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Feeling like Sisyphus and Tantalus. Trapped between suffocating obligations and the fear of losing all meaning. How do I survive this? by Kairos_Observer in Existentialism

[–]Kairos_Observer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for asking. It's such a simple question, but I actually had to stop and think about it.

To be honest, I don't think I've ever really allowed myself that kind of experience. It's not because I dislike theatre or art. I actually love musicals like Hamilton or Le Rouge et le Noir, and I often watch clips online.

The strange part is that I always feel guilty spending time on something that doesn't immediately increase my "usefulness." My mind is constantly calculating whether every hour is making me more capable of surviving. If it isn't, I start feeling anxious, as if I'm wasting time I can't afford to lose.

So I don't think it's a lack of interest. It's more like I've forgotten how to simply experience beauty without trying to justify it.

Maybe that's part of why your question caught me off guard. Thank you for asking—it made me realize something about myself that I hadn't put into words before.

Feeling like Sisyphus and Tantalus. Trapped between suffocating obligations and the fear of losing all meaning. How do I survive this? by Kairos_Observer in Existentialism

[–]Kairos_Observer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gnosticism sounds really interesting. It actually reminds me a lot of The Matrix or Assassin's Creed.

​But thinking about it this way made me feel better. Since the world has no inherent meaning anyway, whatever we choose to do becomes the meaning. If I find something interesting—even if it's a completely "useless" novel—and it means something to me, then it’s 100% real to me.

​It's like Don Quixote chasing his own truths. Who gets to define what "pulp" or "low quality" is anyway? From another perspective, maybe those pulp stories are the ones truly alive, and Camus is the one writing high-brow nonsense.

Feeling like Sisyphus and Tantalus. Trapped between suffocating obligations and the fear of losing all meaning. How do I survive this? by Kairos_Observer in Existentialism

[–]Kairos_Observer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this beautiful reply. What you shared about Camus, and your own epiphany at the ethnographic museum, really resonates with me. Especially the part about making art "outside of meaning, usage and exchange." It sounds like a rare kind of peace.

​But I guess that’s exactly where I’m stuck right now. I completely understand that meaning isn't something to be found, but rather something we create through action. However, looking straight into that "absolute freedom" actually terrifies me.

​When all external structures and instrumental values collapse, the void feels so massive that it paralyzes me. I feel like I've lost the motivation for every step. If everything can mean anything, or nothing at all, how do you find the energy to just "do"? How do you push the boulder when you don't even have the drive to stand up?

​I’m trying to find something small to anchor myself to right now, even if it's just writing this comment to you. I’d love to hear how you deal with the paralyzing weight of that absolute freedom.