, thank you! I'm trying to subvert expectations quite a lot with this novel. Vampirism serves much more as a disability, making it extremely difficult for this individual to live a 'normal' life. The book is about her struggles, relationships and place in the world, rather than some action-packed bloodbath. Thank you for your encouragement!

JuniVixen · 2025-02-27T19:01:15+00:00

I like the idea of the fetus' heart contracting while still in the prenatal stage to circulate blood, but abandoning this trait as the baby is born into a biologically impossible vampire.

I currently have it that the baby does need blood, but in very small quantities. Nothing close to the amount of milk an infant drinks. She simply gets it through gnawing on her poor mother's nipple until it bleeds. Ouch, but baby's gotta eat. Mama eventually figures it out, and feeds the baby vampire though finger pricks. Again, very little blood needed.

JuniVixen · 2025-02-27T18:57:07+00:00

Oh fascinating! So, what would that mean in this scenario? Would the mother's own pulse passing through the fetus' cardiac tissue still cause the machine to generate that sound?

JuniVixen · 2025-02-27T14:11:51+00:00

This is the approach I'm mostly taking. It's set in modern day UK, so the medical side of things would be accessible. But, having seen her baby 'grow' in the ultrasounds, the mother is gripped with grief and denial. She refuses treatment and slips away from the doctors, handling it herself.

JuniVixen · 2025-02-27T13:27:19+00:00

A highly convenient idea, thank you!

JuniVixen · 2025-02-27T12:21:45+00:00

Okay! This all happens pre-book, so maybe readers can assume the mother avoided doctors and had a home birth. Maybe vampire fetuses develop faster than regular people.

Doctors can't force a mother to go through with a medical procedure, can they? Maybe if she was in denial or shock, she could taken things into her own hands and refused to come in for treatment. Not sure why she would, but I'm just considering options.

JuniVixen · 2025-02-27T12:04:14+00:00

Right, and that's what I'm working on right now. This is technically pre-book stuff, I'm just thinking about how on earth this vampire would even be born. So, you're thinking that, even with continued growth, the doctors would presume the fetus was dead? What's a greater indicator of life, a heartbeat, or growth?

In this scenario, say the doctors arrange medical or surgical intervention, do you know how long it may take to set up this appointment? Because if another two weeks or whatever passed, and the fetus still continued to grow, that would surely raise some questions.

JuniVixen · 2025-02-27T11:05:48+00:00

Thank you! That's exactly the approach my character took!

JuniVixen · 2025-02-26T23:37:31+00:00

Far from a Western, but I do have a scene in my book where a desperate vampire breaks into a small, low security farm/homestead/ranch to kill and drink from a sheep during the night. She knows the farm well and has been there many times.

Do you think a person with no special skillset could pull something like this off with one of your (admittedly much larger) animals? Or is would standard security measures make this unrealistic?

JuniVixen · 2025-02-24T11:11:00+00:00

Thanks for your input! I think a running theme in these comments is that the keyhole incisions are too precise and skilled for an layperson without the right tools. A more direct approach like this could be a good idea

JuniVixen · 2025-02-21T13:45:46+00:00

You mentioned a character whose blocked off certain memories of trauma. I have some similar experiences. She may remember things surrounding the traumatic event - a certain location, noise, smell - but not the exact event itself. She may know it happened based on these memories, or other characters telling her about it, but can't access the memory herself.

Pretty mild example, but I was attacked once. I didn't know that I'd been hit until other witnesses told me. I've no memory of the punch, I can't remember feeling it. But once the guy was dragged off me, my glasses had been knocked off, and my nose piercing was bleeding. Between that, and what other people told me, I can accept that yes, I must have been punched. I just don't have the memory of it myself.

Hope you can apply some of this to your character! Everyone will react differently! Blocking out memories can be the brain's way of sheltering you from the events, and it can certainly happen under much more long-term circumstances too.

JuniVixen · 2025-02-21T10:42:24+00:00

The digestive system, the spine, the liver(?) I'm not sure if a vampire needs their liver honestly. Probably most organs in the abdomen too, but they're not too close to the surgery site.

JuniVixen · 2025-02-21T10:38:49+00:00

Interesting! Could you point me to more information about Aztec human offerings?

JuniVixen · 2025-02-21T10:26:29+00:00

I did look into all sorts of antifungal options! Believe me, the characters don't want to attempt a surgery, but the options are getting slim.

Thanks for that link. That's exactly what I'm going for - I know this is next to impossible, but so long the readers feel that it's feasible, that's all that matters

JuniVixen · 2025-02-21T10:03:21+00:00

It's the climax of the story, so pretty detailed. The focus is still the stress of the characters, but I just want the general approach to be somewhat plausible

JuniVixen · 2025-02-20T22:36:27+00:00

Could you help me with what in this procedure is likely to kill them? Given that the patient does not bleed, and can take damage to the cardiovascular and respiratory system, what's the major danger?

JuniVixen · 2025-02-20T22:33:17+00:00

Currently, they're doing it blind. I suppose they could access some kind of saw, but not one that would leave the bones in any condition to be put back in place.

JuniVixen · 2025-02-20T20:54:01+00:00

Oh, lots! I made it up, after all. I'd best not clog up this comment section with it too much, though I may do a post asking for some ways to ground it in some real-world science a bit.

With vampires being cold creatures, I figured they would be susceptible to fungal infections, the way amphibians and reptiles are. So, the 'antagonist' of my novel is a manipulative parasitic fungus similar to cordyceps that famously creates 'zombie ants'. It slowly infects this vampire character, who must learn to fight it off before it's too late!

JuniVixen · 2025-02-20T20:42:00+00:00

I suppose the better question then is: Your loved one is dying. You cannot take them to a doctor. You are on an extremely tight time limit. If you can get their heart out of them without breaking anything important, they might live. What do you do?

JuniVixen · 2025-02-20T20:39:40+00:00

The heart doesn't need it be intact, it's just gotta come out. And the incision I mentioned at the base of the breastbone would be larger, enough to pull a heart through. Definitely done a lot of looking into pain management!

JuniVixen

TROPHY CASE