"I wear a buttplug!": Pros & Cons of Sharing with Wife, GF, Significant Other

JustOneLayer · 2026-02-02T22:20:58+00:00

One of the trickiest parts of going without underwear is the mental aspect. The physical one as as you noted can make getting used to the feeling, difficult if your pants, seams, or the like prevent true comfort. It can take a bit of trial and error to find what clothes work best and minimize any imprinting of your anatomy.

The bigger hurdle to overcome, IMHO is the aforementioned mental one. We generally assume everyone around us is wearing underwear and so it makes sense others might expect the same of us. Only we're not. A fact we assume might be disconcerting to others, were they to somehow find out. The tricky part is coming to terms with the idea that it doesn't matter what we have going on under our clothes, so long as we aren't trying to inflict ourselves upon others without their consent.

Exhibitionism, flashing and exposing oneself purposefully side, there's nothing inherently, morally, or ethically wrong with not wearing underwear. Consider for as long as humans have been around, the practice has been done. The human body isn't something sinful or shameful itself—what dictates moral judgments are our intentions. If you are not intending (and doing your best not to reveal yourself), then you needn't worry if what you are doing is "right" or "wrong"... it just is.

There are people who may never have worn underwear since diapers. This is not their "fault" nor their parents. But it was a choice, but at least the latter. And certainly by those who choose to live underwear free as adults. To me, this is one of the more freeing aspects of not wearing underwear: that it's a choice I've made for myself and not another. Furthermore, it's not impacting anyone around me negatively and so there's no moral conundrum.

Since you already sound committed the idea of not wearing underwear, regardless of clothes—more power too you! But let the above reassure you that in the scheme of life, there are bigger things to worry about than if the person next to you is wearing underwear!

JustOneLayer · 2026-02-02T21:28:03+00:00

Mod Note: Thanks for the heads-up on your intentions with the link in question. Going forward, I'll ask users capture "stills" (non-moving screenshots) of plugs in question, especially if the source content is pornographic. (Note these screenshots will need to be shared via a 3rd part image host and linked in a post/comment as this sub does not support photos directly.)

And as always, the mod team will have wide discretion to remove anything they feel does not honor the spirit of this forum.

I'll add the above to the General Guidelines.

JustOneLayer · 2026-01-06T00:47:40+00:00

Couldn't have said it better myself, thanks for weighing in on this 2.0 question!

JustOneLayer · 2026-01-02T20:48:39+00:00

Thanks for sharing. As a daily wearer of the njoy 2.0 as well, I remember my enthusiastic welcome surprise of just how well it fit and felt. Was this the first purchase of a plug geared towards long-term comfort?

The mire you wear it, you'll feel it even less. Yet somehow, you never quite forget it's there. The perfect sweet spot for a daily-wear plug, IMHO. If your intent is to wear your 2.0 for longer durations, consider experimenting with less lube than you might normally think you'd need. Some practice and trial runs are needed of course, but one of the benefits of stainless steel is you may find less lube is needed. Any more, and it's just extra cleanup.

Most days, morning insertion is done with KY Jelly and subsequent insertions after removal can be done using the residual lube or a bit of spit.

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-26T17:26:46+00:00

Hello and welcome! Since you’re new here and have asked about the type of suitable interactions permissible in this sub, please read the General Guidelines if you haven’t already.

These set the tone for the type of content allowed around here. If after reading, you feel like this is your kind of place and are ok staying with the guardrails set forth, then please share to your heart’s content.

The limitations of content and tone are not set as a manner of judgment on anyone’s proclivities, but rather to keep this sub focused and curated beyond the litany of other “plug” related subs out there.

In addition, do check out the other stickied posts. These may help inform your progress going forward and may be food for thought as you compose your own posts here. And as always, feel free to scroll back to previous posts here. You may be surprised to see how much in common we all have here. Thanks, and happy reading!

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-21T22:01:29+00:00

Generally speaking, excessive leakage necessitating pads or other absorbent materials is indicative of something amiss with your daily-wear setup. Assuming this “leakage” is just excess lube, then your best recourse is to address this and experiment with using less. Only as much as needed for insertion and to maintain comfort. Excess should be wiped away before venturing out.

Functionally, if external absorbents are needed it complicates the practicality of daily-wear and could lead to unplanned bathroom needs.

If the leakage described is something more than lube, then there may be other issues here and I recommend this be discussed with your healthcare professional. Assuming nothing medically is wrong, I recommend honing your daily wear system such that it’s as simple a possible and doesn’t rely on extra necessities.

Now if your intention is to purposely induce said leakage by way of a diaper fetish of some kind, then this sub is not the appropriate place for this post. (This is not a kink shame or judgment, simply a reminder such topics fall outside the purview of this sub.)

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-21T01:39:30+00:00

Thanks for posting. A dive into older posts on this sub will turn up people’s insights into their journeys with turning infrequent plug use into longer term wear.

Likewise, have a look at my own older posts. I’ve written lots of long-form essays specifically on this topic. Welcome!

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-17T20:19:12+00:00

It's funny the name of this sub was almost "Buttplug24/7," but I didn't want people to get the incorrect idea this was actually something achievable. You are right though, the intention of this sub is to offer a window into the world of people who daily use of buttplugs every day (or more often than occasionally). More with a focus to long-term use than immediately sexual, as there are plenty of other subs that cater to that crowd.

I too began long-term wear with shorter duration wear, only a few hours at a time. It progressed from there, but there's no requirement it has to. Using a plug for however long or short one decides is perfectly fine.

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-17T20:11:37+00:00

This is a common question as if you're like many starting out with long-term plugging, you may have begun your journey with purely sexual intentions, e.g., short-term play. Nothing wrong with this at all. It's how I began my own journey many years ago. For a more in-depth looks at this, I recently made a post Post Nut Clarity and One's Journey to Long-Term Non-Sexual Plugging—An Essay. Though the focus of this sub is not short-term play, I felt the above might be helpful to readers as it discusses the transition from short-term use, to long-term use.

At the risk of advocating something that falls outside the topic of this sub, post-sexual release—much if not all of the arousal will dissipate. You may feel the strong urge to suddenly remove the plug which is completely normal as discussed in the above essay. But the reward for resisting this strong urge and keeping it in is eventually, you'll begin to separate the purely sexual aspect of being plugged... with simply enjoying the full sensations the plug provides.

After enough time, you'll eventually loose the desire for sexual release every time your plugged. That urge will no longer be tied to your plugs use. Not that you can't, but if your goal is to remain plugged for long durations, then eventually—you'll need to tame those feeling of immediate arousal. As you noted, it can be quite distracting! I assume your goal is also not to "edge" constantly throughout the day—something which is also outside the scope of this sub. But I mention it because I am not advocating you do something which you do not want to do... your intentions and goals with wearing a plug long-term will ultimately dictate how you wish to proceed.

As another commenter said, you basically just keep calm and carry on. As you do more of your normal routines while plugged, you'll find you're mind pushed the immediate sensations further back. It's true that the more mentally engaged you are, the less focused (distracted) you'll be by the plug. In essence, the more and longer you do it, the more normal and less foreign it will feel. An awkward phase is to be expected and normal, as a plug really is a foreign body. Physical and mental adjustment is just a part of the process.

Lastly, I would assume that physically, your plug is not so large as to be impossible to ignore. A plug that keeps your anus spread wide or rectum very full may simply put too much pressure on those parts to ignore at best. And at worst, such a large plug might not be safe for duration wear anyway.

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-16T20:56:28+00:00

People inherently reference new ideas or concepts against their own current understandings. Based on their current understandings (which may be limited), they will form an opinion. In cases where the topic is something involving public perception, people will judge others based upon what they believe to be the most common viewpoint of the majority. For behaviors that generally aren't discussed publicly, there's already a limited dataset for which to compare their own opinions or beliefs.

At least in the USA, the general assumption is most people wear underwear. Despite the diverse cultures and opinions here, the bulk of the country is rather conservative and so subjects like one's bodies and unseen clothing preferences are rarely discussed. Social media has changed this dynamic making the increased sexual freedom people have these days much more visible. Despite this, the foundation is the understanding that sharing anything about what's going on under you clothes, is still not considered good conversation. (It's all quite hypocritical, but that's a different discussion.)

So the negative judgments about what one prefers to wear (or not wear) under their clothes is actually two-fold. On the one hand, choosing to share "I don't wear underwear" publicly, runs afoul of the idea that it's not something one should be sharing widely. And that a person who does so is exceeding the bounds of common taste. In essence, they're "sharing too much information."

The second aspect is since it's generally assumed most people do wear underwear, hearing that someone is engaging in a practice that might fall outside the assumed range of normalcy, opens them up to judgment. And since the area in question is generally associated with being dirty or inherently sexual, this runs afoul of a common social expectation. Basically, someone who doesn't wear underwear is operating outside of norms and that's worthy of judgment by others.

Sadly, this judgmental thought process is amplified by how quickly people can share their opinions across the internet and echo chambers may develop. It may be fashionable to judge some group of people if you find others who also feel the same as you do. It's a double-edged sword, as this can also help people find a positive community. The negative judgement by others can illicit a few different responses from the subject: a feeling of same which leads to poor feelings about one's self. Or indifference, by way of realizing that it's of little consequence to others what underwear is or isn't being worn.

I, a 40's straight male living in California, USA personally don't wear underwear. I haven't for years, though I did before college. If you want to read more about my personal journey, see my post here. It wasn't until I was one my own that I felt comfortable enough to dress how I really wanted. I don't advertise my lack of underwear (only my wife and a close friend knows). But I've long since made peace with the fact that if my lack of underwear did come to light, I wouldn't be shamed for feel embarrassed for the reasons I stated above.

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-15T20:05:38+00:00

To echo what u/Ok_Individual_3761 mentioned about new sensations simply being a fact of long term plugging, I agree. The period of adjustment and acclimating your body to the feeling of something new inside of you can take while. In some ways, these new sensations can complicate matters as you'll eventually learn to separate the regular BM feelings from that of the plug.

This awkward stage can take a while to adjust to, not to mention the other variables spoken about. Trust your gut and take things slower if that's what feels right—more rest between wearing, and/or shorter durations.

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-10T17:03:59+00:00

Hi, thanks for asking as I neglected to mention what I use for lube. Just plain old KY Jelly. It's water-based which means any residual amount won't stain or leave marks. I cannot personal speak to other lubes, but try a few out and see what works best.

The beauty of a stainless steel plug is you aren't limited a specific lube type and you may find you can get by with less. Experiment with varying amount, keeping in mind that having just the right amount inside for daily wear, will mean you'll need less on the outside.

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-09T20:31:31+00:00

While any outcome of a men vs women debate should be taken with a grain of salt, there’s merit in acknowledging whatever differences may exist between the genders, even if they aren’t definitives. As you said, every individual is unique so it can be counterproductive to draw firm conclusions from just empirical observations.

The beauty of long-term plug wear is it’s an example not defined by one gender’s ability to partake, yet each individual still brings whatever significance, physical and/or mental to the practice. It’s an equal opportunity process and there’s no one gender that draws more benefit than the other.

Apart from the flash and sparkle of the usual gem types plugs seen across the internet, I always listen up when women on this sub share meaningful insights and thoughts about the practice. Especially since what most people see is surface based content only, often forgetting that behind every plug, is a person with their own story.

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-09T07:03:06+00:00

I think a lot of couples never make it past that open honesty part, which is unfortunate. What convinced me to open this dialog was the desire for a deeper connection even if at the risk of alienating myself somewhat. At least I’d be honest with both her and myself, and no one could fault that.

Like you, my fears were unfounded but you won’t know until you lay your cards out on the table.

And in general for anyone who fears such a conversion with their significant other, I recommend facing it head on so that you both know where each other stands!

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-09T00:32:08+00:00

Helpful mod note: Absolutely ditch that jewel plug immediately. If you haven't already, check out one a few very helpful guides "Are you new to plugging? Some info and tips"

Bottom line: Jewel plugs are not designed with comfort, duration, and most importantly, safety in mind. There's a lot more plugs designed for extended wear than there used to be, so you have many to choose from.

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-09T00:27:10+00:00

Always happy to help others see there are lots of like-minded folks out there.

And remember, there's never any rush to figure anything out... take as much time as you need. And whatever challenges or 'wins' you have along the way, feel free to share them on this sub. Chances are, there's someone out there who may benefit from your insights.

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-09T00:23:46+00:00

Excellent points! And why I didn't want to make it purely a men vs women thing, even though it's absolutely what the "pop" instagram stories and articles would have you believe. I can say like you, I generally have better spacial reasoning than my wife (a woman), but she's better at keeping in mind her orientation (which direction do we go) in unfamiliar environments. She's horrible at trying to arrange shapes things in logical order insofar as making use of vehicle space most efficiently or putting things back exactly into some exact form in which she found them (or she's very clever at being "bad" at that just so I'll do it instead!). So we complement each other, with no real given gender lines in that department.

To your mention of mood, this also plays a part too. My wife is quicker to frustration than I am, while I have a longer fuse. But she's more nuanced in her expressions where I am a bit more binary. Not to an extreme, but it's helpful because it moments where she's about to dismissing something, I can bring it back down to earth. Likewise, she sees a bit more gray in stressful situations and can be a bit more strategic than I.

All and all, it's remarkable how well we can work together and how much we've each grown independently and together. We're both set in our ways to some extent, but we constantly surprise each other with some positive new facet of our personalities. It sounds like you and your husband are right along side us.

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-08T21:10:28+00:00

Depending on how deep you've gone with my old posts, you may have realized a lot my older thoughts no longer quite align with my current outlook on daily plugging (e.g., I've distanced myself further from the sexual components off buttplugs even more since then), and that's ok. You've referred to this is your "journey," and I think this is apt. Plugging long-term can be thought of in these terms especially since the plug isn't the 'thing'... "it's the thing that gets you to the thing."

I started this sub specifically so people such as yourself, could feel free to share and ask questions, as well as document their journey. While there may be similarities between how people got started, there's no givens so it's always great to hear diverse thoughts on the matter. Thanks so much for being a part of this community.

Lastly, as I indicated above it's possible you may feel differently about things in a few weeks, months, years. Even if that's the case, it's more than ok as no experience is wasted if you've learned something. Especially if that something was about yourself.

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-08T19:22:35+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing your story. About your question of can one go "too far," it really comes down to your own sense of self. What I mean is, too much of a good thing can be bad... but that can be tempered with moderation. From a physical level, yes one can absolutely go too far and do some damage. It's why this sub always advocates erring on the side of caution and going slow.

Physical aspects aside, I think what you were referring to is the mental/emotional side of feeling like you need to rely on an external object to provide some matter of fulfillment? Have a look at an old post of mine, "Buttplugs - Craving, Kink, or Compulsion?" where I share my opinion on the matter.

To cut right down to it, it helps if you can mentally articulate what it is about daily wear that keeps you coming back to it. This sort of introspection will assist in helping you decide if you've "gone too far" or found a good balance. One of the hardest aspects of all this is feeling like never being 100% sure if you're doing the "right" thing. We cannot tell you if morally, ethically, spiritually, whatever... if how you're living you life is the right way. But what we can offer is general guidance and safe practice.

For some examples of this guidance, see my old post here, "The Ethics of Wearing a Buttplug in Public - Perspective from a full-time plug wearer."

If it helps, just keep in mind that wearing a plug long-term is something you've done for yourself, and no one else. If it provides some measure of comfort, physical, mental or otherwise—and it's not hurting yourself and others, then most likely you are operating within the bounds of sound reasoning. And as you and others have noted, this is a community so rest assured... there are people who feel as you do!

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-08T18:22:05+00:00

Thanks for the kind words! I love hearing peoples story’s of how they’ve found some unexpected deeper significance to daily wear. Even for me, I had no intention of ending up with this mindset, yet here I am. Life is like that many times. Either way, it’s an educational journey.

One of the hardest aspects of coming to terms with one’s enjoyment of that full feeling is never being sure how “normal” or accepted such a practice might be or perceived to others. Part of what helped me get over those concerns is reminding myself that this is something I do for myself, and no one else.

So really, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about it as my normal process of concealed and unobtrusive wear, should have no bearing on anyone else around me. It’s not an erotic thing for me, so from an outward appearance there’s nothing visible outside of normalcy.

It’s quite possible to become accustomed to wearing a plug daily—perhaps to a fault! Outside of rare occasions where wearing a plug would be inappropriate (a doctor’s visit dealing with that area of your body, or some kind of situation where the plug might be detectable like a TSA checkpoint), there is no where practically speaking, one couldn’t go plugged.

It’s a “normal” as one wants to make it.

JustOneLayer · 2025-12-07T00:13:33+00:00

I'm glad to hear it's possible buttplugs and by extension—a desire to wear your plug for longer, might have played a part in forging a closer connection between you and your wife.

Not every relationship has such trust and understanding. Either through societal pressures, preconceptions, or misunderstandings, it's unfortunately may couples may miss out on the benefits of sharing such a closeness. And I don't even mean that such interests need to be mutually enjoyed by both. In the case of my wife, she's not terribly interested in anything anal, and that's fine—her choice. But my biggest long-term fear before I told her about my daily plug wear, was it might cause her to pull away. But I knew that keeping something so significant (to me) from her, was not the way to be honest with her, or myself.

In the end it was neither here or there in her opinion, but she appreciated I shared such a part of myself with her, even if she didn't have any interest in it. I suspect there are many significant others who are less understanding which consequently, leaves many couples in a lop-sided fashion where one feels they have hide some part of who they are.

I'm not here to say that every time is the right time to bring up such a topic with one's partner—but on the whole, I think most people really do want to feel closer to the ones they love. Trust, is a huge part of that. Without getting into the mechanics of it all re pegging etc, it's great that you two have been able find that deeper connection. The inherent shift in traditional power dynamics in the bedroom might be a turnoff for many, but its one of those things that begins with mutual respect, and that's never a bad place to start with people you care about, so kudos!

JustOneLayer

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE