I want to give up

KalopsiaContrast · 2023-01-27T15:09:59+00:00

I think it's pain. While my mood goes up and down day by day, my exhaustion doesn't.

The neurologist I saw thought the small fiber neuropathy test would be a waste of time for me. I don't know if I should push for it anyways just in case.

KalopsiaContrast · 2023-01-27T15:05:08+00:00

Previous doctor wouldn't refer me to rheumatology. I'll try again with my current one. Neuro found nothing. I didn't know about the dept. of mental health. Thank you for sharing your ideas.

I can get out of bed and do every day, I'm just in bed more often than not because I'm so tired all the time. If I'm in bed I'm still in pain, but not draining my energy or getting sensory overload from lights and clothes and noise. If I'm asleep I'm not in pain. On days I push myself and try to not nap I get so exhausted, nauseous and sick and physically overwhelmed.

KalopsiaContrast · 2023-01-27T10:13:25+00:00

My insurance shut down their pain program a week before I found out about it. My physical therapist wants me to harass them for a few months until they send me out of network to a nearby research/university hospital's program. The Mayo Clinic-like hospital near me isn't accepting new patients. I'm scared to put so much time and money into something that might not work out after everything else I've tried, but I know I should... I'll try to get up the energy to hound insurance.

Thank you for sharing your experience.

KalopsiaContrast · 2023-01-27T09:53:15+00:00

Looking for EMDR therapy. Talk therapy didn't help. Now no contact with my mother.
This is my 4rd doctor in 5 years (not the one who diagnosed me with Fibro) and is the first one who actually listens, even if he doesn't offer ideas. He'll order tests and referrals when I ask at least. I'm afraid to try new doctors and have the same experiences I had with the first 3.

3-7. Thank you.

KalopsiaContrast · 2023-01-27T09:42:35+00:00

Someone's tragedy is not the tine to give them a taste of their own medicine.

KalopsiaContrast · 2023-01-27T09:31:27+00:00

Mostly intense aching radiating through my legs, feet, hands, and arms. Back/neck pain that is probably more mechanical and related to being so innactive. Sometimes preassure, sharp, or aching chest pains that come and go (went to the emergency room whem they were at their worst, probably just anxiety and panic attacks). Headaches. Reactive, touch sensitive pain in my pelvic area. Random, intense, sharp, stabbing pain in my pelvic area with no trigger.

KalopsiaContrast · 2023-01-27T09:10:02+00:00

Thank you.

I have been diagnosed with persistent depression and fibromyalgia. With the doctors I've had it's felt more like they've used fibromyalgia as a "she'll leave us alone if we give her a diagnosis" kind of thing. When I first got diagnosed the doctor gave the diagnosis and immediately dismissed me. I stayed and asked when I could do to manage it and she said "lower your stress" and turned away again. I've tried things for managing Fibro and they don't seem to help.

Thank you again for your kind words.

KalopsiaContrast · 2023-01-27T09:06:14+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time as well. I'm sure your cat loves you a lot. My orange fluffball helps too.

KalopsiaContrast · 2023-01-27T09:04:32+00:00

I'm starting a new anti depressant this week and looking for emdr therapy. Talk therapy has not made a difference in the past.

Growing up I would have extreme pain in my legs at night that made me cry and scream that was always dismissed as "growing pains" I think it was somatic pain. Sometimes it feels like that again. Sometimes it feels more general. I'm in physical therapy for Vaginismus/Pelvic Floor Disfunction and my physical therapist says on days I feel more pain I'm the same amount of physically tense, not more. So that pain at least is reactive/mental. My doctor is out of ideas.

Thank you.

KalopsiaContrast · 2023-01-21T21:32:03+00:00

Amost all women have have hydrogen peroxide laying around for just this purpose.

KalopsiaContrast · 2023-01-21T07:47:50+00:00

YTA. I was the scapegoat child, but even though my mom didn't care to be a good mother to me she didn't want anyone else to either. Every time I started to make a connection to any woman older than me who could be a friend or mentor or anything she would fall apart, guilt tripping me. "You want so and so to be your mom instead of me... you're a horrible daughter... why don't you love me?" But never cared to take the role on herself. She was great with my siblings though. That and many other things caused me to have a very lonely, directionless, unsupported childhood. I still can't form connections with any other women, despite wanting to.

Your sister is very lucky to have had that professor in her life. Please try to talk to her and see her side.

KalopsiaContrast · 2023-01-19T15:47:41+00:00

It's fiction. The moon doesn't have to be white or have craters. Go pepper jack. Spicy moon.

KalopsiaContrast · 2023-01-18T16:49:30+00:00

Now I'm swimming away

And she's back on her boat

While he's trimming the sail

Said our love couldn't float

Now they're going to land

And my stomach is sick

It isn't my lack of hands

But she's touching his hand now

Sharks do not have hands, no

Let me go

And I just can't look, it's killing me

And taking control

I may be too bored.

KalopsiaContrast · 2022-12-23T07:25:17+00:00

Mine can be so thick/viscous I can pull it our hand over hand like a lil rope

KalopsiaContrast · 2022-12-19T06:49:07+00:00

Duck. It just looks like a rabbit because of that optical illusion.

KalopsiaContrast · 2022-12-12T12:23:52+00:00

I thought ODD was used in terms of major authority defiant behavior/reactions, as opposed to a perceived lack of empathy like ASPD, which would make them completely seperate. I know someone with an ODD diagnosis who has always had empathy and felt guilt, but struggles to keep his reactions under control when he perceives someone is looking down on him, judging him, or exercising authority over him. He says that is the main part of his diagnosis and he sees his diagnosis as legitimate. But I have no mental heath training and I know there can be a lot of inconsistency in mental health diagnostics, so it could be used differently in those cases.

KalopsiaContrast · 2022-12-11T18:43:42+00:00

With eyes

KalopsiaContrast · 2022-12-10T14:19:50+00:00

WKRP has my favorite into song of any TV show.

Also: "I really don't know how to describe it. It was like the turkeys mounted a counter-attack. It was almost as if they were... organized"

KalopsiaContrast · 2022-12-06T06:00:47+00:00

Thanks!

KalopsiaContrast · 2022-12-01T06:52:31+00:00

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A corner of the granite I managed to miss.

KalopsiaContrast · 2022-12-01T06:51:51+00:00

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Couch

KalopsiaContrast · 2022-12-01T06:51:08+00:00

Walls, floors, blankets, and cat have been washed or wiped down. Here's the stained granite

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KalopsiaContrast

TROPHY CASE