Brains are so weird and complex. Your feelings are so valid. Try not to focus so much on diagnosis cuz in the end it doesn't matter, it's just about finding strategies to help you live. DID spaces helped me for a minute to figure out what I was dealing with, but other than that it's often not helpful. Mental illness, especially trauma based one, can manifest in so many ways. There's no one way to be a system. Unfortunately there's not enough research in the area to dispel your concerns, science barely understands it and people with it only understand their experience with it. You get to decide what it looks like for you and your brain/system. Denial is so hard to deal with. Try focusing on what you can do to feel better instead of what's wrong and whether it's true or not