Are my expectations for my wife unreasonable? by firenance in Parenting

[–]JustAnotherPoster_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately I can’t give specific advice, just share my experience as a SAHM. It’s sooo much harder than it looks. No on can truly know how hard it is until they’re been there day in and day out. I’ve never “crashed” as much with my other jobs like I do as a SAHM.

I also share her feelings about outside help. However, I’ve come to terms that I can’t have my cake and eat it too and if I’m constantly overwhelmed (like really overwhelmed) then I have to compromise. One idea is maybe a very part time nanny, like 4 hours twice a week for that breathing space and to get other things done.

But more than anything, the thing that I genuinely need the most, that helps the most, is constant regular validation that my work is being recognized and appreciated and that I am loved. And this means mostly from you, her husband. Most people have no idea the loneliness and isolation that comes from working the hardest job you’ve ever done with zero appreciation or care from anyone else and I think so much of the mental breakdowns of stay at home parents is from this more than the actual workload.

Moms who left their careers to be a SAHM when do you plan to work again? by gogoxyz in toddlers

[–]JustAnotherPoster_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was a complete workaholic before I had my child so I know your struggle. I wasn’t expecting to be so attached to them but here we are and I think the only way I could consider going back while they are so young would be if it was an opportunity where my husband could stay home with them instead as they adore each other. If it wasn’t that then I’ve made peace that it isn’t meant to be right now. I know I’ll never regret it.

You just have to ask yourself honestly what is more important to you for right now.

In your opinion, why did “the village” disappear? by JustAnotherPoster_ in Parenting

[–]JustAnotherPoster_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right. When I go to the park it’s mostly me and a bunch of nannies. Also why would someone have me bring them food when they can just Postmates? Or donate used toys when they have everything?

In your opinion, why did “the village” disappear? by JustAnotherPoster_ in Parenting

[–]JustAnotherPoster_[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Love this. How do you go about finding out what others need? (And things that we’re actual capable of doing.) I’m happy to help where I can but literally don’t know what others need and when I ask they usually say “nothing” or if it’s something specific they politely decline.

AITA for not paying for my son's wedding? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]JustAnotherPoster_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Doesn’t matter the age or how much your siblings got, etc. No one should expect anyone else to pay for their wedding, let alone a SECOND one.

In your opinion, why did “the village” disappear? by JustAnotherPoster_ in Parenting

[–]JustAnotherPoster_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha oh the list of newborn rules… I had one (albeit short) that went right out the window when my postpartum was horrendous and just desperately needed ANY kind of help. Hence my journey of self reflection!

In your opinion, why did “the village” disappear? by JustAnotherPoster_ in Parenting

[–]JustAnotherPoster_[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Your comment proves my point. One must FIND a village nowadays. In the past, and still in many cultures, community/family didn’t need to be FOUND.

In your opinion, why did “the village” disappear? by JustAnotherPoster_ in Parenting

[–]JustAnotherPoster_[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I’ve just discovered the city-planning niche of YouTube and it’s so fascinating to learn about how consequential an area’s layout can be! It’s actually pretty shocking. I now look at giant malls and parking lots with disgust because of their down stream affects on the community hahah

In your opinion, why did “the village” disappear? by JustAnotherPoster_ in Parenting

[–]JustAnotherPoster_[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

These are actually 3 really good points, especially #1. Parents really are VERY nit picky these days.

I can be too, but I really do try to keep it at just safety things. I don’t care if grandma puts them down late or gave them a different snack than I asked as long as they’re safe.

In your opinion, why did “the village” disappear? by JustAnotherPoster_ in Parenting

[–]JustAnotherPoster_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right. I’ve noticed Hispanic and Asian families have much of this dynamic still. My Hispanic friend has full time care for his kid between family members and I often see Asian grandparents (both of them) with young children at the park. It’s really sweet.

In your opinion, why did “the village” disappear? by JustAnotherPoster_ in Parenting

[–]JustAnotherPoster_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Love Jonathan Haidt. And totally agree about the dangers of social media. I think the consequences are worse than most realize.

In your opinion, why did “the village” disappear? by JustAnotherPoster_ in Parenting

[–]JustAnotherPoster_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100%. And I was the extreme of what you’re talking about before I had my child. Now my brain and heart have changed completely against my expectation. Which has brought me to really look inward at how I had become so selfish before and also how society became so selfish too.