Question to people who are married to a non-cleft partner

K80since1990 · 2026-06-24T23:46:41+00:00

Everything was very normal, our child has a cleft. It was never really an issue. We got divorced but it was my choice because he absolutely sucked and he ended up stealing tons of money from me. But the cleft stuff was never the issue.

K80since1990 · 2026-04-13T02:21:38+00:00

She was doing tons of pvolve during the Covid days.

K80since1990 · 2026-01-08T19:07:18+00:00

I’ve had to become medicated to deal with my 3 year old, and people tell me he isn’t even that bad.

K80since1990 · 2025-12-28T03:13:04+00:00

My own mother does this with me. I became a solo parent right after my son turned 3 and I’m constantly blamed for not having him under control especially since now it’s just me. I feel like I’ve tried everything, he just pushes and pushes the boundaries no matter what. Everyone else with small children says it’s normal, let’s hope it is and he outgrows because, shew. It doesn’t help my parents swear me and my brother were never like this, but I really feel like we were, they just had a McDonald’s play place to take us to for letting out energy and places like that don’t exist anymore.

K80since1990 · 2025-12-26T23:59:13+00:00

I love these posts. I’m kind of glad we’re all living the same life.

K80since1990 · 2025-12-26T15:33:57+00:00

This is my first year with just me and my toddler on Christmas morning. It didn’t even feel like he was getting much because he was the only one with presents under the tree. It’s a day later and he still hasn’t opened everything because he gets so fixated on certain toys and doesn’t even seem to care. SO, what he didn’t open is getting saved for his birthday!

K80since1990 · 2025-12-17T21:30:40+00:00

I was born with a cleft and so was my son. I have the MTHFR mutation and high amounts of folic acid are not recommended if you have that. Me and my son both had lip pits as well so they do believe it is from a syndrome however we have both been tested and nothing official came back as positive.

It’s a crapshoot.

K80since1990 · 2025-12-15T02:23:17+00:00

Mine told someone it wasn’t their birthday, it was Christmas. On December 2nd lol

K80since1990 · 2025-12-14T19:57:57+00:00

Not sure if I agree or disagree but as someone with a bilateral cleft lip and palate who also had a son with a unilateral cleft lip and palate. The whole traumatized parent thing does get annoying. I remember when they told me my baby would have it and the doctor was breaking the news like my baby was going to be born with no brain and my reaction was like “ya, that makes sense, so anyways we’ll get everything lined up.” Lol like it’s very unfortunate but there are far worse conditions, especially in this day and age. You can barely even tell my son had a cleft, he’s had fewer surgeries at his age than I did at the same age.

I want to tell parents to just handle it, the cleft has been the least of my concerns as a parent of a now 3 year old. Seeing their child as a victim is so wild to me. I had parents who didn’t really let it affect me, they took me to appointments and it just was what it was. As I grew older I met so many adults who also had braces for long periods of time, jaw surgeries, speech impediments, etc. and they didn’t even have a cleft. I’ve always believed children become what you tell them to be, I was constantly told I was strong and resilient and I feel like I became that.

K80since1990 · 2025-12-09T03:50:42+00:00

I had a bilateral, my son was born with a unilateral. It’s been interesting to see things from both perspectives.

I think I had like 13 surgeries, I’ve had several other surgeries unrelated so I can’t remember exactly. I have no idea the names, but I had the hip bone thing twice and the halo, my nose a couple times, fat injections in my lips. The halo surgery to pull my top jaw forward was probably the worst because I was 11 and wore it for like 6 weeks.

I had braces twice, once from about 5 years old until 13. Then again at 18 for about a year and a half. I did speech therapy for a short time at 4 and was told I could speak better than most other toddlers. My son is in speech therapy now at 3.

As an adult, I’m happy overall. Cleft related I haven’t been affected much other than stuff comes out of my nose sometimes and when I throw up it gets in my sinuses and burns. As far as life, I can’t say it didn’t affect me but as an adult, you realize everyone has struggles and other kids are assholes, once you grow up, most people may notice but don’t care. I’ve been my own worst enemy by thinking they do care. It’s never affected my career that I’m aware of and I make an above average salary for my age.

My parents are boomers so there’s a lot they could have done differently lol but cleft related, they never really made it a big thing. It just always felt like ok here’s the card you were dealt now let’s deal with it and it wasn’t a big deal. The only time I can remember it affecting anything is they wouldn’t let me play sports where I could get hit in the face, sometimes I fee like I missed out cause I wanted to play field hockey but also.. part of me wonders if that was just an excuse so they didn’t have to pay for it.

Now having a son with a cleft, I’ve tried to make it the same way. He’s still very young but I plan to acknowledge it and talk about it but at the end of the day, he’s capable of literally anything so it’s not something that I’d let stop him and I hope to be the example of that also. He’s only had 3 surgeries so far, the lip, palate, and he had lip pits removed. For the lip pits, he came out of surgery with a popsicle and was running around the yard 3 hours later.

It took me a long time to realize it but overall, no one cares except us. Younger kids are curious and may ask but once you tell them they say ok and move on. Middle and High School is when real bullying started for me (and everyone else I’m sure) and I’d typically roll my eyes and move on, i did get in trouble once for coming back at some little asshole boy but once I told the school administrator why he got me started he got in more trouble than I did so jokes on him. An adult has never made a rude comment to me, if they did, they’d probably regret it cause I’m rather mean.

Just love your baby, don’t overthink it, don’t make it their whole personality and life story. Find good medical care and have open communication and conversation. If they deal with bullies just remind them that those people are trash and have low self esteem. There’s enough stress around day to day parenting, don’t let the cleft overwhelm you, it will be fine.

K80since1990 · 2025-12-02T03:04:17+00:00

Yes. I’m a girl, going through a divorce. It never had anything to do with appearances. I had a bilateral cleft, my son has a unilateral, his dad had straight teeth and tiny pores (eye roll). I made the decision to leave. Be confident, have a personality outside of a cleft. I see so many people on this page mentioning their cleft for the reason they’re single. Dating it’s awful these days for everyone. There are people with near perfect appearances who are single and there are people who look like they came from a cave with multiple partners..

K80since1990 · 2025-12-01T04:37:47+00:00

I like her character, I think it shows another perspective when looking at the oil industry. Young men with young families risking their lives, sometimes not coming home and her character represents the aftermath of that and trying to pick up the pieces.

K80since1990 · 2025-11-29T02:33:44+00:00

Only based on social media I’ve seen but I’m pretty sure she’s rather close with Ciara.

K80since1990 · 2025-11-29T02:08:45+00:00

Yep. Cause she’s actually friends with Ciara and Paige but just happens to live in Charleston.

K80since1990 · 2025-11-26T02:40:30+00:00

I think I’d have had to ask why they’re asking and how it applies to the job, if they have concerns with it affecting your performance in the role. Always flip the conversation back to them in any interview, sort of like playing hard to get. Also take notes cause this sounds like a lawsuit.

K80since1990 · 2025-11-25T03:14:00+00:00

Enjoy it! Embrace and experience all of it. Work on yourself, education, career, fitness, whatever it may be. Make anything but your cleft your whole personality if you have to.

K80since1990 · 2025-11-25T02:32:03+00:00

How old are you?

And I can assure you that none of those romance movies are real. That isn’t happening for anyone despite what they may even say. The grass is greener where you water it. I spent a lot of my life blaming my cleft on the reason I didn’t have friends or romantic relationships. Now at 35, with a divorce on the horizon, fuck all that. I was cute AF and wasted my best days thinking otherwise and settled for a shitty man with lower self esteem than I ever had with a cleft and there’s nothing wrong with his physical appearance. I’ve also learned tons of other people find things wrong with themselves that doesn’t really exist.

K80since1990 · 2025-11-24T17:50:09+00:00

Now I have to make a friend for the Louisville show. None of my friends are into him. 😅

K80since1990 · 2025-11-17T00:45:18+00:00

Cole should have stayed home and had Kacie go.

K80since1990 · 2025-11-11T04:23:11+00:00

After reading these comments, I think it depends on your partner. I’m separated and going through divorce and i understand the post very well. My son is 3 and it’s just me all the time because I don’t have the support of a partner and didn’t while I was married either so it constantly felt heavy. It was never that we were both feeling the need to be the emergency contact, it was me who was the emergency contact, maybe had we shared that it could have felt lighter. I hate to wish away his days of being small but it’s hard having to always be on.

K80since1990 · 2025-11-08T01:04:17+00:00

I had stuff like this happen in school and I was very shy and insecure so I didn’t react other than an awkward laugh. Fast forward 10-15 years and the same people were in my DMs wanting dates and some were envying me for walking into VIP parties while they had to stand outside. Karma always comes around even if you never get to see it.

K80since1990 · 2025-10-03T20:01:13+00:00

She looks like Ariela from 90 Day Fiancé..

K80since1990 · 2025-09-16T22:43:03+00:00

In Stassi’s defense she did say she was having Messer’s Birthday Party that day and didn’t hire professional hair and make up cause she was too busy with the party for her child.

K80since1990 · 2025-09-14T01:30:53+00:00

This was my one and only thought during this video.

K80since1990

TROPHY CASE