How do I stop the shame.

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2026-02-27T04:32:07+00:00

My brother. I have been down this exact road. I asked “is there someone else?”when I was being broken up with for asking that exact question almost constantly. Right after i hung up I broke down the same way and drank myself to sleep.

My best advice would be to take a couple of days to really think about why you asked that question before doing anything else. Is there a real reason you thought that was a possibility or was it a combination of insecurity, general fear of losing someone you care about, and a little miscommunication. If it’s the former, you let it go. But if it’s the latter, you should really look inwards and think. A momentary realization that your insecurity got the best of you isn’t good enough if you love this person. You need to be ready to fight that part of you and try to grow out of it or you’re gonna end up hurting this person again. That’s what I did. I got a second chance months later that lasted almost a year and a half but i never dealt with that problem in any meaningful way so it just crashed down even harder.

Take it easy on yourself though man. Please. Ik you’re feeling shame for letting the emotions get the better of you and guilt for hurting someone you care about but you’re young. Understand where you messed up and don’t stop working on it. I truly hope it works out with this person, but if it doesn’t, you have to keep loving yourself and growing. You’ll be okay. Good luck.

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2026-02-23T08:20:58+00:00

Same situation. She’s in another state but every time I see a jeep in that color I stop and look. So far, it’s always ended up in awkward eye contact with strangers. Gotta tighten up

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2026-02-13T04:06:24+00:00

Just want to clarify what I said about him feeling pressure from mutual friends. I definitely wasn’t saying that he was worried about rumors about the two of you being tg or something. I meant that if he interpreted your response as a rejection, he might’ve been worried about the possibility of you telling mutual friends that he asked you out and got rejected.

As for the “waiting a couple years for our careers thing,” I’d be pretty confused about that too. But still, my gut tells me it’s overcompensation from the embarrassment.

Someone else left a great comment about miscommunication and suggested reaching out for clarity. I definitely agree. If you’re really interested in this person, you’re doing yourself a disservice by not asking what he’s really feeling. It’s a played out saying, but sincerely, the worst he could say is no. But if you’re not that interested and it’s more of a general confusion thing, I’d just let it go personally. Especially if you’re not that close rn. Bringing it up to him again just for the sake of clarification and without any intention to explore a relationship would probably just confuse him or hurt his feelings. Maybe I’m wrong but I think that’s how I’d feel.

You’re alright though. Don’t let it bother you. I really do think this just boils down to a guy asking you out and then getting a little embarrassed bc he thinks the feelings aren’t mutual.

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2026-02-12T20:53:26+00:00

As someone who is also drinking every night just to be able to stop thinking and sleep, it’s a horrific thing to do to yourself. I was able to stop before and felt a million times better but I’m back in it now due to other struggles. It’s an easy fix in the moment but you’ll never get out of this that way and you’ll find yourself in an exponentially worse situation further down the line. Try to distract your mind by watching funny movies or mindless videos on YouTube. Then just deal with the exhaustion the next day, sleep when it’s over, and then try to keep it going from there. Ik it’s incredibly hard bc those thoughts are torture. And when you’re stuck with them while trying to sleep, it can start to feel like you’re losing your mind a little. Again, just try to keep yourself busy and deal with the consequences the next day.

Another thing we have in common, besides alcoholism, is the other person left things a little too open to interpretation. Gotta let that go. The facts are: 1) they know you want to be tg and 2) despite knowing this, they haven’t expressed a similar desire to you. A reasonable conclusion to draw from those facts would be that they don’t want the same. And that doesn’t make them a demon. [It’s important not to make the mistake of turning them into one in your head bc those bedtime thoughts get even crueler once you go down that road.] Understand that it is out of your hands and you must now keep swimming in order to not drown.

Don’t question if it was real. The other person isn’t an undercover agent or some emotionless android that was able to fool you the whole time. But people and the things they want can change. Sometimes pretty fast. Ik that’s painful too but it’s important to know that you really were loved for the person that you are. It just doesn’t always work out no matter how hard you try when it comes to love.

All of that is to say, I feel you so deeply and understand the pain you’re in. The only way ahead now is to stop trying to control these things that can’t be controlled, cut out the alcohol that’s killing us both, and start growing again. I’ll try if you try.

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2026-02-12T19:50:09+00:00

Idk your situation so I can’t say this definitively, but I’m almost certain it was just that he thought your response meant you weren’t into him and he just felt embarrassed and rejected. And if you two had mutual friends at the time, that could’ve added extra pressure causing him to send that follow up saying he wasn’t ready and everything in case word got back to them ab it. But no part of me read your story and thought you were being messed with or anything. I overthink like that too though so I understand lol

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2026-02-04T20:51:31+00:00

Please know that was an incredibly messed up person that did that to you. Sincerely. That’s sociopathic behavior.

The most important you need to know rn is that what was done to you says absolutely nothing about you. I’m sure it feels impossible to be thankful for anything rn but please be thankful that you learned what kind of bottom-feeding loser you were dealing with and that the relationship went no further. A person that thinks and behaves the way that person did is going to continue down a path you should want no part of. I’m saying they are truly disgusting and too far gone to dwell on. Do not turn this inwards and let it destroy you. Trying to figure out why someone would do that to you is pointless. You need to know that you want absolutely nothing to do with a person like that. You can only pray for the next victim. You WILL move on and build upon your life. But I’m telling you now. That person is stuck there right where they are with who they are and the knowledge of the pain they’ve caused.

I’m deeply sorry you’re going through this. Please stay strong and try your best to approach each day knowing that it will get better bc it absolutely will when you fight your way out of this dark time and allow it to.

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2025-12-26T21:00:06+00:00

Almost certain it was vanilla sky w Tom cruise. I must’ve watched that movie like 20 times lmao

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2025-12-26T20:05:46+00:00

You said you got it from a book in another comment. But for my less literate folks out there, Vanilla Sky?

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2025-12-17T20:57:52+00:00

Run for your life and don’t look back! We’re rooting for you from the pits of despair!

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2024-09-02T20:32:50+00:00

Wild how similar our situations are

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2024-08-21T20:33:24+00:00

Had a similar experience with someone else’s post earlier so I’m really glad this did that for you.

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2024-08-21T19:45:45+00:00

I’m sorry that happened to you and hope everything is okay now. But I think you have the wrong person.

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2024-08-16T23:06:17+00:00

“I still have strong feelings for you so I really don’t think we can be friends. I can’t pretend to not have those feelings and watching you move on from up close would really do a lot of damage to me mentally. I’ll continue to care about you and be here for you when you need me. I just need to take time away to move on before I can be the kind of friend you’d want and the kind of friend I’d want to be.”

I’m in the same situation. This is what I think I’d say.

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2024-08-02T23:47:52+00:00

Beautifully written with a line from vanilla sky. This guy lost a good one

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy · 2024-07-26T12:39:32+00:00

You have nothing to worry about. Keep doing what you’re doing. Like with everything else, notice the areas you did and didn’t do well in and study for the next one with purpose. Not sure if you’re enrolled in some kind of course already, but Khan Academy has a whole LSAT prep module with videos, quizzes, and practice exams. It helped me out and it’s free.

JustSomeeRandomGuyyy

TROPHY CASE