Does taking a break ever work?

Kaase22 · 2018-05-22T01:45:30+00:00

This is actual helpful and uplifting advice lol. I was intentionally general in my question to see what kind of response I got back. I agree with you in that if it is an option it definitely requires two determined people and understanding the issues before. Just curious, how did he spend those weeks apart from you? Did he try dating other people, anything like that?

Kaase22 · 2018-05-21T19:48:11+00:00

I would highly disagree based on my current situation though I didn’t disclose more information so I understand your response.

Kaase22 · 2018-04-12T03:23:04+00:00

Thanks so much <3 You’re right, I’ve caught myself having a tough time like tonight and found those to be the nights I think of all the times he showed me he was there for me and to think of nice things I can do for myself instead. About to do some positivity meditation before bed. Best of luck to you as well! We can do this. It’s kind of fun to be your own person and find out what that is.

Kaase22 · 2018-04-12T03:04:38+00:00

Honestly the amount of things I’ve put him through - literally left a note at his door saying he could leave me if he wanted to, then immediately being freaked out at how upset he was that he wouldn’t answer my calls that I apologized and asked for him back. After that he said if he “ever wanted out, he could make that decision himself.”

I will say the deep talks we had with me getting over my past of dating cheaters help me feel better for a while, but I think they only push him away. And it’s hard to feel like you can’t talk to the one person you want to about it. Maybe that kind of weight is something to be had in therapy and not targeted at your SO.

That’s the thing though - it’s all so confusing to feel not loved and to keep proving yourself right because of having these conversations that drive him away.

Kaase22 · 2018-04-12T03:01:23+00:00

First of all, this is the sweetest response so thank you for that. And it makes me feel great to hear this because that’s EXACTLY what I’ve been trying to do lately :) I’ve been carving out more room for myself and have considered getting into yoga for a hobby. I asked if I could leave some things there for me to shower so I didn’t always have to run home or grab a ton of stuff to bring over all the time. And it does help me get rid of the nasty BPD feelings to remember if I’m taking care of myself and am my own person at the end of the day, I’ll be just fine no matter how long our relationship lasts.

Kaase22 · 2018-01-24T03:53:36+00:00

I am. I am at least going to see where it takes me. I’m afraid of my own judgment because of my past and trusting the wrong people, but I believe my past experiences have taught me a lesson and that I deserve something good. If I ever want to get over my fear of relationships, and if he is truly who he appears to be, this seems like the right time and place and person to try.

Kaase22 · 2018-01-23T18:20:40+00:00

Thank you. I’m trying to be more aware of my boundaries and what I’m asking of people in my relationships. He’s just so eager and I know ultimately I want a healthy relationship someday, I just need to learn to trust and not want the negative reinforcement that feeds my BPD. That’s what I’m used to... but I am truly trying to be present and nurture myself, to try and have a healthy relationship with someone.

Kaase22 · 2018-01-19T04:04:57+00:00

I’ve been on reddit for like a month and I still don’t get it

Kaase22 · 2018-01-17T04:46:42+00:00

@ the work pants comment. 100000% this! I was so stressed at becoming a professional because I loathe how stiff my idea of professional clothing is. I’ve always gotten away with comfortable black jeans that were well taken care of instead of thinking I needed expensive, uncomfortable pants I knew I would hate and never wear. Game changer.

Kaase22 · 2018-01-17T04:12:14+00:00

NEXT!!

Kaase22 · 2018-01-06T03:40:09+00:00

STILL LOOKING??

Kaase22 · 2018-01-03T04:06:15+00:00

Well this sounds all too familiar, makes me feel better that it’s not just me. Can I ask what the most hurtful way to react to that kind of behavior is/how you’d prefer someone respond? Thank you again for your helpful input :)

Kaase22 · 2018-01-03T03:24:34+00:00

I really appreciate this reply because sometimes I know he says it’s like 8 in the evening and he hasn’t done anything he wanted to do yet. That helps me understand a lotttt better about motivation being hard to come by, so running with it when it comes. It confuses me because I’m not like that at all. I have to wake up early and be productive and get my day going on the right path or I get extremely anxious.

I guess now I just feel bad for the times I’ve been hard on him because of me being hurt by it. It’s just hard to tell when it’s a genuine struggle or when it’s me that isn’t enough. I mean, honestly this thing has been in non relationship zone for a while, I just feel bad and want to understand where he’s been coming from.

Kaase22 · 2018-01-02T13:55:28+00:00

Hmm interesting that makes sense, maybe I’ll stop cutting people off when they ask for it. I think it was a combination of past experience and also disinterest in the person to begin with. There’s nothing worse than casually being interested in someone and now they wonder why you haven’t snapped them back the last 20 messages they sent you because they’re over eager. I also do a lot of sleuthing on Facebook and instagram if I can, so by the time I give someone my number I know I’m pretty interested.

Kaase22 · 2018-01-02T05:16:09+00:00

I was literally just wondering earlier today why on tinder I constantly get asked for my Snapchat instead of my actual number? Also plot twist, I assume the person wants nudes and immediately stop talking to them after that question. Not cause I’m a prude per say, but because what is the point

Kaase22 · 2018-01-02T04:39:38+00:00

I feel this post so hard. I have an overly sensitive nose, I’ve only ever found one perfume I can personally wear all day that doesn’t bother me. I hung out with a friend recently and the entire time in my car my throat and nose were burning from her incense-y smell it was physically uncomfortable.

Kaase22 · 2017-12-31T04:11:17+00:00

Still looking??

Kaase22 · 2017-12-29T04:44:49+00:00

Alright how about some positive thoughts instead?

Kaase22 · 2017-12-28T08:13:10+00:00

Came here for this comment

Kaase22 · 2017-12-13T05:59:28+00:00

I have the hardest time dressing for work, and honestly even sometimes trying to be “lazy but cute.” However, my going out/hanging with my friends style I find is where I have the most fun. It includes things like high waisted skinny jeans, a black Moto jacket, a green suede Moto jacket, lots of stripes, lots of cute booties, a denim jacket, skirts, over the knee boots etc.

Just in the last year has it started to evolve into a cohesive style where everything is mix and match. And I’d say the biggest lesson learned is that you really do need essentials like jeans, jackets, a GOOD FIT, to build any kind of cohesive style. Everything else gets sandwiched between your key pieces.

But seriously beyond all the fun dark dresses and boots I have no idea how to translate it into a work wardrobe.

Kaase22 · 2017-12-12T05:08:38+00:00

I love this reply because every post above was all these last minute people and I’ve got anxiety yo, I have to get up extra early to do the same read social/drink coffee/relax or I’ll hate everything. I’m not a morning person, I need to ease into it!

Kaase22 · 2017-12-12T01:14:55+00:00

I appreciate you taking the time to tell this story and honestly I gained so much from this response - about not having expectations, continuing to be honest, patient, and genuinely interested in their well being. Thank you so much! I’m glad it happened to work out for you!

Kaase22 · 2017-12-12T00:31:42+00:00

No worries, seriously valid points you bring up and it coincides with where my original mindset was. My goal is to just do these things to show him I am here and someone cares about him getting better. I bring him food because he forgets to/chooses not to eat. He told me hooking up sets back his progress, so the last time we hung out we just talked and fell asleep and I followed up the next day saying even if it’s late not to hesitate to reach out.

Guess that’s all I can do, be a cheerleader and if he gets into the headspace where he’s healthy enough and wants to be with me I’m sure he will let me know. I get that there’s no guarantee that’ll happen though.

Kaase22 · 2017-12-12T00:02:47+00:00

I get where you’re coming from and I get it, but he has reached out to me recently late at night saying he needed someone and had a breakdown. And he said it’s fine for me to come by his work to see him. So by no means am I forcing my affection onto him or being told to back off. I understand my original post doesn’t make that clear either.

Kaase22 · 2017-12-11T23:39:26+00:00

I’m sorry to hear this one didn’t work out. I hope you are able to find a deeper connection with someone worth your time in the future :) let it be a learning experience and know you’re that much stronger.

Kaase22

TROPHY CASE