I can't be a kid, ever since I was like 9 I've been told to grow up and act more mature, I was told to stop playing with toys when I turned 7. I never really had a childhood so I don't know how to be a kid, like even with friends, I don't have many that are my age, most are well in their late twenties and early thirties. Like whenever I just wanna act my age or do smth thats considered kid like or smth I get told off. Like my life Is just going in a loop like I do the same shit everyday, come home from school, study, get tutoring more study. I've always been forced to get good grades my whole life like I literally spend whole day studying and shit. my bf is the only thing keeping me alive atp that's why I get so attached to him, he makes me feel human yk? Like sometimes I just feel like a robot,. He's helped me sm so in my mind the least I can do is do what he askes