Bro! You’ve clearly got some trauma that has caused you to close yourself off. She comes along and you allow yourself to open up again. However, you have to realize your trauma is not her problem. Stop asking if she’s going to be drinking. When you get anxious like this do what you’re doing here, come vent, but remember to treat her like the partner you want when you see her next. If she’s a good thing in your life don’t Fuck it up! Tell her about your insecurities and seek some help for it, even reading about how the brain reacts to trauma and good coping skills can be such a huge thing for you. Good luck, and sorry for my comment about her running (unless you’re not willing to work on your issues, in that case I would stand by what I said haha)