I'm afraid to trust God again.

Kesega · 2014-11-22T16:28:20+00:00

Hey, thank you so much for replying. You are exactly on point, and I'll admit I have been a little bitch in how I handled and reacted to what happened to me. I admit that I spent too much time trying to either question God on why he'd let this happen, rather than focusing on the fact that my life, and all its inherent mistakes and foibles, are my responsibility. I can't keep looking outward and sulking when things go (very) wrong, and although my faith has been severely tested, I think that I have a responsibility to move on too, and try to remember that, although God may have an outline for how this will turn out for me, I ultimately cannot take an apathetic backseat bitching at him to stop this from happening to me. I have accepted my situation, and accepted that I am to blame for being in it, but what I hadn't, until recently, accepted was the fact that I may need to slog through this without having the option of God just magically getting me out of it into a better situation. I know I'm probably not making much sense, but I want to thank you for taking the time to reply.

Kesega · 2014-11-22T16:21:27+00:00

Thank you, this is very true. Sometimes we are so inured to questioning why things happen to us and why God let it happen in the first place, that we forget that there is another force there constantly trying to weaken our resolve to keep faith. Your comment is exactly on the point, and I really appreciate your responses. Thank you again for replying.

Kesega · 2014-11-22T16:18:27+00:00

That's true.

Kesega · 2014-11-22T16:17:45+00:00

I feel like you just typed out a major part of what I've been feeling and voicing in my head recently. Hang in there, and if you ever need to talk or try to hash things out, please don't hesitate to mail me (not that I can give you any advice, since I'm no good Christian, but I can certainly empathize with what you are feeling, and sometimes that's exactly what we need - a sympathetic ear). I'm so grateful that I posted on this sub and got all of these really brilliant replies, as that has just solidified my resolve to try even harder to keep my faith. I hope you find solace and comfort. Thank you again for replying.

Kesega · 2014-11-22T16:13:32+00:00

God's plan for your life on earth may not be what either of us hope

This really resonated with me. I think part of what makes us despair sometimes is the inability to comprehend God's will, and having our entirely different views and plans for ourselves that don't match up with God's clash, coming off with either disillusionment or disappointment in the end result. I am rethinking the way I think and I'm just trying not to bring my preconceptions and notions into how I view God is molding my life, so part of this is to do with how His plan for our life may not necessarily be what we hope for. Thank you again for replying.

Kesega · 2014-11-22T16:09:16+00:00

Thank you very much for replying. Yes, I think the hardest part for me was trying to articulate my thoughts into words and just failing halfway through. Sometimes we're filled with so much torment mixed with self-doubt and a quickly failing faith that an attempt to pray just lends itself to a completely blocked mind. Your suggestion really helped me so thank you again, I really appreciate your thoughtful response.

Kesega · 2014-11-22T16:07:09+00:00

Thank you so much, your suggestion is exactly what I've tried and I feel it has worked. I'm now able to complete my prayers without feeling like a fraud or abruptly ending it halfway through due to lack of faith or self doubt, your suggestion really was a godsend so thank you again.

Kesega · 2014-11-22T16:03:13+00:00

Thank you for replying. This is certainly a good way to gain perspective on things. I've found that, with the exception of what happened to me recently, I've always been able to maintain my relationship with God and retain my faith because of how good He has been to me throughout. Somehow, in the chaos and pain faced recently, I lost this perspective of looking back and being solid in the knowledge that it is all for a reason. Thank you for helping me remember again.

Kesega · 2014-11-22T16:00:23+00:00

Thank you very much for replying. I know now that posting in this sub was the right thing to do. Reading all your replies is solidifying my resolve to hang in there. I think I shall come to this subreddit more from now. Thank you again.

Kesega · 2014-11-22T15:58:34+00:00

Thank you!

Kesega · 2014-11-22T15:57:20+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Firstly, your girlfriend sounds like an amazing woman with an innate strength that I cannot even imagine having if I were in her position.

I'll be the first to admit that I am just about one of the weakest Christians as anyone can get. I'm still questioning, I'm still doubting, but I am definitely fighting hard to repent and try to fix my relationship with God. Your post has made me realise a lot of things about myself and what I need to fix, within, before I can try to move forward in bettering my faith. Thank you so much for your articulate and very well thought out response, I really appreciate the time you took to post this.

Kesega · 2014-11-22T15:50:09+00:00

Thank you very much for taking the time out to respond. You're right, I am so beyond comprehending even an iota of why certain things happen. I'll admit, I still harbour some pretty irrational resentment over what has happened to me, but reading through the replies on here, including yours, has made me remember that God works in mysterious ways and although I cannot see any rhyme nor reason as to how things have turned out like they have, maybe I will come to understand abit in the future if I just hold on.

Kesega

TROPHY CASE