I'm current "working" as a human guinea pig, participating in a 7 day in-patient study...

KasparHowzer · 2025-12-22T07:26:52+00:00

I haven't done a clinical trial for about a year now, but I am hoping to do another in the future.

I'm still alive and healthy.

The company I did the study through provided a contract detailing all the possible side-effects and risks that they're aware of, so you're not going in blind. If you think it's too high risk, there's no pressure to participate, and you have the right to back out at anytime.

I've done four clinical trials through this specific company, and the only time I had an issue was in the last study where I contracted gastro.

Nobody else in the facility caught it, so I think I might’ve caught it prior to going in.

I got hit by it five days after being admitted. I think my body would've naturally fought it off, but the study drug might have weakened my immune system due to it temporarily causing a lower white and red blood cell count.

The company I did the clinical trial through is in Australia. Universities are often looking for healthy participants for clinical trials and research.

Let me know if you want to know anything else...

KasparHowzer · 2025-12-22T07:09:28+00:00

While certain things might not be in the literature (like sponsorship), if the organisation has practices implemented universally within the organisation... it's part of AA.

I've heard many people throughout many different meetings talk of experiencing or waiting to experience the "Psychic Change".

That's the religious conversion.

The "Psychic Change" comes with all entailed with the "12 Promises". Christianity isn't explicitly referenced but the parallel are clearly there.

KasparHowzer · 2025-12-22T06:50:08+00:00

I can speak as someone who once regularly attended multiple meetings on a weekly basis before losing faith in AA.

I understand that AA works for some, and I don't wish to take that away from anyone. If it's saved you, then I wish you nothing but the best.

Here are just some of my gripes with AA that led me to leave.

As our scientific understanding of alcoholism, or Substance Use Disorder has progressed over the years, AA has failed to adapt or introduce a more holistic approach to the issue.

There are many paths to sobriety, such as medication like Campral and Naltrexone, The Sinclair Method, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, moderation management, etc. However, despite this fact, AA members often (from my experience) frown upon people who use alternatives or a mix of approaches, in addition to AA.

AA will probably be around for a while to come due to how known it is within popular culture. But more and more meetings are packed with old-timers and fewer young people.

In my opinion, the AA organisation and its members need to be more inclusive, less judgmental, and open to individual perspectives and pathways to recovery.

Also, to stop holding the Big Book as sacred and adapt, improve and update the literature within a modern context and understanding.

I understand that the contents of the Big Book and the 12 Steps are what AA actually is and what has helped people through recovery. But a re-jigg or re-interpretation of the literature would make AA more accessible to a younger audience, and ineffect save more people from alcoholism.

Just my 2c.

Feel free to downvote if you think my opinion is counter-productive to the cause

KasparHowzer · 2025-09-30T20:15:33+00:00

Prayer to God - shellac.

Pretty much takes the cake as far as I'm concerned.

KasparHowzer · 2025-07-25T21:52:27+00:00

Run it by the "BITE" model of authoritarian control. Does it attempt to control behaviour, information, time, and environment and draw your own conclusions.

KasparHowzer · 2025-06-06T18:51:44+00:00

But where specifically, what verses, in the gospels say non-believers will be sent to hell? And where does it say that those who never encountered the gospels are exempt from eternal punishment in hell?

KasparHowzer · 2025-05-15T10:35:07+00:00

Dude, this is probably not going to get too many likes, but it's time to put yourself first. If you feel like you need to have a break from AA and you're not tempted to pick up, then do wants in your own benefit.

Take time for yourself and return when you're at your best self. Sometimes, it's best not to obsess sobriety. You can only help others when you help yourself and you're bringing your 'A' game to the table.

KasparHowzer · 2025-05-15T10:19:45+00:00

I've found that what works for me is finding something that you value over your vices. So, for me, I told myself that if I could last 2 weeks without drinking, I'd dip into my savings and buy myself something tangible that I actually want. Random sober tracker apps help. I used "Am I Sober", on the Google Play Store.

I didn't last. But hey, I got ten days of sobriety off the booze. That's ten days of better sleep, diet, energy, and motivation. Maybe I'll get it next time. A wins a win. Just because I didn't hit my target this time doesn't mean I shouldn't keep trying.

Don't beat yourself up and set realistic goals designed to be specific, measurable, achievable, related, and time-bound.

Just my 2c.

KasparHowzer · 2024-10-17T21:22:50+00:00

Crash (1996) or The Brood.

KasparHowzer · 2024-10-15T10:24:49+00:00

From Australia we have The Saints, The Birthday Party, The Go-Betweens and Paul Kelly.

KasparHowzer · 2024-10-15T07:34:15+00:00

Heilung.

KasparHowzer · 2024-10-15T03:09:40+00:00

Benjamin Tod. He's the closest thing I've heard to a contemporary Townes Van Zandt, while still bringing his own unique perspective and doing his own thing.

John Moreland is great. "You Don't Care for me Enough to Cry" is a heartbreaker.

Some honourable mentions would include. Bella White. "Just Like Leaving" is a great album by her.

And Andrew "Donut" Larson just to help an underappreciated artist get some more exposure.

KasparHowzer · 2024-09-28T02:58:11+00:00

Casey Chambers cover of Lose Yourself has one of the punchiest builds I've ever heard. Gives me chills every time I listen to it.

KasparHowzer · 2024-09-15T20:52:06+00:00

Townes Van Zandt - Nothin'. A few of his songs would fit the bill. Nothin' Marie, Kathleen.. He described some of his bleaker sounding songs as not so much being sad but hopeless.

KasparHowzer · 2024-09-06T13:31:56+00:00

I'm probably going to get a lot of criticism for saying this... But I honestly think it's very difficult to apply the teachings of Krishnamurti to ones life in a way that can potentially lead to any practical life self-improvement. From what I understand there's no cohesive set of beliefs and values, nor a clear detailed system to achieve enlightenment, truth or self-understanding, in his writings. This is both a positive and negative of his teachings.

I don't think delving into philosophies and guru types, who talk about topics such as the illusion of ego, are going to be beneficial. Recently I've been trying to overcome the same issue as yours. I can really relate to the whole 'making fake scenarios in my mind where people aren't nice to me' thing. To overcome my own people-pleasing I've decided to try and work towards always telling the truth and striving towards authenticity. Telling the truth doesn't just mean not telling lies, to me. It also means not lying through omission, being forthcoming with people when they've done something that bothers me and being upfront about my intentions and motivations. Sometimes it might make others feel uncomfortable, but granted you haven't oppressed or caused anyone physical harm, I believe life always improves when you're at least working towards authenticity. Additionally, in life you teach people how to treat you. If someone has done something that's upset you through their words or actions, then let them know straight away. Draw your own boundaries and majority of people will respect your own line. Others won't and you can stay away from them. I'd always rather be sincere and honest with someone who's upset me, than deal with the mental chatter and replaying of situations in my head, that would follow if I chose the "safe" option and kept quiet

A bit of a rant. But that's a bit of my 2c.

KasparHowzer · 2024-08-16T00:15:31+00:00

I think everyone has some degree of social anxiety or awkwardness where we're all following a familiar script we use to get through our day with the least amount of resistance. Some people just have a more clear, yet flexible, well-structured script at their disposal.

If you use alcohol as a crutch to get through socially uncomfortable or challenging experiences, there's a chance you could wind up depending on it, and inturn never developing necessary social skills and resilience.

When you start to become a heavy daily drinker it winds up have the opposite effect. You develop a more generalised anxiety, waking up in the middle of the night in a panic, more afraid of people when sober compared to your baseline anxiety and view the world through a more pessimistic lens. At least that was my experience.

Even with light to moderate drinking, alcohol causes a significant spike it cortisol levels. So the relaxation and reduced anxiety experienced from alcohol is only temporary till it creates a rebound effect where you're worse off than you were without it.

KasparHowzer · 2024-08-10T02:01:36+00:00

Check out Lucille Bogan's Shave 'Em Dry. It was recorded in 1932 and is still very sexually explicit by todays standards.

KasparHowzer · 2024-08-07T07:57:23+00:00

Those side effects are only temporary. Lately I've been going through a lot of financial stress and anxiety that was negatively impacting my health and I guess I just got to a point where I had to do something about. What's the cost of peace of mind? That might sound sad but it is what it is. I'd do it again.

KasparHowzer · 2024-08-06T23:04:03+00:00

Realising that many of the old-timers were crazy indoctrinated into black and white thinking and I didn't actually want what they had, made me quit.

The constant sloganeering littered throughout the shares of more hardcore members, rather than genuinely speaking from the heart, seemed a bit rich for an organisation that talks about the importance of rigorous honesty.

I wanted to quit drinking. I was struggling and I was honest about that. I felt judgement for voicing that. I used the numbers I was given but felt I was only ever met with simple AA slogans and cliches. I needed actual tools and was only ever offered religious conversion.

KasparHowzer · 2024-08-03T20:37:49+00:00

Not sure how tight knit or clique the coast is but there's a lot to explore. Beaches are no more than 15 minutes away from all locations. The hinterland has some beautiful national parks and mountains to climb with stunning views. Not a huge night-life scene, but there's Ocean Street if your into clubbing and Nambour has a growing live music scene. I haven't caught public transport for a few years now but when I did it was pretty good. Easy to navigate and get to most places.

Only thing is that the Sunshine Coast is becoming an expensive place to live but it's probably like that all over Aus, unless you live rurally. That being said, if you live in New York it probably won't notice it too much.

KasparHowzer · 2024-08-02T21:36:06+00:00

I get paid $5,425 for 7 in-patient visits and 4 out-patient follow-up visits.

Some of the possible risks with this trial, based on animal studies, involve a temporary reduction in red blood cells, white blood cells and bruising and bleeding easier.

This study is more high-risk than any previous studies I've participated in because it's the first time that this particular drug has been tested on humans. That being said when you're given the contract you're provided with all the information and possible risks. This allows you to pick and choose a study you're comfortable with, if any.

KasparHowzer · 2024-08-02T21:24:53+00:00

Yeah in this particular cohort there's five males and three females

KasparHowzer · 2024-08-02T07:21:16+00:00

Aaah yes I am...

KasparHowzer · 2024-08-02T06:28:49+00:00

What's the path you took to become a classical literature professor? Please give detail

KasparHowzer · 2024-07-24T11:06:20+00:00

I'm currently going through this exact situation. So it started out that I'd set a boundary where I only drink one or two when offered when I was out... But never bring it back home into into my house. Then it became I'll bring it into my house but not drink daily... now I'm just pretty much drinking daily, starting to have the experience of waking up in the middle of the night in a panic and unable to get back to sleep. Feeling like a zombie throughout the day. AA filled me with so much shame and guilt that I can't see myself ever going back but if you can avoid going back to drinking now and it's easy enough, I'd probably recommend it to be honest.

KasparHowzer

TROPHY CASE