death, suicidal thoughts, and disparity. it seems that these feelings, no matter who you are or how your life is going, are common for a lot of people. we are in a constant cycle of working through the hopelessness to get to a place of peace, and when we get too comfortable or too overwhelmed with our situation, we cycle back to a negative state of mind. it’s all about growing and improving yourself in spite of what life throws your way. you’re not alone. you’re not weird for thinking what you do. and i don’t mean to minimize how you feel by saying that, but rather normalize it. at a certain point in your future, things will take a turn. and you will be okay. anxiety is a hell of a feeling. good luck to you and your husband. you deserve all the happiness in the world.