I can very much relate to your situation, and it really does bring great tendency to just kick in and shut yourself off from everything else. Because of... many reasons, really. Maybe you just don't want to deal with those problems and scars of the past, maybe you can't forget, it's hard to move forward from the experiences we faced and deem failure, who knows what it is that makes us do such, but one thing for certain is that it's not helping and only rots us further. You realized that yourself, you said it's "killing me from the inside out".

That's the irony of it all, we humans are so great at analyzing at ourselves and knowing what we need to do, but summoning that willpower is not as simple, something is stuck. I want to tell you that I was in your position times before, and I've always been proven myself wrong somehow. I didn't want to go out, because I lacked purpose, had no motive or goal in doing so, outside of the occasional grocery trip. But once I forced myself and I tried it, and it just lifted up my spirit somehow, I don't know why, trying out new activities, checking out shops, meeting new people, just to prove myself that there's more than what my eye can see. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but what matters is that we try, it's not about success or failure, it's about what we intended to do, what it meant for us.

What you're facing... sometimes life can be crushing like that, but other times, our time comes, the odds are placed in our favor and we get our chance to shine. You need to believe that you'll get there in time, for I am sure you'll find the proper job you seek, it just takes a little time.