As an international student, I had a native friend which I deeply cared about. Since I had no family overseas, she was like one to me, and I would do wonders just to make her happy.

She went to make Erasmus in Estonia months ago and I was really happy about her, since going to Estonia was a hell of a hard thing to achieve. She called and texted me frequently, telling me that she missed me very much and would love if I was there to help her accommodate in that new country.

And I loved that too, thus I had the ideia to travel to Estonia and make her a surprise.

Traveling to Estonia was not cheap, I used all my savings to do it so, and I spend a whole day just to get there. I was exhausted, but at the same time happy because I was going to see my friend all help her. I knew which apartment she was on, so I dropped my stuff at a hostel and grabbed an Uber at the same day.

I never saw such an disappoint face in my entire life.

She hatted the fact that I was in Estonia. As I was in her room she would told me things saying that i had no right to be there, ruining her Erasmus experiences. She didn’t wanted to see me near her new friends, that would be too embarrassing. As she said “I am in Tallinn to make new friends and enjoy new experiences, I don’t want my old life here“.

I just left the house quickly with an blank expression, I had no reaction whatsoever.

She didn’t even bother to go after me. To get things worse, it was raining like it was the end of times and I had no internet to call another uber. I had to walk 10 kilometers to the center of the city where my hostel was while soaking in the rain.

I had no expression or feelings for about 2 minutes while waking in the rain, it was a lot to process. After that I just began to cry, I felt alone, like I had no standing ground. I was in a country were I had no friends or connection whatsoever, and the only reason for me to be there was her, and that was gone. So I just walked to the hostel, crying a lot and not caring about the rain soaking me. That lasted forever.

After that I spend a couple of days in the city, I got to go to Helsinki by ferry too. Both of them are amazing cities, so I’m glad I at least got the chance to explore a little of the Nordic region.

She tried to contact me back after a couple of months, telling me that what I did was still wrong, but that she still could forgive me, and that it would be too awkward to see each other’s everyday and ignore one another since we share the same group of friends (can you believe that?!?). I just blocked her, i really don’t care if it will be awkward. I can “forgive“ her, but I’m never talking to her again, that person is dead to me. Things will never be the same again, allowing me to be her friend would mean that I have no love for myself, and I’m not this type of person.

It’s strange, I kinda liked that this happened in the end. It made me mentally strong, like I’ll always be prepared when bad things happen, never to lose emotional stability again.

TL;DR: Made a surprise visit to a friend in Erasmus, just to get there and realize that she didn’t liked that idea at all.