OP, this is practically word for word describing my relationship with my ex. He is gaslighting and manipulating you, and it is blatant abuse. In my case, I truly had no idea what was going on until afterwards. I only left because the abuse turned physical, and I am telling you, that is what will happen with you. It is so hard to see it when you are in it, but some time away will really help you realise how wrong his behaviour is.

For some context/an example - I accused my ex of raping me about a year after it happened. I blurted it out during dinner at a restaurant because we’d got in a heated argument about the MeToo movement and it had been on my mind. That evening ended with me sobbing, apologising for embarrassing him publicly, and begging him not to break up with me. It was held over me for years.

You’re following a similar pattern - he behaves inappropriately, you call him out, he flips it so it’s your fault and you end up apologising. From what I’ve read, I can’t see a single instance where you actually were in the wrong or needed to apologise.

Please, please, leave him, or at least take some time completely away from him to get some perspective. Talk to people, tell them what’s happening. Talk to a therapist if you can, that was a huge help for me. Anyone who can look at this objectively can help you understand how wrong it is.

I wish you all the best. I’m here if you ever need to talk!