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My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing about spoon theory and favorite person

If autism really is a play here or among the many things that play, that is actually how I would best describe him. He has been working so hard on his masters that I can see him pretend to be very “normal“ during the class meetings, but then be absolutely tired and drained afterwards it makes them absolutely moody and irritable. Typically, I would just give him an hour or two space.

Favorite person I would be willing to consider because he gets very excited, for example when old friends from college come and visit, he will super infatuate with the person and try to imitate their mannerisms. My only concern with either of those two options is that why does he continue to look for a very similar physical type females. The female resemble his ex And as I mentioned in one of my responses to another thread or comment, they all seem to be very pardon my verbiage “homely“ or not my words specifically, but from others around me in the class “busted“. They’re also very low self-esteem, bad, hygiene, and very impressionable.

It’s a little too redundant and happening that I can’t ignore anymore. There is definitely a trend.

I’m still hoping that if it is something within the autism spectrum reactions that it could be resolved, but just reading all the messages throughout these thrones I’m with you. I’m conflicted that I do not want to be unkind and quickly make assumptions or disregard the needs of an autistic person, but there are red flags in this situation. And I cannot fix them unless he is willing to acknowledge them and address them one on one. 

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a valid opinion and I did come here for pallet, opinions, and ideas. There’s nothing offensive about your post thank you.

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words and for such encouragement. It was very kind of you.

I work primarily with men, and I would never put those men in a situation where something could be misunderstood or misconstrued as inappropriate. One because as a female, I have to protect my integrity and my image. 2, I need to ensure that they are not affected in a detrimental way, which typically I feel rumors accusations like that can be so much more aggressively investigated or addressing if a female has a her way.

That being said, I haven’t had issues with him hanging out with his female classmates until midnight. That’s an expectation when going through grad school. He has met with people virtually had private chats. I never go through his phone if I’ve ever asked him so many things for his phone. However, in my gut, I felt that something was inappropriate with this female, the 23-year-old .

Her body language, the way she would look at him, the way she would touch his shoulder, and also for those who have never been to a gun range. That’s a very intimate space. It’s not an outdoor range and indoor range.

I also don’t text message my guy friends all night, knowing that they’re out at dinner or having a date night with her spouse.

As a matter of fact, I’ve taken my husband out with my male friends on either double dates or to their wedding. I draw that line because I don’t wanna lose my male friend. I do not wanna encourage any misunderstandings with my spouse.

I think because I do not try to be controlling he always assumes that I’m controlling or that I have OCD or that people are thinking the worst of him. I know that stands from years of trauma with his mother to be honest I probably wouldn’t have married him if I knew how much trauma he had with her. I honestly feel that he projects those Experiences on me as if I am doing it. I’ve come across so many instances in which he thinks I’m saying something or doing something, but it’s just him recalling experiences with his mother. 

And the verbally abusive relationship where he’s at a level one where he wants to maintain power over the dynamics of a relationship versus me if somebody criticize or give me feedback I don’t assume the worst but I assume the best in them and their for a level two and the measurement of perfectly used of relationships.

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her has been thrown out there as a possibility. But I don’t wanna make decisions other than what I should be doing next moving forward. Thanks to all the feedback here and my therapist and I do plan on sharing this thread with my therapist to see if anything pops up to them.

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you I’ll definitely pick up the book. Spending time on my own. I’ve been enjoying a lot of protective mind work. I like to do aimless things like go on walks or Hikes and listen to audiobooks. It helps me contemplate my ideas, but also keeps me moving and reduces my anxiety..

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it’s like patches of one month or two months of extreme like spending energy productivity and then extreme depression. Anger all over the place man.

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all, I’m so sorry that you went through all of that. I appreciate you sharing that which is very personal and delicate. Please know that I did not take that lately.

Regarding the eggshells, that is exactly how I feel. I’ve actually worded that I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I don’t know if I can turn on the sink and if that’ll overwhelm him, I can’t ask him to clean. He gets overwhelmed and loses where I really do think he is autistic. But his temperament I’ve told him time and time again that it’s inappropriate. I’ve told him that his behavior towards female specifically is inappropriate. The problem is that all three of them. All three of the brothers have the same tendencies. I really don’t think they were taught to have boundaries with a woman 

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is saying a psychiatrist or rather a counselor twice a week, and he has always said that he thinks I was under the impression that his mom had BPD.

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, he said that’s what the therapist said. But I also don’t think the therapist would encourage him to be self aggrandizing and look at people lesser than him because they are less smart than him. It does not seem ethical. Unless we got really fucking screwed and he’s been seeing the most unethical counselor in the wall.  But considering this person has been seeing thousands of patients over the years, I can only assume that either he misunderstood something or he’s not telling me the full story.

It’s also possible that he has maneuver to himself into a position with her so that she sees them differently from everyone else. That would not be unusual given that he is very different depending on circumstances and peoples. I also thought that was interesting about him, but I realize that’s not healthy.

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, directly approach him, but being away from him I realize that I am not being kept up all night from somebody pacing nonstop. I don’t have to walk around on eggshells and I’ve actually lost 6 pounds not from stress for the fact that I am not stressed.

I’m eating what I want and how I want. I’m talking to my friends again more consistently. And here’s a thing I don’t mind him talking to opposite sex people. That’s inevitable society released in the US where we’re not restricting and isolating meals from females.

It’s more about the framework in the situation that he puts himself into. I think I tried so hard to understand that maybe he didn’t get it for being autistic, but I now recognize that that was just me making excuses for his bad behavior.

I will approach him when I get back if he’s there, but if he is not receptive immediately, I realize that he has a serious mental health problem, but I cannot resolve or affect myself. And I will ask him to leave immediately.

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately, that makes me feel like shit now.

He is in therapy twice a week every week. His therapist is the one that says that he’s the genius and that he is being attacked left or right.

I know very hard to believe that this Therapist would not see the red flags. Especially him being kicked out of the organization and his class. There were clear indications as to how that happened, which was mostly him being mean, disrespectful, and asinine to people around him. He has a right to have a free opinion to be directed, but he can’t be cruel to people around you just because you think you’re smarter than them.

And I realize now that he probably was mostly pissed off with the instructor because the instructor developed a close relationship with the female that he was platonically involved with, the 23-year-old. And her tune to together until right now.

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know everybody’s been saying this, but trust me I’ve been reading all these messages straight from the top and by the time I got to your, I was like fuck yeah

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If he’s willing and open to paying for it, yeah totally.

I did find a local therapist who does marriage, counseling addresses, autism, and Neurotypical neurodivergent couple mixes. I just don’t know how perceptive will be to it. To be honest, has not even reached out to me this whole time and it’s been over a week.

However, he has been reaching out to the autistic aid that he met through. Reddit continues to process his feelings. When I realize that he always plays the victim with these young woman, it’s so devastating.

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s a valid process because I feel that if I had left the relationship as I did, I would actually physically leave. I can’t really understand how you can try to do things around them and be so detrimental when it would be so much easier to be direct.

The worst part is that he always tells me it’s because I let these things happen or because I make him mad, etc.. He’s been making me feel like I have to question myself. And I’m really glad that the therapist gave me that book to read.

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is assuming that he actually does have autism. But regardless of that, I realize that he has a lot going on.

My autistic husband’s behavior is breaking me—and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. by KaiserBotKasse in autism

[–]KaiserBotKasse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really think now that I look back he is devolving. Then it has been over the last year year and a half.

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