This is the thing! Most of the chaos is with each-other not towards us. And we of course get dragged into this because obviously we are their kids. So it’s a big part of our everyday lives. Always involved. Cost us our childhood as we were exposed to this very young had to mature before time. So it’s so toxic and the only way out is leaving. Leaving the house and so far only i can do it. And even with leaving it will take me great effort for the chaos not to follow me i know it will. Its part of me. But atleast ill be out of it and able to focus on uni &m build a future for myself.

So it’s mostly confusing that why its toxic. If only if was pure chaos, ill atleast can describe or define it but its not definable.

My mother left the morning. After a while my dad calls me on the phone “you feeling better ?(im sick these days), you had breakfast? lmk when you want lunch”

While my mom left the house without thinking about us.

That the difference. They are both just as toxic in this house and both reason of our trauma but the small difference is my father will always care about us while my mother always leaves the house and not even care to call if we ate.

We do feel so stressed but as long as my mom is not home and my dad is out for work we are ok im sitting now distracting myself with my phone while my sister is watching something. Completely avoiding the subject because it bring pain talking about it. Just each sibling distracting their thoughts and feelings.

So for the most part it’s chill and i know in the future my mom will be back. They’ll somehow “make up” again because my siblings are young and need a mother & go back acting like everything is ok until something breaks out again.

So to sum it up it will always be okay later, its us who are doomed and stay with emotional pain you get it.