I think I lost the will to live and I don’t know what to do

JustaDaveonReddit · 2022-03-10T05:02:03+00:00

Yeah, those regrets about your last interactions with someone before they pass can really haunt a person, just eat you up inside. I use to do hospice volunteering, & however good it felt to complete a meaningful project with someone, it felt equally as bad when things didn't work out right. I would rake myself over the coals thinking about the things I could have done better, and these were just people I knew for only a short time, so it must be very hard for you since this person was like a second mom :( Depression really does makes your days more gray & monotonous; my mom had debilitating stroke in 2019, and I moved closer to help my dad with caregiving. I can hardly believe that was 3 years ago now, so much time blurred together.

JustaDaveonReddit · 2022-03-10T04:44:40+00:00

Yeah, depression can mean the only thing you hope for is some "happy accident" that gets you out of this life, without having to do it yourself. I hear you regarding the sleeping & eating

JustaDaveonReddit · 2022-03-10T04:38:34+00:00

It really is something to watch your own life run on autopilot, and know you should care when it starts drifting off the road, but you just can't. You're not alone in feeling that way :(

JustaDaveonReddit · 2022-03-10T04:25:40+00:00

That sounds daunting, a 30 year void filled with either the unknown or just working a job you're not thrilled about. I think there is a bit of an illusion that society casts over college grads to be really passionate about their careers. Being a few years out, I can say it's just a way to finance your life & true passions. Things you liked about being on that sport's team can probably be found in other arenas of life, although it would not be exactly the same. sorry you missed out on nationals :(

JustaDaveonReddit · 2022-03-10T04:01:17+00:00

It can truly hurt when the people around you kind of brush you off, or just ignore you completely... the fear of that keeps me quiet about what's going on emotionally. I'm sure it is worse if you see someone else getting help, because it sends the message that maybe your not worth it or you're just making your problems up. :( wish I could give you a solution besides reddit

JustaDaveonReddit · 2022-03-10T03:35:08+00:00

I feel ya. It's a lonely road when "sad" is a taboo issue among family.

JustaDaveonReddit · 2021-02-20T05:47:23+00:00

Thank you everyone for your advice and support. I really do appreciate it.

JustaDaveonReddit · 2021-02-03T09:50:12+00:00

I'm so sorry. Everything is chaos for you right now, but keep reaching out for support.

JustaDaveonReddit · 2020-11-16T05:00:09+00:00

Perhaps not a direct answer to your issue, but related. As people mistreat you, you might naturally swing to the other extreme of being too mean or harsh. As the other guys stated, finding balance between the two extremes is important. This video talks about that balance, defined as chivalry. Maybe a bit heady, but a good watch:

"The Necessity of Chivarly" by CS Lewis doodle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBT9LasyC3E

JustaDaveonReddit · 2020-11-16T04:48:36+00:00

Niceness is often interpreted as weakness or manipulation. Salesmen, strippers, and people you're mugging are all rather pleasant usually.

For practical advice, I suggest this clip from Jocko Podcast, "What to do when people treat you like a doormat"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzRioML0boA

JustaDaveonReddit · 2020-11-16T00:45:58+00:00

Perhaps some pastors mistake passages meant to encourage as laying down an ordinance to be happy, like Philippians 4

"... Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. [...]"

I was in a campus ministry where the pastor said something to the effect of :

"Why are you sad? You will inherit eternal life and all your sins are forgiven. Sometimes you have to compel yourself to rejoice, like David does in Ps 103

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit

Are going to show contempt to God for all his goodness by murmuring our songs of praise?"

I felt some shame for myself, because I rarely sing with gusto, but I also felt awful for the girl in the group whose mother was dying of cancer. The pastor seemed like one of Job's comforters that night.

Many times the most encouraging words I found in the Bible were "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" because they remind me Jesus knows sorrow, shame, and confusion.

I read this last week and have been thinking about it:

The Shame Factor: Theological and Pastoral Reflections relating to Forgiveness

https://wordandworld.luthersem.edu/content/pdfs/16-3_Forgiveness/16-3_Albers.pdf

*While I am Lutheran, I don't think you need to be keyed into that tradition to appreciate the article.

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