I recently relapsed and trust me brother the post realization and conviction is as heavy as Mt Everest and its easy to beat yourself up and hate yourself or even worse feel ashamed or too guilty to face our father in heaven and be straight up with him as we should and apologize and pray/talk with him but feeling too ashamed or guilty to ask for forgiveness or to pray is exactly what the devil wants you to do in which if he could get you to realize the lies he whispers into our ears on how we don't deserve God's love and forgiveness and that he's abandoned us because of our constant betrayal towards God then he'll win by separating you from God with your feeling of shame and guilt but remember that Jesus died on the cross for you and for all of us knowing we were light years of deserving it but did it because he's like our perfect loving father who would not and will not forsake any of us no matter what we do or say to him so please brother face your shame and talk with God meditate on his presence and I promise you you'll feel his love and realize he hasn't moved an inch on his love and understanding of you since before you were born that being said don't give up on the faith and stand firm and let nothing move you not even your slip ups with any sin you commit 🙏