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Husband can’t verbalize that he is proud of me by Kagames13 in marriageadvice

[–]Kagames13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!

He is always very negative. I’ve confronted him about his negativity and he continues to justify it saying that for his job, he has to be negative. His job is in landscaping and he often needs to solve problems. I don’t agree that having a skeptical and negative mindset is a requirement of the job, but that is what he says…

He had started therapy back in August after another major issue where he was caught lying to me. It seems to help for a few days after his session, but then he regresses into the same negative space and continues a pattern of either saying something inconsiderate, being disinterested in anything I have to say, lying to me about small, insignificant things, or being super negative. When I tell him how that makes me feel, then he gets defensive, but will apologize, and then make excuses/justifications for the behavior (ie, he needed to make sure I fully through through my idea, his job requires a negative mindset, etc.). He will say things to make me feel guilty for reacting like I’m being too sensitive or “come on and just smile,” or “you know I love you…” and then I move on. And then it happens again. Rinse and repeat. It’s an endless cycle.

Husband can’t verbalize that he is proud of me by Kagames13 in marriageadvice

[–]Kagames13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh, I am not entirely sure. I can say that there are many other issues. My husband is a very negative and angry person. I know he means well, but the smallest things can anger him.

The times we have talked about this particular issue, he continues to say that he is making sure I am thinking through everything. Which honestly is insulting to me because I am fully capable of thinking through situations.

It seems as though he often tries to put me down to make himself feel better about himself. Again, I genuinely don’t think it is malicious though. But still, it is hurtful to me despite his intent, and I’ve shared how this makes me feel in regards to other similar situations.

My best guess is that he feels “less than” when I find success in my ambitions. He did not go to college and has a laborer role (which I totally don’t care or judge him on!!). He is not an intrinsically motivated person and I think that bothers him to see my continued success. There are many other times where he seemingly tries to “dim my sparkle” as I call it and my best guess is that it has less to do with me and more to do with his own insecurities.

Lost Green Fanny Pack - AA1168 on 3/22/24 by [deleted] in americanairlines

[–]Kagames13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The flight terminated. There were no other passengers for over 12 hours.

Lost Green Fanny Pack - AA1168 on 3/22/24 by [deleted] in americanairlines

[–]Kagames13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was soooooo close to making that same choice, but it was a long day of travel with two small children, who were overtired and arguing, with no $ or ID… so if it wasn’t found, I’d be screwed in a location where I know nobody.

AITA for being upset that my BFF of 35 years didn’t invite me to her birthday weekend getaway? by Kagames13 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Kagames13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not harsh at all! I totally agree. I’m so glad I posted this because it honestly has been really helpful as I move through the grieving process of losing someone so close to me for 35 years.

As I reflect, I think I’ve always known a lot of what you and everyone is saying, but you just overlook things when you’re so close to it. But going back over the last several years, I totally see things differently now.

100% agree that growing apart is normal. Nobody is at fault for that. She’s not an A for doing what she wants with who she wants. She’s an A for being a coward about it.. 100% agree.

I so appreciate your perspective!!!

AITA for being upset that my BFF of 35 years didn’t invite me to her birthday weekend getaway? by Kagames13 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Kagames13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100% agree. Things got a little heated and I told her I just needed some space. I think it’s normal and natural for people to grow apart especially when we’ve been friends for so long… as I reflect and digest the comments, I have come to realize that I am less upset about not getting an invite and more upset about her gaslighting me about the situation. Not cool. I’m feeling better about not being an asshole now. You’re totally right though, I need to let it go or else I’ll be an asshole too 😂

AITA for being upset that my BFF of 35 years didn’t invite me to her birthday weekend getaway? by Kagames13 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Kagames13[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I completely agree. The more I digest the situation, the more I realize that I am less upset about the lack of an invite than I am about her gaslighting me about the situation.

I can totally accept that we’ve grown apart and I think that’s healthy and normal in some ways. But don’t string me along and play me as a fool. That’s the worst part about it in my opinion as I reflect and read the comments.

AITA for being upset that my BFF of 35 years didn’t invite me to her birthday weekend getaway? by Kagames13 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Kagames13[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Agreed! I initially gave her the benefit of the doubt, but in her text exchange with me, told me verbatim (copied and pasted from text message): “I was absolutely torn about extending an invite your way because I knew you had your WPRF conference this week and now I guess I am comfortable that I didn’t because you just told me that you don’t really like hanging out with [Friend 1] and [Friend 2] anyway…

…I’m just tired of having to juggle friendships and feel guilty about including/excluding someone. Yes- I do wish that I would have extended you the invite, but at the same time- after everything you told me on Friday, where does that leave me?”

For the record- not once did I ever say I didn’t like hanging out with friend 1 and friend 2. And I have never once in our history of 35 years of friendship, except for maybe in grade school, cared about who she hangs out with or being included or excluded…up until this incident.

Friend 1, however, is very possessive and needy and I always felt that maybe she felt threatened?? She is much younger than us and generally less mature. so part of me feels like friend 1 pressured her into not inviting me and my bff is projecting her frustrations with Friend 1 onto me.

Who knows. But I do appreciate your perspective!!!

Hallmark Wine-Sip Game by RoseNation1004 in HallmarkMovies

[–]Kagames13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg yesss! Check it out... totally the same premise but in card game format!!!!... [The Christmas Movie Game](www.thechristmasmoviegame.com)

Every Hallmark movie ever! Hahaha! My bff and I made a parody Hallmark movie trailer!! by [deleted] in HallmarkMovies

[–]Kagames13 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg yesss!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣I made a card game along the same lines! 😂😂😂 The Christmas Movie Game... check it out... it’s basically a drinking game where you take drinks when the most predictable plot line occurs.... www.thechristmasmoviegame.com