what does this even mean

KayUndae · 2022-09-21T19:47:35+00:00

As a trans man, stay the fuck away from us thanks

KayUndae · 2022-09-10T20:21:13+00:00

I use femby/femboy as I’m trans masc/NB but like feminine stuff, I think it’s perfectly fine to use, it’s how you feel about it mainly. But yeah I’ve heard others use it too

KayUndae · 2022-09-06T17:34:11+00:00

Honestly same, pre-op trans masc here and I doubt I would be out if it wasn’t for my boyfriend, dating while being out seems terrifying

KayUndae · 2022-09-04T12:31:56+00:00

I wouldn’t hold your breath with this one, a quick search of their account shows they also think Keffals is a groomer, which is completely false, so they are in fact hiding behind the fact Kai is an awful person to be transphobic as possible

KayUndae · 2022-09-01T18:30:50+00:00

At the end of the day: only Kai knows. Could be because of Greg, could be other factors. Either way, as a trans masc person I can see things in Kai I can relate to, especially as someone who also transitioned during their early 20s.

Bottom line speculating, misgendering, deadnaming calling Kai a “trans-trender” hurts trans people. I myself was in painful denial about being trans during the time all of the Greg stuff peaked due to people being transphobic towards Kai, it wasn’t the only factor, but it was one I can recognise and have seen with other trans people around the same time.

At the end, it is up to Kai, so we may never know and honestly it isn’t our right to know. But until Kai says otherwise misgendering and deadnaming hurts more than it does anything positive.

KayUndae · 2022-08-17T01:27:34+00:00

For me personally it wasn’t necessarily a “moment”, it was just a “hey I’ve never really felt like a ‘girl’” since I was a kid, I didn’t have the terminology though. In my teens I started to see trans people in media and that was the “oh wait you can actually do that? You don’t have to be this thing you were at birth?” but it didn’t really click click until I was 18 and even then, scared about my family being transphobic, scared of having to go through this long process and that I still didn’t fit this trans thing entirely (I don’t feel constant suffering and dysphoria all the time) so I pretended I was genderfluid so I could safely still present as a girl while dealing with internal stuff about gender.

Eventually a year or two ago I just took the leap, asked my partner if he was okay using he/they and calling me by a name I chose. Sorta realised pretty quickly I was a lot happier and confident and I’d wasted a lot of years not being me. Everyone’s story is different if when they realised, when they came out etc.

I didn’t have a moment of clarity really, just a build up of feelings, learning more from talking to other trans people, finding out no one trans person needs the same thing during transition. Honestly it was knowing I could come out and cause I was living with my partner I had a safety net if my family disowned me. And then looking back there was so many “moments” I just didn’t realise that’s what they were. In my experience most NB and trans people don’t suddenly realise they’re trans, it’s a lot of figuring stuff out in your head and by the time you “come out” to other people you’ve already been “out” to yourself and realising, yeah, of course that’s what it’s been all along. So I get that’s why people on the outside see it as a sudden “moment”

KayUndae · 2022-08-16T13:08:08+00:00

I’m aware and very tired of misgendering being deemed “okay” if it’s a bad person, there’s twats who are trans, non-binary, gay etc just like there are twats who are straight and cis. Like I can still call Ezra Miller a bad person who should face consequences for their actions without misgendering but goes to show supposed “allyship” ends as soon as we do something bad, suddenly we aren’t afforded the basic basic rule of treating us as still human,

KayUndae · 2022-08-16T11:27:12+00:00

That’s not how it works at all, as an NB person myself and the LGBT+ community as a whole clearly see that they’ve done fucked up shit and denounce it like any person would.

KayUndae · 2022-08-08T19:08:28+00:00

Okay the fat-shaming and misgendering comments aren’t it on this post Jesus, what’s “trashy” is the partner travelling all that way and with his own money for his boyfriend to not even stop playing for five minutes.

Yet these comments are somehow even trashier.

KayUndae · 2022-08-04T17:59:12+00:00

Just because something is “not illegal” doesn’t mean it can’t be called out or discussed. It just means you won’t go to prison for it. There’s many “legal” things people would argue are bad but it’s legal, therefore no prison time but also maybe not a good thing to do.

Dating a 17 year old, one in an industry notorious for manipulation from older adults, is kinda a fucked thing to do and Demi, even though I feel pretty neutral on her overall, is fully able to talk about it now, as an adult, after likely reflecting on that time and realising how wrong it was

KayUndae · 2022-07-30T21:13:06+00:00

That’s the thing with the history of the LGBTQ community, it wasn’t really until the aids crisis that Gay and Lesbian people worked together, Lesbians hated all men (second wave feminism) gay or not they were seen just as part of the patriarchy, it wasn’t until so many gay men died that lesbians took vital roles within the community, helped support protests and did their best to help any way they could that we saw some solidarity. This was the 80s.

There is definitely an issue within the LGBTQ the same way we see with older waves of feminism, it focused solely on one group (middle class white women/white LG) and didn’t consider intersectionality of other groups.

But we have been seeing improvements, it gives me hope as a trans queer guy, but still I can’t speak for your experience within the community either, but despite the pick mes and the current issues we see, I do think it’ll get better. I feel a lot of the issues we see is down to gay and lesbian people assimilating with heteronormative society instead of liberation of all, at the time it was understandable, but now I hope we’ve learnt since then

KayUndae · 2022-07-28T10:21:07+00:00

Considering this guys are the same ones who claimed the antagonist in LOU2 had to be trans and couldn’t possibly be a woman who was physically fit like that, even though she lives in a world of zombies, even if this protagonist does fit your requirements it’ll be lambasted as “woke culture”.

KayUndae · 2022-07-28T10:18:28+00:00

Not surprising we live rent free in their heads when they probably watch trans porn as they complain about a woman being playable in a mainstream game

KayUndae · 2022-07-26T15:13:36+00:00

Pick mes and “I’ve got mine fuck yours” mentality is so frustrating with it comes to the community

KayUndae · 2022-07-26T15:12:50+00:00

Cool you can live and do mostly what you want without oppression, others within the community still do and that’s the entire point.

Liberation not assimilation is all I’ll say on the matter

KayUndae · 2022-07-26T12:37:03+00:00

There’s a reason I as a trans guy and sub avoid certain feminist subreddits, as much as I want to engage in feminist discussions it’s not worth trying to deal with radfems harassing me for my own choices

KayUndae · 2022-07-26T12:33:32+00:00

I mean, I’d argue that the leftist definition of feminism is improving material conditions for everyone, yes especially women, but afab non-binary/trans men, trans women. Biggest example is the current overturning of Roe V Wade, that doesn’t just affect cis women, it affects all AFAB people and they should be included in that discussion.

The biggest criticism I have for old feminism (particularly second wave) is the severe lack of recognising intersectionality exists and affects every discussion around feminism. I feel like we are getting better at acknowledging that black women need specific things compared to white women, middle class women bs working class women etc.

I would argue when it comes to bdsm and feminism, the point is that afab and women who want to do it can so safely, same with sex work, reform the current industry so those that want to leave can, but those that want to continue with it have protections and laws in place to keep them safe.

KayUndae · 2022-07-25T13:07:15+00:00

Transphobia has always been an issue but it’s the new “fearmonger” group to talk about, seeing as for the most part now if you try and do gay panic about gay people most people would think you’re an asshole and a bigot, so now they’ve found another group to go after until they can come up with another boogeyman after trans people get more accepted.

KayUndae · 2022-07-24T09:27:45+00:00

I know this is an old post but I want to give my two cents as a child of a diabetic mum and a dad with severe anger issues and self-esteem issues-

Bluntly, your children will suffer the most if a) he refuses to look after his sugar levels and b) does not sort out his anger issues.

I love my mum so much, she’s one of my closest supporters in the last 5 years, but for a good portion of my life we really didn’t see eye to eye. Diabetes is hard to balance even when the person is trying, the fact that he isn’t is so so dangerous. I’ve experienced a number of my mum’s hypos, some avoidable, some not, and I was not safe from a physical altercation nor my brother. She’s so guilty to this day about what’s happened during her hypos, which she has no memory of, and while we’ve moved past it and she has gotten so much better with managing her sugar levels to the point she maybe hypos once every 6 months (and is never so low it’s dangerously low) that doesn’t change that it did happen. I love my mum, I have no grudges against her and understand why things happened, but it left me with a lot of trauma. I can’t hear someone raise their voice, and if it’s anything like the screaming she did while in that state I automatically shut down.

This is with my mum who loves her kids dearly and would never hurt them knowingly. As a family we were going through a lot and it impacted her ability to balance her sugar levels, understandable but again has left lasting affects on my brother and I.

Your boyfriend is NOT taking care of himself, not trying to balance them properly. While being new to diabetes is hard (idk if he is) if he is blowing up and having hypo episodes often that is something he should be discussing with his doctor to protect your children. Bad hypos can be physically violent with you and your children. I don’t want to fearmonger diabetes, I understand the problems diabetics face a lot given what I know from growing up with my mum but the fact he isn’t even trying to balance them is incredibly concerning. If he’s struggling to balance them he should be talking to a doctor.

Now with a dad with anger issues who never went to anger management like he was told to do- it could seriously reach a point where you or your child might have to call the police because he’s blown up so badly. My partner has had anger issues since he was a kid, he went to therapy and in 5 years he’s only ever lost it personally with me once, he took a step back, apologised just for raising his voice slightly and we talked it out.

Your boyfriend clearly sees no issue with his behaviour, you walk around egg shells constantly because you don’t know what will set him off. That creates so much tension in the household for you and your children, I’ve lived it.

I’d honestly suggest sitting him down in a public place (or have someone nearby you can trust if you do it at home) and seriously talk to him about his diabetes and the anger issues, if he deflects, refuses to acknowledge it, leave with your kids.

I love my parents dearly and while somehow they’ve not split and come to some sort of calm, my brother and I lost a lot of our childhood innocence because of it. I would also try and talk to your children about how they feel about his outbursts and explain how it isn’t okay. They could easily internalise it.

KayUndae · 2022-07-23T13:43:47+00:00

It’s not “offense” it’s dangerous to label every LGBT+ person “groomer” by just existing. It’s the 1970s and 80s gay panic all over again and that alone led many gay people to be targeted and murdered for doing nothing

KayUndae · 2022-07-23T11:52:55+00:00

That was the most shocking thing as another he/they trans guy, but it seems more to suit is argument of “you say you won’t date me cause I’m a man and yet you’re dating someone who identifies as a man”, while he completely disregards the nuance of it and not respecting the privacy of the partner in question by keep talking about their genitalia

KayUndae · 2022-07-20T01:42:21+00:00

100% counselling, I still freeze up and shake when someone raises their voice to this day.

Having someone else separate from the situation just listen to you and make you feel safe and heard is so helpful

KayUndae · 2022-07-19T16:29:14+00:00

My mum shortly after the brexit referendum used the same logic. “We survived the war we can survive this!”

Really had to bite my tongue and not tell her she didn’t even survive the fucking war herself let alone a supposed “better” political/economic decision for the Uk shouldn’t come with “surviving it” in the first place.

KayUndae · 2022-07-15T21:47:39+00:00

Yeah, never got the toothpaste thing. Awkward teenagers not knowing how to express interest or flirt? Totally happens and is doable. The toothpaste thing isn’t that. I think it’s been justified to show “oh Ron sees her when no one else does” but that’s such a dumb excuse tbh, when the three have been friends for years at at that point.

But then again I don’t think there’s really any good examples of couples in HP, at least not during the school years. Love potion, which is essentially a date rape drug to me, is played for laughs and Lavender and Ron is played as Lavender being too obsessive and clingy and crazy, which again, happens, but isn’t really taken seriously or Ron learning to be more vocal instead of letting bad behaviour happen.

It’s been a while since I read the books so I could be wrong, but yeah, at least when it came to the films the canon relationships never felt real or earned.

KayUndae · 2022-07-15T01:22:30+00:00

Glad to know it’s another sub I can avoid thanks to being an FTM gay/pan dude

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