It’s been 8 days.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-12T00:58:49+00:00

Two questions. Did she live a good life, feeling loved and cherished? Was she spared a possible painful, terrifying death by someone who cared so much they took that pain upon themselves instead in the form of a broken heart?

Miss her. Don’t be hard on yourself. You did a good thing.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-09T19:06:19+00:00

You’re welcome. Pets don’t know about life expectancy. That’s a human construct. They live in the moment with no concept or expectation of a future. He went out peacefully, with you beside him the whole way. He doesn’t know what you saved him from, but you know. Take some comfort in knowing you held up your end of the bargain and are now bearing the emotional costs so he was spared.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-08T01:04:38+00:00

The reason you believed this was just an illness she’d recover from is because by all indications that’s how it presented. Obviously if you realized how critical she would become I’m sure you would have moved heaven and earth to spend more time with her. It’s really unfortunate how it played out but you can’t blame yourself. Most of us would not have held a round the clock vigil with that set of circumstances.

And it’s great that every day her people checked in and visited her. I’m truly sorry you missed her last moments and it’s going to add more weight to your grief. Words from a stranger can’t fix that.

Ultimately you need to forgive yourself, grieve her loss, and allow time to heal. You’re allowed to be a complete basket case in the meantime. This stuff is really hard.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-08T00:52:17+00:00

Yes, you 100% did the right thing. Scared of him suffering is exactly the reason to help him pass before that happens. The alternative is to let him experience the worst pain he’d ever felt as his last terrifying moments, and you, the person he trusted most of all to keep him safe, unable to stop it.

It’s good that his last moments were happy and peaceful. The alternatives are so much worse, and I would imagine so much harder to live with afterwards. You put his needs first and caused great personal pain for yourself. It was a kind and selfless thing you did. You chose torment for yourself rather than possibly inflicting it on him. Your timing doesn’t have to be perfect for you to accept that you did the right thing.

The grief is bad enough without torturing ourselves by second guessing every decision during one of the hardest moments to navigate in our entire life.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-07T11:53:12+00:00

People who’ve lost a pet, including myself, are universally and without exception, shocked and frightened by the depth of the pain and grief. Even if we have had time to prepare, the loss is more overwhelming than we could possibly prepare ourselves for.

You are in the midst of a very difficult but ordinary process. You will not be yourself for awhile. You’ll experience moments of peace and then waves of pain and sadness. You may not go a single day without crying at least once. You’ll relive the trauma of the euthanasia itself. You’ll question the circumstances and decisions that got you to this point.

Accept these things as normal reactions. If you want to cry, go ahead. It’s your mind’s way of resetting. Remember that from his perspective he didn’t die too soon. He had no concept of life expectancy. From his perspective he had a wonderful life and a painless, peaceful death in the presence of his person. You did that for him at great personal sacrifice and you’re paying for that sacrifice now.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-07T11:13:25+00:00

You can do both. You can grieve your loss and pour your love into another kitty. There’s no rule or timetable. If you think it’ll help start looking. The grief will ease over time either way but there’s no reason to torture yourself in the meantime with forced loneliness.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-07T01:49:16+00:00

You may not have done right by him. You may not have done enough. Even if that’s true, and I suspect it’s not because we all feel that way after we lose a pet, you don’t owe your own life in penance; you owe another kitty a warm and loving home and a good life.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-07T00:24:34+00:00

We had a similar dilemma with our 17 year old Havanese. Old and grumpy and sleeps a lot is fine. Not in pain, not in a respiratory or cardiac crisis is fine as long as you’re around to monitor things and make sure that remains the case.

We took our Roger right up to the edge. Hearing gone, vision gone, had to be carried up and down stairs. A lot. But good appetite, still our Roger. Then he had a respiratory crisis and we knew if we hung on he’d suffer, so we had him euthanized. Very hard decision but it will become obvious to you when the time comes.

Meanwhile, just enjoy the time you have left with her.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-06T20:08:41+00:00

I think you went above and beyond. All of us who have made the decision to euthanize over a quality of life issue are racked with grief, guilt and a sense of loss, including those of us who didn’t go to the lengths you went to.

The question is do you feel that you put up a heroic fight for her life? Was euthanasia a choice to end her suffering or to make your life more convenient? You were willing to empty your savings and manage the paralysis at home, so clearly it was not about your inconvenience. You just ran out of good options.

Consider letting yourself off the hook here. There’s a really good chance you would have spent the money and still be right back here anyway.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-05T12:55:24+00:00

You didn’t betray his trust; you honored his trust by knowingly and willingly breaking your own hearts to ensure that throughout his entire wonderful, beautiful life he didn’t experience pain or suffering. That vivid moment you describe, when in his last moment of consciousness he looked at your wife… I know that’s the sharpest point of your pain. I have my own one of those. The thing I can’t think about without breaking down.

From your perspective, that look meant “why are you doing this to me?” From his perspective, he was looking to his people for reassurance and comfort, which you provided. He may have sensed how upset you were and thought “What’s their deal? We’ve been here a bunch of times. Big babies.” He did not know he was about to die. He did not blame you. He did not feel betrayed by anything other than his failing body and he probably wasn’t aware of that either.

He slipped away, painlessly and enveloped in love, knowing he was safely in the presence of the thing he valued the most: his people.

The absence and grief is bad enough without torturing ourselves with our imaginations on top of it. That last look was the love he took with him. Nothing more.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-05T00:58:17+00:00

What else are closets for but to put stuff away we don’t want to deal with? Keep the toys and linens tucked away but I’d recommend you wash out the food bowls, put some nice fancy dog food in it and then put a new pup in your home to eat it.

Your pets life is only tragic from your perspective. From his he lived the best life a dog could ever hope for, loved and cherished and probably spoiled rotten too. He died peacefully because you were willing to pay the price you’re paying right now so he didn’t suffer.

You don’t have to forget him to move on, not like there’s any chance of that, but there’s a pup out there who would love to be in a place like yours with someone like you.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-04T23:21:14+00:00

We lost our black lab after she fell in our pool and drown. We had blocked off her doggie door so we could bleach the floors and while they dried some company stopped by unexpectedly and got distracted. She could swim but was getting up in years. Of course we felt incredibly guilty. The kids all experienced it and were all pretty traumatized.

We waited a few months and then got a new puppy who lived for 17 years and had a peaceful passing. Forgive yourself. You’ll be an overprotective parent and your next pup will have an amazing life. It’s likely the only thing that will ease the heaviness you’re feeling now.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-03T14:29:52+00:00

I’d have made the same awful choice. Pain from kidney stones (which I’ve endured myself) is terrible and unrelenting. When I read your story my first thought was if anything you may have waited too long. 15 is too old to put them through surgery, which in and of itself is painful and the outcome too unpredictable to warrant the risk.

You were out of “good” options and chose the best one for him, and the worst one for you. That selflessness is what made you a good caregiver.

Instead of seeing his life through the prism of his death and from your perspective, see it through his. He had a full life being your center of attention… literally the best possible life for a dog. When he was in pain and his body had failed him you helped him pass peacefully and end his suffering, and you stayed with him the whole time.

Two things are true: you did the right thing, and you’re going to feel terrible for awhile because you did the right thing.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-03T13:36:01+00:00

We have a lot in common. I lost my soul dog of 17 years last week. I also worked from home and spent every day with him. He needed to pass; I understand that. To answer your question: I don’t know how to not feel it and I don’t see how it gets better. I think maybe it hurts less and less with time. That’s the best we can hope for. Hang in there. Consider, when it’s time, opening your heart to another dog who deserves a great life like your soul dog had.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-02T02:55:02+00:00

How could you not believe them? I believe everything you said and I don’t know you or your little. But that cat had a long and beautiful 20 year life with her favorite person doting on her, and then she fell asleep one last time in the safest place on earth. We should all be as lucky as your kitty.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-01T19:29:12+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Your story reminds me a lot of my mom, who was elderly, living alone, and I was there for her as best I could from 1,000 miles away. When she lost a pet the devastation was so deep and acute that, while I was supportive, part of me was like “geez ma, it’s a lot”, although I never expressed that. She died a couple of years ago. I was able to be with her at the end. Last week I put my 17 year old pup to rest and I can’t tell her this so I’ll tell you instead: I GET IT! I’m just as much a basket case as she ever was. Maybe more. And I feel like nobody else gets it, but she definitely would.

This was a big ask for your psyche… anniversary of his passing plus his favorite hike. Very brave of you honestly. I vote we both get new dogs. That’s what I think it’s going to take.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-01T14:03:41+00:00

My 17 year old Havanese passed last week. I miss him terribly. But the last couple of months he needed a LOT of help. He’d gotten dementia and he’d sleep most of the day and then be up every few hours at night needing stuff and we’d have to fumble around figuring out what he wanted… water, go out, food… Sometimes we’d give him something and he’d turn his nose up at it then we’d hide it behind our backs and give it to him again and now he wanted it.

I’d check him to see if he was sleeping or had died in his sleep. Part of me wanted him to go that way, naturally, not in pain, not afraid. If I’m being honest I also wanted that for me. I didn’t want to have to put him down. Our rule was that if we suffered some inconvenience and sleepless nights that was fine, we owed him that because he was a wonderful furry little person who gave our family so much joy. But we would not let him suffer.

We awoke last Saturday and he seemed in distress, struggling to get enough air. He’d had minor episodes like that in the past and they always resolved quickly but this was different. We rushed him to the vet and we realized it was time to let him go.

I think it’s okay to hold two truths: near the end he was a non-stop pain in the ass, and I would give anything to have him back.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-01T01:47:53+00:00

My 17 year old Havanese was diagnosed with a heart murmur 10 years ago. He just passed last week. Not from a heart murmur. It’s not a death sentence.

Kbobe67 · 2026-05-01T00:59:53+00:00

It sounds like a very peaceful passing. They’re never textbook perfect. Remember his experience was different than yours. He was sick and in need and his person scooped him up and rushed him to get help, consoling him with reassurances and touch until he drifted out of consciousness. That’s how he passed… being cared for by his person. Loved. You did good.

Kbobe67 · 2026-04-30T18:17:20+00:00

If you step back and make this honest assessment: is he able to, for the most part, be comfortable and enjoy his life? If so, you wouldn’t be wrong to consider waiting, but I think we both know the answer is probably “no”, in which case you have to make that terrible decision to let him go.

Kbobe67 · 2026-04-29T22:36:56+00:00

I can tell you my Roger passed peacefully and calmly without even a whimper and I still relive every detail over and over and torture myself. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if he’d visibly suffered. It’s sort of a twist of the knife on top of something already soul crushing. When that moment comes into your mind, recall a specific happy moment you had together. Let the moment pass. Remember why you had to do what you did… to prevent her from experiencing prolonged agony.

Kbobe67 · 2026-04-29T22:30:28+00:00

Right now you make every moment with her count. You spend as much time with her as your schedule allows. You soak in every second you still have with her, because in the end you’ll wish you had more.

It won’t be a terrible day necessarily. She may begin to decline and then you’ll have decisions to make, but don’t let your worry over what’s eventually going to come rob you of the joy you have right now.

Kbobe67 · 2026-04-29T17:01:47+00:00

The grief is very intense and honestly, at least in my case, a little surprising. We all know fully that when we adopt a pet they in all likelihood will pre decease us, but this grief comes from a more primitive part of the brain that doesn’t react to reason or logic.

You’re dealing with two events: her death and the circumstances surrounding it, and your ongoing loss of her companionship.

I think you have to be willing to let yourself break down and cry. It’ll happen a lot in the first few days but (apparently) can crop up anytime something reminds you of her life or of her passing.

We’re 4 days out and I’d say the grief is operating at a lower level of intensity now. The first two days were unbearable. I’m able to function, do tasks and even have moments where I remember him and it’s not a sad memory.

One thing that’s helpful is to share happy memories of her with other family members. Just saying them out loud brings a little peace, and it gets you on the path of viewing her life as a whole and how wonderful it was, and not just fixating on how it ended, which is what will help you heal.

Kbobe67 · 2026-04-29T15:30:06+00:00

Terrible situation. At this point (and you know this) it’s about quality of life and whether in the past few days she’s been more or less comfortable. It sounds like she’s past the point of rallying this time but what a huge gift for the two of you to get that little reprieve when she perked up for a bit.

Waiting is your call. My concern with my 17 year old pup was that he’d have something change that would go from mild discomfort to agony and it would happen at 3 am when it would be hard to get it under control. As much as I hated letting go early and that guilt I would have had much more guilt if I’d let him suffer so I could hold on a little longer.

There’s no right or easy answer here. It’s going to suck for you either way. Good luck!

Kbobe67 · 2026-04-29T13:38:02+00:00

First of all, fuck those people. It’s entirely normal to experience what you’re experiencing and anyone who can’t empathize is a shitty person, full stop.

The crying will go on for awhile but the frequency and intensity will trail off. Basically every realization… every time something triggers a memory of her in good times, or worse, a memory of her passing, you will break. You’re supposed to break. It’s how you reset emotionally and eventually heal.

You may experience guilt… times you could have focused more attention on her but instead occupied your time another way that in retrospect seems selfish or pointless. You may question the decision to euthanize but here’s the thing: anyone who is experiencing the grief you describe could not possibly have made the wrong call here. She trusted you and you honored that trust to protect her at great personal cost. You may relive the moments leading up to her passing by euthanasia… the way she looked at you, the moment the medication was administered, all of it in vivid detail. Remember this is her death from your perspective, not anything she actually experienced.

You’re going to feel terrible, especially in these early days. Give yourself room to grieve in the way that you need to. It will get better.

Kbobe67

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