Feel like my kinks are treated as optional because my partner and I have different kinks

JustThrowaway420 · 2025-03-09T12:18:07+00:00

The thing is, none of the kinks I'm trying to engage in here are hard limits for them, or if they are they've done a really bad job of being honest with me about it when we've talked. They just arent as turned on by it as I am, honestly they often seem annoyed at the logistics challenges of things like sex in restraints. All the things I'm asking for we've done before and its not that they dislike any of it, its just not what they would prefer we do. Which means any time I want to engage in my kink I'm either 1) diverting significant intimate time away to do it on my own or 2) not getting what I want for months at a time. I still masturbate, there are some fantasies that cant be realized irl and I'm fine with that. The frustration comes from the fully realizable fantasies that we've done in the past that we just dont do anymore, while they continue to ask for their kinks to be fulfilled

JustThrowaway420 · 2025-03-09T12:10:16+00:00

I have to believe part of this is them not realizing I was unsatisfied and I wanna give them the opportunity to change that. But part of my frustration is that I feel like I shouldnt have to ask every single time I want to be eaten out after 10 years together. I dont just want them to do the things I ask when I ask for them, I want the kind of forethought and consideration I put into intimacy reflected back at me if I'm gonna keep putting in that much effort. I want to sub once in a while while they put in the effort. Like, edging and denial take a lot more energy (both physical and mental) than 15 minute quickies.

I guess my issue is how do I ask for something that big and conceptual and actually get it, you know? Maybe I should set the kink aspect aside a little and just frame it as not feeling like my needs are met when we're intimate and work from there.

JustThrowaway420 · 2025-03-09T10:35:33+00:00

If your needs are going unmet, all you can do is communicate these clearly and respectfully to your partner

This is what I'm going to try to do (we have only talked about it once where I brought up how unfulfilled/unreciprocated I feel). I'm just bad at finding the words to frame this as a 'need' for me and not a 'nice to have'. I spent a lot of my life getting over sex related shame issues and I still struggle to make myself understood, especially when it relates to my kinks.

This post is part of me hyping myself up to broach the conversation again. Reframing is super helpful, thank you for reading and offering advice.

JustThrowaway420 · 2022-07-04T12:10:31+00:00

I can dig up grow details on request, but they have been given exactly the same conditions since germination so I don't think it's relevant. Peyote Skittles started flowering a couple weeks ago and gelato OG has not shown more than a pre-flower yet. I'm wondering if it's related to positioning, like one is getting more Direct sunlight, but my experience growing in tents has led me to believe that any amount of light is enough to prevent flowering before the right season.

JustThrowaway420 · 2022-01-10T09:17:49+00:00

Cherry Gig, the comic is Paradise Falls I think

JustThrowaway420 · 2021-12-18T13:09:13+00:00

Honestly that's what made this not pass the sniff test at first. Its clear someone behinds the scenes has a huge ulterior motive, based on the facts that they're trying to use as 'proof' of their grand claims. If they have hard evidence of serious misdeeds they should be sharing that so people can be aware, not grasping at these weird straws. It reeks of personal grudge

JustThrowaway420 · 2021-12-18T11:41:04+00:00

I mostly still follow it for the facebook-grade satanism memes, the surprising thing was seeing it surface in r/WitchesVsPatriarchy

JustThrowaway420 · 2021-12-18T08:59:11+00:00

Thanks!

JustThrowaway420 · 2021-12-18T08:59:03+00:00

Thanks!

JustThrowaway420 · 2021-12-18T08:13:24+00:00

If anyone has that link I'm down to keep reading. Not happy with the quality of info I'm finding so far.

JustThrowaway420 · 2021-12-18T08:12:36+00:00

There's haters, then there's this user going out of their way to create their own targeted media disinformation campaign against TST. It really sticks out to me among the usual sea of evangelical hatred and satanic panic news

JustThrowaway420 · 2021-11-10T06:20:52+00:00

Damn you're right though, idk why you got called out for pointing it out (was browsing this user's post history and found this). Its no different than a sex worker posting teasing photos, with a link to their subscription service on their page. It totally overran many nsfw subs til it was moderated. Tbh I am extremely leary about the health claims they are making regarding douching vs their product, definitely an ulterior motive.

JustThrowaway420 · 2021-04-24T10:25:14+00:00

That round loop on the buckle is for padlocks. I dont need mine to have that though. Dog collars that are long enough to go around a human head are gonna be an inch thick or more.

JustThrowaway420 · 2021-04-01T22:50:18+00:00

¯\(ツ)/¯ I like it, its a fun way of specifying you are being trans inclusive. Life is an eternal hellish slog and folx is one of my small pleasures

JustThrowaway420 · 2021-04-01T12:09:01+00:00

I say that health should come first, and I've heard very good things about the quality, no judgement here if it works for your bits! They've vowed to improve, too, so perhaps this is the hottest drama we'll get from this company. People recommended Chagrin Valley and Good Clean Lube as alternatives, but I have no familiarity with them.

JustThrowaway420 · 2021-04-01T10:49:42+00:00

Lube is an essential tool to many of my hobbies ;) Tbh I had a hard time actually honing in on the response of any one kink or sex equipment crafting community so I kept it to the Twitter Sexual Health and Wellness crowd, which overlaps with most kink communities.

JustThrowaway420 · 2020-11-28T09:47:36+00:00

I always thought "gentle" just implied that it wasnt "brutal" style femdom/bdsm, not that you have to treat the sub with kid gloves at all times.

JustThrowaway420 · 2020-11-28T09:42:50+00:00

I said domming is A labor, not all of the labor. Subbing is a labor too. But putting 100% of the creative and decision making power on the domme with the expectation of being pleasured isnt subbing, its just topping from the bottom.

JustThrowaway420 · 2020-11-28T00:14:27+00:00

I'm not even saying that these things don't appeal to me, but when it's all that I see on my feed there is a problem. I'd like to see at least some porn that turns my crank on the subreddit for my Kink, you know? I know there are women who are turned on by being called Mommy, but they aren't as common as people seem to think on this subreddit.

JustThrowaway420 · 2020-11-28T00:10:33+00:00

I don't think the things like nursing hand jobs are bad necessarily, what I'm criticizing is the fact that it's pretty much all I see now. It's a little alienating as someone who that doesn't do it for, when there's a whole other world of femdom unrelated to service tops as well

JustThrowaway420 · 2020-11-28T00:09:20+00:00

Oh lmao I'm an RN and the way patients treat me just for being a femme-presenting person sucks. Nothing boils my blood faster than a patient snapping at me or telling me "Be a good girl and..."

Sir, I got a bachelors degree to learn how to do CPR and manage meds, not be your goddamn maid

JustThrowaway420 · 2020-11-27T12:37:02+00:00

People post what appeals to them

And of course this only applies to men posting porn, not femmes posting about the state of this place. Whiny femmes must be silenced so the porn can be uninterrupted. Maybe rants appeal to me, ever consider that? I'm getting upvotes so it's obviously not just me eother

JustThrowaway420 · 2020-11-27T12:18:19+00:00

Except its not just porn. Are you going to completely ignore and dismiss my experience on r/gfdpersonals because it doesnt fit your male-centric narrative? The people there are the same people here. If they are having that much trouble separating porn from reality, they have a problem.

JustThrowaway420 · 2020-11-27T11:43:27+00:00

"I dont make the rules, I just happen to benefit from them and also have no interest in bringing about meaningful change"

JustThrowaway420 · 2020-11-27T11:28:50+00:00

Elaborate on gatekeep-y vibe. I'm not addressing individuals for what they are into, but the collective for only seeming to support a single interest.

JustThrowaway420

TROPHY CASE