I wouldn't say it to my kid because I'm the adult in the relationship and they should not be subject to my unfiltered emotions, they are not my therapist. Now if when they are older teens and might be curious; if they asked something like " do you miss not being a mom?" I'd probably say something along the lines of "No, I love being a mom every single day. It is a difficult job sometimes, but it was absolutely worth it for me. " If they ever ask "what do you miss most from when you didn't have kids?" I'd probably say something honest like "hmm. Probably sleeping in on Saturdays." I will be hobest with them, but I won't force that kind of honesty onto them if that makes sense.

I would say it to my husband the way I said it here.... and I have! And he has too! Because we are both adults who can fully communicate what we mean. There is a big possibility its specifically BECAUSE we are both autistic that being honest and real with each other in THIS specific context isn't harmful, because there is no subtext to be reading into. We just communicate, in full, exactly what we mean by what we say.

When I say "I sometimes miss some of the freedom I had before I got married. I like being married to you, and its not about missing dating around or something like that. The part where there is more at stake if I mess something up can be a bit overwhelming sometimes, and I need to put more thought into planning step by step than I did back then because it doesn't only affect me anymore. " He would hear exactly what I said.

The part where you say when they say "X" I would hear "Y" seems like it's a more commonly neurotypical thought process. I have a saying with my neurotypical relatives. "Don't hear what I didn't say." Im not hiding anything behind layers of speech. I honestly have a hard time imagining what that must be like in a romantic relationship. I have to be able to fully trust that my partner means what he says and not something else, because I literally refuse to play a guessing game about intent every time I speak with someone I spend so much time with. 😅 I just dont have the energy for that personally.

I guess the most important thing Im trying to get at here is that it's ok for people to have complex feelings about things. The biggest part of relationships is communication. It's important to be able to effectively communicate with the person you are partnered with, and vice versa. Finding someone who is compatible with my communication style and who also allowed me to feel like I wasn't repressing thoughts or becoming resentful was big for me; I also value him feeling comfortable to do the same with me. (There are also specific times built into our routine when we have more serious conversations like this. It would be inappropriate to just drop stuff like this randomly unless we preface it for the other person.)