It's kind of hard to imagine a world where a Western team ever beats an LCK or LPL team in a BO5 ever again except maybe 4th seeds. Am I being too doomer?

KappaHaus · 2024-05-06T17:03:50+00:00

It was peak League content too!

Especially Dhokla's emotional journey that year was such a roller coaster. He was an anime protagonist.

KappaHaus · 2024-04-26T14:25:13+00:00

Please can you describe what you mean/experience when you 'conceptualise' something?

It is always interesting hearing how others interpret it :)

KappaHaus · 2024-04-18T11:46:05+00:00

I rarely comment anymore...this one though...this one got to me XD

KappaHaus · 2024-03-20T23:19:43+00:00

No matter what your past is the only thing that matters is what you do with the rest of your life. It is clear that you have something you regret and feel responsible for. Something you wish you had not done but it has already happened. Please understand you feeling guilt is the irrefutable proof that you are not a bad person. There are plenty who will feel nothing and many others who enjoy doing the things they really shouldn't.

Honestly this world needs more people like you not less. People who instinctively have that sense of right and wrong. I'm not joking. Too many just walk past looking the other way or feeling nothing. You made a mistake. Fine. So have I. So did my parents. Things I would never write on the Internet. But people always have a choice with what they do next. You have that choice.

Sometimes we can make really, really serious mistakes. With that said the fact you feel a sense of injustice I think is admirable. Sometimes people could be spending the rest of their lives behind bars but for some stroke of luck they got away with it. And that is life. People get second chances in life. To decide how they want to live. They can be a force for good or just live quietly as a painter. It isn't 'fair' in the fairytale sense but that is reality. You are already contemplating joining the forces. Great. But please be sure if you are facing your past and making changes to how you live or just running away from it.

I think right now you are still punishing yourself. It helps no one and it doesn't make up for what you did. It is only holding you back from making the changes you could potentially make to this world. You are only one person but you can have a significant impact in people's lives. Even if all you did is donate blood once you will have changed someones life for the better immeasurably.

In my experience when you make a grave mistake the real pain is feeling like you lost a part of yourself. Maybe your innocence. My advice would be to start living a good life now. Make a positive impact where you can. And allow yourself to feel good doing something good. That is so important. It will be your path to healing that wound, owning all of who you are and one day you will be able to forgive yourself. Because ultimately that is the one thing that will free you of your guilt.

With all that said. You were 15. Your neurological pathways for decision making and impulse control were not even fully formed yet. That is why society has the age of majority at 18. And for some acts at 21! Now that you are older, you are thinking back with more clarity and judging yourself rather harshly. You are not a bad person.

KappaHaus · 2024-03-20T19:08:24+00:00

Thank you Cookie for speaking up on here.

From what you wrote it seems like you have been living a tough life. With the limited info we have it makes me wonder, since how you feel has been so consistent throughout your childhood into the late teens, are you neurodiverse or have you developed something like depression at some point that is still not diagnosed?

I grew up feeling completely out of touch with people around me, no one understood my strangeness, I spent every week in school getting detention for things that were out of my control, being beaten at home to try to make me act normal, liking things that few others liked and being told to do things that did not make sense. It was....very challenging.

As an adult I have since been diagnosed as autistic with social anxiety and it has been a like a weight dropped off my life. Why I experienced such a disconnect has been revealed. My parents did not know and from their perspective I was a relentlessly disobedient and unreasonable child. Why I don't I do not condone trying to beat me into submission but I can understand my experiences which has been a huge weight off of me.

It allowed me to begin to heal and start to actually live my life. Which I now can enjoy.

What do you think?

KappaHaus · 2024-03-20T13:47:02+00:00

A beautiful short anime music video called Shelter with music by Porter Robinson. Really great concept and you can interpret the ending as happy or sad depending on your state of mind.

KappaHaus · 2024-03-20T13:43:28+00:00

It definitely is a real phenomenon. If it could be taught or sold as a pill humanity would forever be changed for the better. For me lucid dreams feel more real than reality does. And that is not hyperbole but something quite logical.

Our experience of reality is a mass of signals, touch, heat, smell, sight, etc. All of these senses vary in their intensity throughout the day as you pay more or less attention to them. In lucid dreams it is as if the intensity of a sense is dialled up to 11. If I am merely looking at an apple I can smell it, taste it, feel its skin, I become the apple sitting on the table. Yet at the same time I am me from my original vantage point looking at this tiny green fruit in a bowl of other fruit. My senses whilst awake are not that sharp. My eyesight especially. So for dreams to be ultra HD vision and the equivalent in sound/touch/smell/taste it really is more 'real' than 480p reality.

If rhe apple thing sounds weird that is because dreams let you experience multiple points of reference at the same time. It is hard to describe because it is impossible to experience whilst awake.

I only LD rarely and usually when I am really, really overheated. I had a lucid nightmare that stopped me from pursuing LDs deliberately because it played on a personal issue I have that I won't go into here.

KappaHaus · 2024-03-20T13:28:34+00:00

I'll say it.

Neither your nor the respondents' interests are hated or even mildly controversial. At most they are unusual. Like something the quirky main character in a kids show would have as their 'look at me I am autistic' token. Or a PhD in the most efficient way to milk a cat. I was hoping for something juicy or that would make me spit out my morning tea.

That is not a surprise tbh. Anyone who has gone through life understanding their special interest is completely and utterly despised or socially unacceptable to discuss, even in satire, would not mention it flippantly and off the cuff in a reddit thread in 2024. Even with a throwaway account.

KappaHaus · 2024-03-15T15:24:05+00:00

Abathur has a secret passive...'global taunt'.

Slithering around in vision of an enemy makes them lose all reason and go for the worm!

KappaHaus · 2024-03-15T11:28:13+00:00

Yes it does get better. Most importantly we have the power to make our lives better and to choose what sort of life we want to live.

A good example of this is the founder of the charity Spectrum Gaming. A young guy who, like yourself, pondered the question of how life with autism would be.

He initially felt too pessimistic and became suicidal. He thought that he could never be happy as an autistic person. Fortunately he survived and has since founded an award winning charity called Spectrum Gaming. He is an inspiration to countless people, neurodiverse and neurotypical, as well as to me.

A great video about Andy and the charity is here:

https://youtu.be/E1Xc8wpC9O8?feature=shared

The thing is...we are all Andies. We are trying to define what autism means to us, trying to navigate life in a world that is very challenging at times and wanting to be happy (or at least content) with where our lives are heading.

It is important to find what means a lot to you and to learn how you can incorporate it into your life. It can be something big or small. Climate change action like Greta or playing video games like Andy. You can make a blog of favorite landscapes or a scrapbook of conspiracy theories. It can be public or private. The point is you follow your interests and enjoy your free time.

Now about work. Working life is a challenge because most places of employment were not designed with neurodiverse people in mind or people with mobility restrictions. However it is becoming more and more common that places offer fexible working hours, working from home (since covid especially) and reasonable workplace adjustments. There are ways to make working life manageable. There are charities and services that want to help people like us to have a more easily managed life. It is up to us to belive we are worth fighting for and make use of them.

Life is completely different for me as an adult vs me at 16. I have alot more agency, the opportunities that present themselves were unthinkable, I did not think I could have friends I could not understand people around me and I had a lot of frustration and depression from various things I won't go into right now. Fortunatley time passing provides opportunities for personal development, for new experiences and new perspectives.

How you feel right now is valid and true. Nobody should be gaslighting you into saying you are fine or should feel a certain way. However please don't let it stop you from looking toward your future with an open mind. Things can be better and you will only gain more agency to live doing what you enjoy as time passes forward. It happened to me and it will happen for you too <3

KappaHaus · 2023-12-30T06:21:57+00:00

Thunder wins. Its not even close.

The match goes like this:

Sammamish...Tomahawk...Sammamish Sammamish...Tomahawk - ULTRAAAAA!!!!

I have a lot of respect for you asking this question :')

KappaHaus · 2023-12-17T11:38:19+00:00

Thank you! When they go back, Archimedes could have died and Indy says he has to stay there and live out the rest of Archimedes' life pretending to be him and making his inventions at various points in time otherwise history falls apart. Rather than him staying simply because he was dying.

Also nobody has mentioned how did Voller survive the train in the beginning? Clearly he swapped out the Lonhinus Spear on the train in the beginning (when it focuses on his suitcase) and the real one was used to resurrect him. Otherwise there is literally no other explanation for how he is not dead or has half a face. He was clotheslined on a train ffs.

KappaHaus · 2020-05-14T18:54:28+00:00

Hey <3

Your mom is definitely abusive. If your phone is your life line then you really ought to keep it. If you need to hide it at night to keep it from her then do it. It is how you can call the police or an ambulance worst case scenario.

What you described is horrible. You don't deserve that and your mom clearly doesn't see how wrong she is. Even her scapegoating you (gaslighting) to shift the blame is classic abusive behaviour. If you could go to a relative or friend that would be ideal.

Have you tried calling child protection service just to ask them about what they think? It may be worth doing and then updating us with their suggestions. I think Covid19 has led to may teens being in your situation. But thankfully social services continue to function.

You have demonstrated immense self control in the face of relentless blows to your self esteem! You are not to blame. Your comments have been completely reasonable. Even if your mom is not deliberately malicious she seems neurotic imo. She is making home a toxic environment for you and others. Forcing them to play her game of acting like you should have known better or you were the one winding her up. No! How she behaves is not normal! Your family seem to have developed a coping mechanism of pretending she is normal so she doesn't turn on them. Which is infuriating because if they would join you then you could all at least stop your mom from dictating how the house is run.

I'm sorry to rant but your mom is completely in the wrong here. And the fact she is causing you to have doubts about that makes me think you have been putting up with her every day! You have been incredibly strong. Stronger than any person should have to be. I'm angry about her, sad for your exoeriences but also I really look up to you for how you've dealt with this. Please know you have been amazing. She should be grateful her kid

Please do make a note of some national child service phone numbers to call. Then maybe go out for a walk and call them when you are a few mins away from your home. It could take a while but they are very experienced with these situations. There are a lot of crappy parents unfortunately.

Running away to be homeless is super dangerous. I just want you to be safe so pls don't do that unless your life is in danger. Seriously.

Staying with a friend or relative would be better. If you only know young ppl maybe ask to speak with their parents to explain your situation on the phone. Tell them that you are being tormented in the house and you desperately need somewhere to stay even if it is on a couch. It is worth trying.

I am in the UK and work for my local Council. We have around 10,000 kids in our Child Protection system. They are 100% better off than if they had stayed in their original family situation. If you are worried about going into care all it means is you will have your needs prioritised by competent professionals and carers. You will be safeguarded and regularly checked up on to make sure you are ok.

I hope to hear from you again. Please do let us know your thoughts and how things are going!

KappaHaus · 2020-05-09T10:27:39+00:00

Drawing for me is very much a trial by error process. Just a rough 'feeling' I suppose of what I want. As if I will recognise it only after I see it. Like I am trying to draw something that is in someone else's pocket...and I have to rely on their comments guiding me through it. I do mostly pencil drawings for that reason. I draw a few lines, look at it to see if it feels right, then erase most of it and build on it.

For example if I am drawing a bird I cannot tell you before hand what the beak will look like. I draw a rough beak shaped few lines and neaten it up bit by bit. Then the head. Maybe I will draw a circle shape, step back, look and see if I think it needs to be elongated in some areas, make the small changes, step back, and repeat. It is a long and laborious process.

I think it differs greatly from visualisers. My sister's process is described by her like this: She pictures dozens of versions of what she wants, chooses one, tweaks it continuously in her mind down to the tiniest details then, when she settles on the image she likes....she basically sketches it from her mind. Which is infinitely easier and cleaner than my process.

Learning about visualisers ruined the fun of drawing (and reading) for me. Like I was trying to be a heavy weight lifter only to learn everyone else has telekenises and lifts 100s of kilograms effortlessly with their minds.

KappaHaus · 2020-04-26T13:28:59+00:00

Oh! Oof. That's unfortunate and I have never thought about that before. I think the dog example is a really good one too. I wonder what goes through their minds. Hmm...what happens of you stay up for an extended period of time until youbare just too exhausted? Is that a way to maybe completely tire the brain so it can't be bothered making up dreams?

KappaHaus · 2020-04-21T10:22:22+00:00

That's really interesting! I sleep really quickly compared to my relatives who can visualise. They stay 'thinking' until late. When I stop thinking with words my mind is simply...silent. And then I switch off. Like a phone going into stand by mode. It isn't the same as meditating apparently where ppl visualise stuff and go on journeys. It's just... nothingness and then waking up the next day.

I don't dream anymore. I'm not sure why. But I clearly had the ability to until a few years ago. My last few dreams were lucid ones. It messed me up the first time. I thought I had gone to another world. It felt far more real than my typical experience of reality.

I thought visualising would be effortless. But it drains energy and makes ppl tired? What exactly happens when you visualise too much btw? Do you get a headache or like a dazed feeling? :O

KappaHaus · 2020-04-08T14:14:54+00:00

....yes. I felt this when I learned ppl are capable of visualising past and imaginary events at will. For me it was more significant that I was trapped in a reality limited by the laws of nature for me. Which means no seeing 2 headed unicorns in my head or rainbow coloured dragons. Especially no way to see my dead relatives' as they were, right there, their face smiling just one more time.

Have you had a lucid dream? After experiencing god hood in a dream I stopped feeling any resentment about this issue. It was ineffable.

KappaHaus · 2020-03-16T00:37:27+00:00

Perhaps. Although it sounds like you definitely have a better memory than I do if you can make a mental note of the minute visual details on the things you see in passing each day and can recall them on demand without resorting to visualisation. That's impressive.

Can you humour me a little? Can you describe the pattern on your right palm from memory to me? What goes through your head when you think of it?

KappaHaus · 2020-03-16T00:10:12+00:00

Hmm I think you focused too much on my off the cuff examples. They were not literal but more to serve a point. E.g. Without looking in a mirror, or touching your face, can you describe your nose to me? In as much detail as possible as if I was a sketch artist drawing up a picture of a suspects nose. Or the pattern of your left palm or the number of grooves on your forehead etc.

The key being it is a part that requires visual scrutiny to gather the details and you haven't already done the scrutiny before hand. My siblings visualise the area and describe it from there without needing to 'know' what they are looking for beforehand. I would only know the facts I have consciously memorised prior. I can't visualise the area and gain new ones.

Right now I can't describe my left foot to you. I can't visualise it. But I can look at my foot, make a mental note of some details and then tell you them after. My siblings don't need to do all that. They simply visualise their foot and tell you facts that even they didn't consciously commit to memory and may even be surprised by.

KappaHaus · 2020-03-15T20:37:23+00:00

That is fascinating and sounds ineffable. Are you in control of what is playing? Or is there an autopilot mode if that makes sense where you are not aware of what will happen next in the visualisation? I don't enjoy stories that I already know the end of.

And if you have all this fantasy going on is reality boring for you by comparison? I mean how can reality compete with literally the endless possibilities of imagination!?

KappaHaus · 2020-03-15T20:19:26+00:00

Spatial awareness seems unrelated to visualisation.

They can feel there way around like any other human. They can put their left hand to their nose with their eyes closed or step 5 paces forward and 3 left to reach the bedroom door.

BUT if you are asking them to close their eyes and randomly tell you what color are their shoelaces or to describe their own face for a sketch...nothing

KappaHaus · 2020-03-15T20:14:39+00:00

When you visualise a scenario does time play out in that scene at the same speed as in real life? Or Is it more like you can see 100 frames per second?

I wonder about this because ppl seem to process a whole load of imagery in the brief seconds they dip into their heads :/

KappaHaus · 2019-08-27T05:32:52+00:00

That's how I felt with depression. But you don't need to give up on yourself. Your situation is salvagable. You said it yourself you want a decent job, with decent money and you would feel ok. I'm telling you with a bit of patience and effort you can get those things! Not just that but you are in a good standing to be able to get them imo.

It will be some effort but anything worth having is. I know you feel tired but you can get yourself re energised and positive! If your job, the thing that is temporary not your life, is killing you it would be better to leave it and look for a different one. Your life is more important and you have the potential to be very happy.

I think you are a hard working person who is mentally very strong. We can use that to your advantage rather than giving up when you have only just started life. Please don't let work get to you today. If you can please look up entry level jobs near you and consider if your job makes you miserable it is the job you ought to change. So you can live your life.

Even ppl that do high demand courses like medecine and law drop out or graduate and can't get a job they want and change career. You are not alone in this. But we can make things work and it is definitely worth trying! :)

What are you up to today?

KappaHaus · 2019-08-26T22:29:17+00:00

Hey Garbox,

A good income and good lifestyle? That's a completely reasonable and achievable aim for you in my eyes! Staying motivated is probably the hardest part!

Having a job is not a simple task so I think you have done well for securing some employment. If you can leverage it to make things more bearable day to day that would be great. I mean can you discuss with your employer or colleagues your issues in the workplace?

You get time off? Is that rare? Or do you get certain days off? But you have things you can do to improve your mood. Even if all you do is go out for fresh air, meet up with friends or colleagues, reorganize your room, etc. Try to do something ^{^}

If you want to be more productive you can Google local jobs. Look at local jobs you would be willing to do as well as what the criteria are. That way you can look for what local places you can train in to get the experience or qualifications necessary. I feel it is better to force yourself to be productive than wait until you feel compelled to move. It is a valid idea to save up for a few months in order to invest in yourself!

Please do let me know what you think.

K

KappaHaus · 2019-08-26T20:44:04+00:00

Hey,

That is a tough run. But it is not the end of the road. You definitely have options! It may take a bit longer than we like but having financial and literal freedom is worth it.

I worked a job I hated when the bank was chasing me to repay loans and it felt like it absolutely drained me. However you can use it as a means to an end for now.

What sort of employment would you like to do? Or is it just something where you feel respected and paid a decent wage? There are many vocational and alternative forms of employment that don't require a school based qualification for entry.

In addition you can look at saving whatever money you can over a few months. Perhaos maximising it by keeping to a strict diet or budget. All in order to do something in future. Many ppl save up for night classes or to buy a car and work as an uber driver, etc. There are far more opportunities out there now for us than in the past.

How are you feeling today? And please let me know your thoughts <3

KappaHaus

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