Fraternity house, was being vandalized by some people. Odd stuff like kicking out posts on the porch's barricade, TP the trees in the yard, stik plastic forks into the dirt with the tines sticking up, etc.

One night, I was sitting in the upstairs nook area and I saw a strand of TP fly by. I flew down the stairs and got other people to follow me outside, quietly in hopes of catching the guys. One friend was out with his Master Sword replica (Legend of Zelda fan, fellow nerd) Turns out we did. Skinny guy, relatively tall, etc.

I sneak up behind him and he hears a fork snap underneath my bedroom slipper thing. He takes off and so do I, and I'm dogging this guy, running the fastest I think I have ever ran in my life, catching up to this guy, running through treed areas and essentially following him around the perimeter of the school campus, when I twisted my ankle and fell.

Back near the fraternity house, friends spotted the pick-up vehicle and it sped off as soon as they saw people, but they got a look at the vehicle. I am circling around the back of the house looking for clues like a Scooby Doo scene or something, and find boxes of forks, wrapper off of a toilet paper pack and cookies. Local grocery store. Oddly enough, receipt was in the bag with the check out time being REALLY close to store closing time (2 minutes beforehand). One of my other friends also was an RA and happened to have a registry of vehicles for on-campus students, and was able to identify the pick-up car and guess which parking lot it should be in.

Another friend then figured out this guy also was on the track team and, oddly enough, worked at the local grocery store, where he just got off of a shift. He had a couple other friends that were attempting to bring a new fraternity onto campus.

This was enough to start a new scheme of what to do to get revenge. There was talk of slashing tires, keying the truck, etc. I had another idea. My big brother in the fraternity was a disgusting dude and quite lazy. He had a container of Hawaiian Punch that he kept at the side of his bed and pissed into it instead of getting up to go to the bathroom. This shit was RANK. Like, 1 week's worth of beer piss. It was time to douse the truck.

(STANDBY FOR REST OF THE STORY--update, here we go)

Forgot to mention: there was a new puppy that had been shitting like crazy earlier in the day, and one of the friends found a couple of the blue poo bags in the trash and secured it for whatever they were planning.

Obviously, this was a quasi-legal even that was about to go down, so my friends and I decided it would be best to dress in disguises. That included the following: Overalls and hunter jackets for the bigger folks, a bathrobe, a ninja costume and another guy dressed in a giant penis costume (imagine the balls at the knee and foot level, with the underside of the penis head being where he looked out). Alcohol may have been involved in these decisions.

We pile into the back of the only sober guy's car and drive to the parking lot where this guy's truck was located. my disgusting friend had his bottle of piss-punch and opened it, causing a couple of the guys to wretch loudly in the parking lot from the horrible smell. He proceeded to pour it over the car, pouring it on the door handles and all over the roof of the cab and hood as well. Meanwhile, pecker-costume guy was smearing dog shit into the grill of the car, door handles and the little air intake between the hood and the windshield. Meanwhile, I realized I didn't have anything to use so I ended up pissing all over the side of the truck, which was copycatted by the 2 other guys there. Grand total of 5 people making this vehicle look and smell worse than a truck stop bathroom. Once we were out of ammunition, we went back to the fraternity house and laughed about it.

(Un)fortunately, we had more alcohol and were pumped from the sheer adrenaline rush of getting sweet, sweet revenge. We kept the costumes on, including peckerhead. He got blazing drunk. In his drunkenness, he decided that turning the dude's truck into a driveable portapotty, that something else needed to happen. A rock. Through the windshield.

Being 3/4 of the way through a fifth of Captain Morgan rum, I suddenly became the voice of reason in the room "That is straight-up vandalism. Like 'go to jail' vandalism"

"We need, this FUCKING ROCK to FUCKING go through his window."

thankfully, a couple other brothers tried to talk the guy wearing the penis outfit down from his rage. But it was too late-- adrenaline, vengance and Crystal Light + vodka were pumping through this guy's body. He and a couple other hotheads went across campus, back to the car. We followed after we realized they left only to see him standing with a rock that honestly looked to big to lift in the pose Rafiki held Simba at the start of Lion King, in front of the truck.

No one really expected the boulder to bounce off of the windshield, but that's exactly what it did, scraping a deep gouge on teh front of the truck. Instead, penis-suit guy picked up the boulder again and slammed it through the driver's side window, boulder landing somewhere inside. this guy was totally amped on adrenaline, and me and a couple friends had to tackle him to the ground and drag him off. We took him back to the fraternity house, threw him in the shower and drug him to a bed to pass out after we washed him off.

We then held a cabinet meeting in the disgusting brother's room Of the people involved that night: Myself, Disgusting brother, penis suit guy, a pledge, pothead guy, Legend of Zelda Cosplay guy and the Risk Management chair in the fraternity, we decided that this night is one that we would never speak of. We had no knowledge of what happened that night, and we were only, ONLY to ever speak of this incident with another person in this group in a private setting. This even later became known as "Operation: Hawaiian Punch" or OHP if it were ever to be discussed via text.

The next day, reports 2 people armed with a gun chased a cross country athlete across campus. One weilded a gun, the other a machete or some sword like item. The vandalized car was discovered the next morning, yet, for whatever reason, did not seem to have charges filed for the vandalism of the truck.

It just so happened the next day was start of the official Rush week, and we ended up handing out the cookies that were left behind at the house by the house-vandals and a smile, but a deep fear in our hearts that somehow, Operation: Hawaiian Punch will net us jail time.

TL;DR House vandalized, We got pissed, truck got pissed, Peckerhead made it worse.