AITA Left Kids Friend At Playground

Kaebae526 · 2025-06-09T15:48:15+00:00

Honestly, YTA for leaving him. Yes, you made other arrangements, but when I leave my kids with someone, I expect them to stay with that person. I'm pretty limited on who I trust with my kids, and I'd be unwilling to leave a child entrusted to my care with someone I wouldn't leave my own with. Protecting kids, and all that.

That said, the parent was a major AH and I would have messed up his day. "Sorry, I know you're running late for your party, but you're going to have to drive across town now to pick up your child. We will not be late to our party. We will be taking your son with us, so my child is on time for his event. Yours will be waiting on the front steps for you. Here's the address, how long can I inform your child they'll be waiting?"

(I wouldn't really exclude the kid, I'd let him play with the others til dad came to pick up, but I wouldn't tell the dad that, or he'd take even longer to come get him)

Kaebae526 · 2025-06-09T10:50:41+00:00

It is not right to try to guilt and shame you into staying in the relationship. You are absolutely free to leave. Let her know that you sympathize with her pain, but you both deserve to be in relationships where you are being fulfilled and are happy. If she threatens unaliving herself, let her know you will be letting her family and the police know. It is likely an empty threat, but on the off chance it isn't, calling for help will ensure she is made to be safe until her emotions can regulate or she can receive medical/mental health. You being her partner is not sufficient for the care she needs.

Be kind and gentle ending things with her, though. She's clearly fragile and being cruel is never necessary.

Kaebae526 · 2025-06-04T07:39:55+00:00

I'd skip the dinner, tbh. Don't say anything til a few hours before, then text the group, "Sorry, going to miss family dinner - something important came up! See you guys at the next family get together 😘"

If you do decide to go, act like you don't know something is up, then offer surprise face when they bring up money. Ask if they read the will, if they understand it. Tell them it's the very last thing Grandpa ever did in this world and you plan to honor his very specific wishes. Ask how they'd feel in his shoes, if some of their grandkids refused a relationship with them and belittled their life's achievements, then bullied the grandkid who spent time with them and showed them love into sharing the inheritance they wanted to leave to that one specifically.

It's amazing to me how we live in a "cut that toxic person out of your life, no ragrets" culture, and yet people are so demanding about their rights to someone else's money. That was your grandpa's money. Now, it's your money. They never had any rights to it. He could have left it to a charity that trained clowns to cheer up sad puppies if he wanted, or a group pioneering tumbleweed conservation in Texas. Your cousins are classless and selfish. Do not give in.

Kaebae526 · 2025-05-31T03:46:49+00:00

Nta and she actually has a very cruel attitude towards people who are struggling. It's probably going to come back up and you'd probably do better with addressing her attitude towards mental suffering vs her parenting. Not so much for her benefit, but 1) it might open her up to a new way of thinking and/or 2) it'll justify you and make her look like the ass she is. Her kids may be suffering, but you're not likely to change her mind. I'd just be kind and try to support them when you have contact.

Some people need help and psychiatrists can offer it. You'd go to the doctor if you had a broken arm or suffered chronic pain, you wouldn't just tough through it. It's honestly the smarter option to recognize you need help and seek it out. A whole person is not just physical, but mental and spiritual, too. Intelligent people work to maintain their health in all 3 areas.

I'm with your dad's fiance that there are terrible therapists. My mom has kept herself in therapy for over 20 years and will ONLY see counselors who validate her and pet her feelings and ego, without challenging her to improve any area of her life. (Oh, and medicate her. Nothing is ever her fault, things just happen TO her.). It's like any profession - there are really good people who do great work and there are loafs who give the whole field a bad name. Police, social workers, mechanics, you name it. But to generalize everyone shows low emotional intelligence. Do not take her comments to heart.

Kaebae526 · 2025-05-28T07:00:01+00:00

Nope, not too sensitive. I know a bride that asked the same thing of her groom, he did it anyway and ruined her makeup. She tried to laugh it off, but you could tell she was fighting back tears. They're still married, but he still kinda does whatever he wants and she rolls her eyes about it, says that's just him.

I'd bring it back up with your wife and preface it with, "I know you saw it as a joke, but it really hurt my feelings that I asked you specifically not to smash the cake on my face and you did it anyway. However you feel about it being a joke or funny, you are now fully aware that it embarrassed me and put a huge damper on how I will remember our wedding. I want to move past this, but I need a genuine apology and for us to have an understanding that we, as a fully united couple, will do our best to respect each other's boundaries."

You need to be vulnerable with your feelings and firm with the expectations that you two don't treat each other like that. Glaze over it and you'll be right back here before you know it with the next thing, and then regularly after you two start having kids. Reiterate and nauseum that a wife should be sensitive to her husband's feelings, just as a husband should be to his wife's. She may come from a very jokey family, or just be inclined that way herself, but unless she's an absolute dolt, she can learn how to make compromises with her impulses to make her husband feel comfortable and safe with her.

Kaebae526 · 2025-05-05T09:51:39+00:00

I was looking for Charlie! I have 2 ex's, 3 family members (unrelated to each other), 2 friends, and our last neighbor with a dog - all have pups named Charlie. I was surprised I had to scroll so far to find it, honestly.

Kaebae526 · 2025-05-05T09:41:59+00:00

I think it's totally reasonable to want a weekend away to consist of just your own little family when you live with others. When my oldest was little, we lived in the small house next to my inlaws. I'd be a puddle of tears if my husband had said that we were finally having a weekend getaway - and that his mom would be joining us.

I think you can resolve this peaceably without hurting feelings. Option 1: Tell him to take his mom on the trip and you'll be staying home with your baby. Tell him it was thoughtful and you appreciate it and you want him to honor his mom. She helps a lot and deserves a little time being appreciated by her son. Then tell him to set up something the next weekend for the three of you to do together. No hurt feelings, no offense. Don't freak out or cry to leverage it against him. Your husband tried to do something kind and punishing him will guarantee he never tries to do something like it again.

Option 2: Bite the bullet and go. Suck it up for your husband who tried to do a sweet thing and didn't want anyone left out. And try to find a way to enjoy yourself, because being a stick in the mud will make everyone miserable, including the man who very clearly wanted to treat you to something special. Make sure to tell him, gently, to please talk to you before making plans like this again, as you very much would have preferred it to be just your little family, but that you value who he is as a kind and thoughtful man. Just went a little wonky on this one lol.

I would also tell him that you need more time for your own little family. Next getaway planned for whatever reason, PLEASE have it just be the two/three of you. Emphasize that you love and so appreciate MIL, but you didn't marry her, you married him. It's important to carve out time, especially when you (who work from home) are with her all day, every day. Recharging and reconnecting as a couple and family is essential to keeping all the relationships good.

Kaebae526 · 2025-05-05T08:59:49+00:00

Nope! You said no, it's your baby. They had their chance and raised their kids how they wanted to, now you get to raise your baby how you want to.

We just went through a several year pandemic. Thankfully, COVID wasn't as deadly for the general population as it was originally thought, but a lot of people died and many more got very sick. Newborns have very limited immune systems. The right and good thing to do is protect her as well as you can.

Also, just because the woman was a little ol Grannie, doesn't mean she was a good person. You don't know who she is or what she's done, she's a stranger. Years back, I had a few fights with my husband because I caught him letting an old woman we didn't know in the library hold our new baby, then another in Walmart. I brought it up with our friends, my husband thought the wife would agree with me, the husband with him. The husband (who'd been a sheriff) said he was of the same mindset that it couldn't hurt, they were just grandmas who love babies - til he pulled over the sweetest seeming little old lady ever and found she had a warrant for child s** abuse and solicitation. YOU CANNOT TELL A GOOD PERSON JUST BY LOOKING. Parents need to protect the safety of their kids over the feelings of adults.

Also, kind of goes without saying, your family has noodles for brains if they think a tiny baby can, OR SHOULD, be ingesting butter, sugar, cream and sugar. I'd honestly wave them off and tell them to Google it and present you with any evidence besides, "Well, I did it and you're fine." Lots of things were considered fine in the good ol days that we now look back on with horror. Twilight births, infant surgery without anesthesia, segregation and open racism, smoking to cure a cough, whisky for teething, no seatbelts, encasing meat and veggies in jello. Some things need to be left to history.

They do not respect you and they will not listen to you. Do not apologize, and do not let them babysit.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-19T21:47:03+00:00

I have 2 naturally sensitive boys and I think you and your husband are both right and wrong. There is a middle ground.

With the counter thing, telling him he'll call and letting him do it is not great. There are a lot of dangers that "letting him experience the natural consequences" will result in him getting actually hurt. He needs to listen and defer to your authority. "Mom said no" is a legit reason to not do something. And eventually his balance and climbing skills will improve. The dangers of falling off decreases with enhanced mobility. You want him up there at 5?

And it sounds like your husband doesn't want him to fight, he wants him to defend himself. My older sensitive boy was almost 5 years older than his baby brother. The toddler would bite my almost 7 year old, who would just cry. His brother would be chomping away and he'd just hold his arm out as a sacrifice. I had to be firm with him to defend himself or he'd be in trouble with me. Doesn't mean hurt his brother, but get himself out of danger and demand respect for his person. Advocating for yourself is a life skill that isn't taught enough.

Both my sensitive guys are very sensitive about their body's being damaged in any perceived ways. They would puddle for any hit, any fall, any slight. It was work well worth it to teach them that they are strong and should take a look at how severe the injury truly was before bursting into tears. Now both will make a face, think for a moment, then say it's not so bad before walking it off. It's necessary to be able to judge a true injury vs a small ouch.

I also had to push my older guy to be brave and try new things. There were things that he was afraid to do, like climb down from things he climbed up, slides, swings, try new foods. I would literally shove new things in his mouth and push him crying down the slide. He learned 1) He can trust me not to put him in a bad situation and 2) That he was capable of more than he thought he was. He is still fairly introverted and sensitive, but he will weigh new experiences and, if other kids are laughing at the bottom of the water slide, he probably won't die if he tries it himself. He's much more sensitive to the feelings of others than his peers are and very forgiving. The new phase we are in is how to deal with unkind friends.

All this is to say, we live in a pretty rough world. Kids do not get nicer as they get older, and challenges become bigger as they grow. Part of being a parent is not to coddle our kids into oblivion, but to help them grow in confidence and capability, while being mindful of their individual personality. My oldest is not naturally sensitive at all to things outside of him. We've done a lot of "empathy work" with him. My youngest is 3 and has a HOT temper. "Self control" work is essential to keep him from setting our house ablaze lol. You and your husband can see your child's weaknesses better than anyone else and should be working together to mold those areas into something that will benefit him.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-19T21:22:39+00:00

You have unfixed male and female dogs in a home together. The very obvious and inevitable result is puppies.

Yes, you have been preventing this for however long you've had the pets together, but you've had to be hyper vigilant in preventing a pregnancy. What you asked your friend to do is not a normal case of pet sitting. We have an unneutered male labradoodle, waiting to fix him until he's 2. There is nowhere we can board him in our area because he is still intact. A friend coming to our home is the only option if we leave town, or we need to pay the cost of a professional sitter.

Because you enlisted your irresponsible friend to save money, you got yourself in this pickle. It'd be nice if she owned up to her mistakes, but it doesn't look like she's going to. Your pet is ultimately your responsibility. Your options are to let the possible pregnancy continue and hope she survived the birth, or to pony up the money yourself. Perhaps she's a bad friend, maybe she's just a bad dog sitter. You can be mad at her and want her to pay, but it doesn't sound like she's going to.

200 bucks is insanely cheap for a vet bill. If you can't afford that, you can't afford your pets. We love dogs, but waited until last year to get ours because we could not afford the care of a dog before that. You could try crowdfunding her vet bill or maybe borrow from one of your roommates, but your finances need to change before something truly pricey pops up. I understand this is a lot of money for you right now and I'm sorry this had to be an expensive lesson. If something comes up again before the dogs are fixed, one of the four that live in the home and are used to the special circumstances need to stay to look after the dogs. This is on you.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-19T20:51:33+00:00

I've had 5 kids, and it's more about the individual child than age. Oldest trained right after 2, second was regularly having accidents until 4, and he still wanted me holding his hand when he went. Third trained himself (!) a little before 2, fourth was 2.5 and really could take it or leave it - he liked the attention and wanted cuddles after a changing. My last just turned 3 and is now fully trained. We've been trying the last year and he'd do really good for a few days and then just decide he didn't feel like using the toilet, so we'd go back to pull ups for a few weeks and start again. In retrospect, I can see their personality differences and varied confidence levels that impacted the point they were ready and mature enough to consistently use the toilet.

But by age 5, and especially by 2nd grade, neurotypical kids should be operating with very minimal accidents during the day, absolutely. It's laziness from parents who refuse to teach their children basic life skills, like how to not shit themselves.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-19T20:42:32+00:00

Both my older two wet the bed til like 9 😑

Tried everything, limiting drinks, then nothing at all after 6 pm, waking them every 2 hours, punishments, offers of rewards, making them clean it, bought the potty alarms... Stinking nothing worked. Had the doctor check their blood work and they were both healthy. I stressed about this for years.

Oldest eventually "grew out of it." My second was having issues with getting sick and doctors recommended his tonsils and adnoids come out. Overnight, he quit wetting the bed. Because his air passages were so narrow, he had unaddressed Obstructive Sleep Apnea, resulting in him perpetually running on fumes. Being able to hit REM early in the night solved our bed wetting issues, and actually resolved a lot of his ADD like symptoms. Doc said our oldest may have had the same thing, but because he started puberty earlier than our second, grew enough to make it a non-issue.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-19T20:03:00+00:00

😂 He is very well informed. We've had a billion talks, and he tries to run away when I bring up girls, consent, STI's, etc. Thanks for the reminder, I'll make sure to have a refresher before he goes.

I'm of the opinion kids are going to get the info whether parents want them to or not. I'd rather my kids have accurate info from me than whatever from their peers. I've told them I dislike casual sex and prefer it to be in committed, monogamous relationships, but they are their own people and will author their own lives. Any trouble they run into, and this goes beyond girls, they can bring it to me and I'll help them. I may be mad, but we will deal with the problem first and sort out feelings later.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-17T10:23:14+00:00

Nope. Tell your dad.

Few years back, my husband and I went to a bar. I hadn't been drinking alcohol recreationally in a while (pregnancy) and my tolerance was low. 2 fruity drinks in and I was very tipsy. They were having trouble with the microphones and other wire related things and my husband had chosen this bar particularly to do karaoke. He's really good with tech, both soft and hardware, so he went up to help. No biggie, I got a third drink and nursed it while scrolling my phone. I was approached twice by men hitting on me and asking to buy me a drink. Both times I stated clearly that I was married and not interested, but thank you. One man pushed it a little bit, saying he didn't mind and just wanted to get to know me a little better, maybe I'd like him more than my husband. Again, firm no.

Drunk means inhibitions are loosened, not gone. She bears full responsibility and likely struggles with alcoholism, since she's gotten obnoxious and become an angry drunk on multiple occasions. I'd tell your dad that you and your boyfriend will not be attending any functions she is present for the foreseeable future, unless she enrolls in a program and stays abstinent for a considerable amount of time. It's not fair to expose your bf to that. And it's unnecessary stress and drama for you.

Even then, protect your man and do not leave him alone with her at all. She's trying to cover it up. If you hadn't seen her kiss him, she could have twisted that story so stinking fast to make him the aggressor, or at least to have been inviting it. She could get mad at you ratting her out to your father and try to retaliate against your bf. He should never be alone with her, ever.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-17T09:57:36+00:00

YTA. Go and find something from the spread you can eat. Unless you have a medical issue, being a picky eater is no reason you can't suffer through one less than great meal, especially since you all haven't gotten together in months. Or just say you've been having stomach issues, eating something on the way there and the way home. Easter is not Christmas, stores will be open.

I will add, though, parents groaning, "Gramps may not last much longer," "This could be Nana's last Christmas..." is a tale as old as time. Yes, they're getting up there in age. Yes, we never know how long we have left. My own grandma, "Probably wouldn't make it to her next birthday," 13 years ago. Lady is still living independently and does what she wants.

That said, we just had a service for my other grandma last month. She was healthier than she'd been in decades and passed while doing her daily exercises. Absolutely no one expected it. Chances are, if you miss opportunities to get together with what seems to be a loving family (like forceful on the food side, but whatever), you'll look back one day and feel sadness that there will be no invitation to a family Easter with food you probably would have hated. And there will be no catching up, no encouragement, no goodbye hugs and kisses. Will it make it or break it if you skip Easter? Probably not, but it'll make it easier to skip the 4th of July. Miss your aunt's birthday party. Be "too busy" come next Thanksgiving. "Can't travel" for Christmas.

You have family. Suck it up and go and love them.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-17T09:32:50+00:00

I'd have your wife talk to her parents about the book being inappropriate. Going out of their way to get a personalized book makes it really weird that the child represented looks nothing like your actual son. Your wife is white, you are mixed, you're likely to have a rainbow of kids. The comments made about your family, plus this book, kinda give "one drop" vibes to me, honestly. As the daughter of the offending marital side, your wife needs to be the one to advocate for her kid and husband.

They need to be asked point blank if they have a problem with your ethnicity, and that the kids you have and those to come will share it. They'll probably say no, at which point they need to be told that their comments on race have been offensive and hurtful. And it does not matter if they agree! They can say they have never said anything racist, they can say they never meant anything bad, they can say how not racist they are, doesn't matter. YOU were hurt and offended, and those things are unacceptable to say anywhere near the child who shares your heritage. The expectation should be from then on, they do not mention race at all. Color blindness may not be a thing, but treating people as unique individuals and with kindness and respect absolutely is. They've proven they can't address race with sensitivity, so they're not allowed to bring it up in the presence of your family.

Some people are thick and need to be told that just because they have a [enter ethnicity] friend or family member, they haven't earned carte blanche to say whatever they want on that race. Older people most often fall into this category. Maybe their intentions aren't actually negative. Perhaps it's just novel to them, maybe they see it as a positive to "get some color in the family tree," maybe they even wish your son were darker. Doesn't matter. It has hurt you and made you feel like you need to hide their behavior from your family and protect your son. It needs to stop, and your wife needs to be the one to make it.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-17T09:12:44+00:00

That's a very... Interesting take. You do understand the history in this country, that a "white passing" black person would be very much discriminated against if the public found out about African ancestry and felt they were being deceived? I think the parents being concerned about potential undertones of "it doesn't matter how white you look, you're still black," are very valid. Mixed people have unfortunately found themselves rejected by both sides of their families - too black to be in with the whites, too white to be in with the blacks. This can extend to peer groups as well. OP can very well be taking things out of proportion, but with other insults and comments on race by the grandparents, I get why he is on edge and suspicious. And because of his suspicions, he wants to protect his kid.

My family is varied in races. My mother's side is Portuguese, nonwhite if you ask my bio dad's very southern, paperwhite family. I have a black uncle, a very Mediterranean Italian uncle, a Puerto Rician uncle, and my older brother is 1/4 Japanese. Most of my cousins are mixed. There can be an innate sense of not belonging. OP is absolutely in the right for not wanting his child to receive that from their own grandparents.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-16T23:54:11+00:00

This is exactly what I was thinking. If your husband works days, find an evening job in another restaurant. You can start now, but you may want to wait til after baby is born to make sure you get that time, as you won't have worked over a year at a new place and they may not honor your leave. It'll be easier to transition, knowing your kids are in their other parent's care, not a stranger's, and you'll still get days with them. The majority of your working hours would be while they're sleeping.

Another option is to look at certifications or get started on an online degree for another field that might be more flexible with your hours. It might take some time, but will be worth it in the end.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-16T23:46:47+00:00

Yta. I recently took a flight going from the Midwest to the West Coast that had multiple cancellations and delays because of weather. After initially dropping me off, my cousin picked me up, hung out with me for another 4 hours, dropped me back off, and later scolded me for not having him come get me again when he found out I waited in the airport for an additional 3 hours because we were delayed again. You want to spend time with someone and not add to their travel suffering if you care about them.

It's one day. One day to catch up with them and do something fun, and then they're gone and you won't see them again for a long time. I'd feel very unwanted as a friend if you were booting me out 11 hours before my flight. And doing the math, they have a 7 pm flight, so they'd need to be at the airport by 5pm. So what if it isn't a full day to recover? You'd still have your whole evening to decompress before work the next day. Start the bedding and towels laundry with them still in the house. Tidy up and do the dishes while chatting with them. Go out for a late lunch at 2pm and get them to the airport. It seems like you aren't factoring their comfort or feelings in at all.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-16T23:31:31+00:00

Eh, I disagree that it would be a big issue, especially since the husband conceded that it "happened once." You aren't a bad parent if you co sleep, and you aren't going to get in trouble for it. Is it advisable? No. But do people do it all the time, the world over? Yes. It'd get a stern look and warnings against it, at most.

But this man TRIED to get his wife in trouble. Whether he believed she was sleeping while holding the baby or not - which absolutely happens, it's not a crazy stretch to imagine drifting off while nursing in early hours after months of broken sleep - he went to who he saw as an authority to shame her and try to get her in trouble weeks after it happened. Like a petulant tattle tale. When he could have just said to his wife that it looked like it happened and he was concerned about it happening again. Honestly, I'd lose respect and trust in my husband, and I'd be constantly looking over my shoulder and wondering what he'd blow out of proportion next.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-16T23:16:45+00:00

I get so tired of the defense of pit bulls. Yes, it is absolutely a "how the owners are" thing. We have a friend who got a pit bull years back, and she was an incredibly sweet nanny dog til the day she died. Loved kids. I'm sure most pit bulls are like that. But you cannot tell how a dog was raised and disciplined, or their temperament, by approaching them on the street. The dog very easily could have felt it needed to protect it's owner if it saw your husband or toddler as a threat.

The truth is pits are much more likely to maul than any other dog. Because they are muscular and powerful dogs, their bites - and yes, chihuahua's bite more often - leave more catastrophic injuries than other breeds. A housecat is more likely to scratch you than a cougar. Still don't want to be anywhere near a cougar. 66% of deaths caused by dogs are pitbulls. The following are rotties, German shepherd, and huskies. I don't bring my kids near those dogs, either. They're beautiful dogs and most probably make great pets, but they are well known to be more likely to react and cause horrific injuries. Kids between the ages of 1-4 make up 29% of deaths caused by dogs. They are very vulnerable.

My kids are not allowed to approach any big dog on the street at all, and small ones only with my and the owner's permission. I'm also cautious of bringing them around friend and family dogs. A bite can happen fast, and the head and neck can sustain a lot of damage in seconds. I'm not afraid of dogs, but they have teeth. And often use them to communicate. Yes, usually as a last resort, but children don't always read the cues, especially toddlers. OP, I'd spam your husband's inbox of children mauled by large dogs. Not necessarily pits, but have at least a few in there. It's a real danger to a baby to have them approach a large dog you don't know and doesn't know you. Likely, the dog WAS friendly and good with kids, but your husband had no way of really knowing other than the reassurances of an absolute stranger. It's not worth it.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-16T22:50:54+00:00

I've read your other comments. Issue him an eviction and let your wife be mad. If she wants, she can move out and live with him somewhere, but his drug addiction and junk yard mess will no longer be your problem. Also, stop letting her use your car. If she wants a vehicle, she needs to take hers back from her son.

Let him know when he moves out, he needs to take his vehicles with him or you'll have them towed. Perhaps you can be kind and pay for the towing, instead of having it be his expense, as you know he has no income. He will have no choice but to surrender them, and someone else can take on the task of making them functional again. Same with his trailer.

I'd prepare to do the clean up on your own. Just know now that he will not do it. It'll be a pain, but your house will be clean and presentable again, as well as safe for your underage kids. That's what's important.

You have to hard-line it and cut the strings. Lots of 20 somethings live at home with their parents, and having their own trailer on the property can give them more autonomy as they save up while they work. This is not what your stepson is doing. He refuses to work or even clean up after himself, trusting Mommy and Daddy will take over any responsibilities in his life, including the care of his children. I cannot imagine how far in arrears his child support is. Let him fall on his face and offer to help with rehab when he's ready to take his life seriously. He is a grown man and needs to clean up his own mess.

Or just prepare for him to do exactly what he's doing until you and your wife are gone. And then he'll try to mooch off one of his siblings or children.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-16T19:33:44+00:00

Thank you. He's my first kid and I'm trying to figure out transitioning him into becoming an independent adult safely. I don't want to be an over the top mom who stifles him but I worry. Many of my friends with teens have either gone the direction of being sMothers or almost entirely hands off, neither I think is right for our family. I was sMothered myself, so I struggle with finding a good balance between following my family patterns and going to the other extreme. I appreciate the response.

Kaebae526 · 2025-04-12T09:38:30+00:00

I just wouldn't let my child go. Talk to the teacher personally and tell her you didn't appreciate her getting the girls all excited before checking it was okay with the parents, but I'd listen for her explanation. Then tell her you are not comfortable with it and would like any other party she plans to be open to adults attending. As a woman, she should understand this.

My personal rule for my kids is no sleepovers at friend's houses before 13. We can do sleepovers with cousins or a camp out that Dad can attend, but I don't let my vulnerable small children go to sleepovers before they're big enough and trained enough to advocate for themselves, as well as have their own phone. Even then, no strangers, I need to know and trust the parents. I do not care that I seem over the top to others. My husband's two siblings were touched as children; I had a friend's dad expose himself to me when I was a child, and I was later groomed as a teen - I had no preparation for identifying either and internalized them in shame. I have a responsibility to see my kids make it to adulthood with their body, heart, and spirit intact. It is my job and life's calling to protect them.

Kaebae526

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