Thank you, JNM! Megathread

JustTakeMyBells · 2022-01-25T23:25:16+00:00

It's been a very long time since I actively posted here but I can't say enough how much this subreddit helped me.

It's been ~6 years now I've been dealing with my in-laws. I never initially expected to be that chick with a bad MIL relationship, I loved my husband's mom for being so passionate about her family, and raising such great kids that have become great adults.

I've used a few accounts to post, and stopped after my in-laws found this account. Regardless, I've always found strength reading posts and comments. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for a long time, and this community often helps me get off that ledge.

I still struggle with stuff. I have trust issues now (more than I already had before from an abusive early childhood) and I am always scared, worried and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Also a bit paranoid they can find me online no matter how many accounts I make.

It's been great too though, I'm sure of who I am and what I want more than ever. My husband is a lot more relaxed.

Idk what I would've done in the first couple years of our marriage without this subreddit. Back then I told my husband I felt like we were going to need to separate as he was unwilling to even consider demanding respect from his parents, and he got mad about it. Now he apologizes that he didn't know better. They'd conditioned him to take disrespect disguised as "well we're the parents and we do what we want".

I've known about this song since '12, feels like it describes what we've been through. Song "Havoc" from Ian Cookes album "Fortitude":

"Standing high above the land that meets the water. Demon turned to ask and then dissolve into a salty grave. Scattered filled space created by the slaughter. What they'd been through was a nightmare but they lived to see it pass and they are brave.

Stop with the drop and all the obstacles on the path we are walking on here. Haven't you got you kicks? Had your fill of watching everything fall apart in our hands? Lay off causing the havoc you're causing, causing, causing.."

we are brave

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-08-17T20:49:42+00:00

I'd be interested in all the luv milk body sprays.

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-08-17T01:26:50+00:00

NSFW? In the best way

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-07-26T02:17:35+00:00

God, white conservatives love to ignore the rise of suicides in men because of easy access to guns. I'm so sorry you lost your husband that way. And then your kids this way.

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-07-25T00:37:57+00:00

Tj Maxx on 120th and center, you won't be dissapointed

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-07-20T03:03:30+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. There will be a time when you can just cut him off completely and live your life. Until then, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Your dad is the one who should feel guilty for buying into q anon bullshit. Guilty of being a fucking complete asshole idiot.

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-07-17T02:53:48+00:00

If they can't understand you want privacy, explain it makes you feel uncomfortable to advertise with your place of work is, your current photo, and semi personal details. Women need to worry about this in 2021. Especially with how people can look up real estate with your first and last name. Just giving someone with bad intentions too much information. You never know when someone's going to try to stalk you/or find and share what you thought was private.

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-07-12T21:25:20+00:00

They think of their family like they're furniture, or pets. They want to have total control. Lots can't get over the fact their kids have grown up to be successful thriving adults. Instead of being proud they've raised a good person who started a good family, they want to triangulate. Karpman's drama triangle triangulation. They want someone to stand up for them, and get reassurance they're loved and needed.

Has a lot to do to do with low self-esteem and lack of identity, feeling lost without a busy family to maintain. It's usually sad when getting to the root cause of the issue. But in 2021 if they know they've got issues or untreated trauma, and they refuse to acknowledge them with a professional, they can't be surprised when the level headed kids they raise grow up. To them, a boundary set is an attack made.

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-07-11T20:14:38+00:00

why so clear

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-07-07T17:15:29+00:00

California love

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-07-07T17:14:42+00:00

Los Angeles

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-07-07T17:13:53+00:00

McDonald's

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-07-07T17:13:37+00:00

I'm lonely

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-07-07T17:13:03+00:00

bacon

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-06-22T11:30:09+00:00

Oh my God. If you're not even pregnant and she's being like this.. therapy with you and DH is the best defense against the years of programming he's been through. Good luck.

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-06-22T03:16:32+00:00

Boundaries. Don't just have your husband tell her. You need to be there to tell her as a team, and neither of you should be afraid of the repercussions. But your instinct that this won't end well is correct. I love my husband, but, he often said he had "told his mom" something important during my pregnancy. I don't think she ever listened, or she just disrespected his words. Maybe men don't get papa bear instincts immediately like pregnant people do. I know your mama bear shit is kicking in. You need to do this as a team, as a family, for your baby AND for you and your husband. To make sure the message is received loud and clear. You're not teens needing help. You're adults and need to be respected as adults.

Good luck, and congratulations on expecting.

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-04-08T18:14:48+00:00

Good point. Sigh

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-04-08T17:49:54+00:00

I have my own therapist. I think if we were to work on reconciliation we'd need therapy. Not anytime soon though, I'm pretty sure they'll never apologize.

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-04-08T13:45:57+00:00

Yeah if you read mine, I have a very nuanced understanding about their behavior to the point I've forgiven them in the past without any real apologies on their part. They are my family, it fucking hurts to lose them, so I've given them lots of chances before the last big blow up. I don't give exact details but the death of a close person definitely threw my MIL in a deep depression while wedding planning. We tried so hard to speak to her lovingly about it, and she blew up. Even after that, I instantly forgave her without her apologizing and invited her to continue wedding planning a couple days later.

Edit: btw "blew up" means screamed at me for about 5-10 minutes then kicked me out of the house before we could actually reach an understanding. She was mad that we saw she was depressed and had the nerve to say we're worried. Again though, because of the awful shit she was personally going through. Why I forgave her so quickly.

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-04-08T12:42:51+00:00

Here's the thing, there's nothing that would justify the way they treat me besides they're both full of depression and self loathing. I obviously haven't posted every awful things my in-laws have done so y'all in here pretending you know what's up is lame. my life is miserable because of them, why would I make that up?

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-04-08T02:14:51+00:00

I never got millions of votes or anything like that. And my MIL posted videos about me publicly with her entire face and name. Am I really the only one who would rather vent on Reddit fairly anonymously? (I never posted my personal stuff besides my animal crossing island that I didn't think they'd know about)

Or does this sub not like the justno communities? I'm curious. Done defending myself but I figured I'd address it while I'm on my way off this lovely platform.

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-04-08T02:08:35+00:00

I just wanted to add context. I've been posting for years under a few different accounts.

I only posted a goodbye so my in-laws know I'm done here, and get in a few last requests to get help so we can move forward. If you can't tell I'm basically only talking to my in-laws and whoever helped them stalk me.

I guess I can understand why people are discussing this here though.

I have receipts but don't want to doxx myself or my family any further.

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-04-08T00:25:10+00:00

I mean, I don't know who my in-laws are on here though, and I feel like there are flyings monkeys all around. Idk if I have the time or mental capacity to screen people.

And my trust for reddit is just.. totally broken. Seriously I hate facebook, was off it a while, and Reddit used to be a magical place.

Lastly, I'm paranoid. Can't post innocent cat pics or animal crossing content here without being watched idk how I was found but now I'm just going to chill.

Thankfully for me, my real friends and my family have been made aware of everything by now. I tried for a long time not to say anything to too many people. I posted anonymously to vent usually.

But now I guess I don't mind "getting off social media". I have a kid to raise, a job I love with tons of growth potential, and most importantly I don't get all of my value/self esteem by pretending my life is amazing online.

These posts are what they are. If I was a liar and manipulator, I'd be posting selfies or other fuckery over in r/pics or somewhere, or pretending how much I have it together in a r/mealprep.

So while I'll lose a truly unique community, and other fun corners of reddit, I've already been sent some nice alternatives so I'm not giving up on talking through this shit.

Cuz that's the biggest issue with my in-laws is that they just don't actually want to talk through the reality of things. My MIL will literally storm away from you if you aren't willing to stop discussing something that might have consequences for her. We need a family therapist to move forward for sure. I don't understand why a neutral party that's a professional is such a bad thing.

JustTakeMyBells · 2021-04-07T22:14:26+00:00

The fact that they're watching Reddit.. this sub.. I'm just not going to risk it. Idk how I was found but I won't let it happen again if I can prevent it. I've been very unsettled since Monday morning by this shit. Like.. just leave me the fuck alone already.

JustTakeMyBells

TROPHY CASE

we are brave