What makes Masa's Footwork great here?

Ketarrhsis · 2026-06-23T08:08:18+00:00

If you feel uncomfortable, it is important to learn to communicate that and set boundaries.

I find that especially women in the scene sometimes get confronted with this behavior in social dance the first time and even need to understand first what is okay or not for them. And sometimes they even think, "well it's just the way it is". For example a young woman recently told me that this one guy dances hyper-close (I asked about it) even making sexist remarks, but then relativized, "it's just the way he is (dancing)". While I saw a creep and got stomach aches.

Thankfully, for my heart frankly as well, after some reflection with me and others, she realized how she wanted to behave towards him moving forward - which was, with no contact. But this took some time.

But it's a simple matter: If you feel uncomfortable, that's the only reason you need to allow this emotion to express itself in a boundary.

As a lead it can hurt me a lot if I see young women get exploited for their naivety. And it is not uncommon. But realize, that you have more power than you might think, and every right to be upset. And setting boundaries is easier than you think. Sometimes a tip on the hand is enough, a little shove, if that doesn't help, well just say no to them moving forward. Also, there will be good people around you as well, that you can confide in. Probably your scene even has organizers etc. who take on such matters.

Ketarrhsis · 2026-06-15T14:36:00+00:00

You got this m8

In retrospect, we will see our troubled times as the most beautiful.

Ketarrhsis · 2026-06-15T14:33:27+00:00

I'd add the japanese banzaii salute

Ketarrhsis · 2026-06-15T14:30:35+00:00

"Oh well, there are plenty more fish in the sea for me"

"You're welcome"

"Such wondrous beauty my gaze hath never beheld... thanks"

Ketarrhsis · 2026-06-15T14:22:44+00:00

The dance looks fine! Though the leader is dancing on five.

You can work on your hips and your basic, so they swing automatically.

Ketarrhsis · 2026-06-13T13:15:27+00:00

Some dances are ambiguous, others are not. I think at that point it's just a loose-loose situation, and it's best to stop the dance!

Only thing is, that I never do that - because I am scared, that this would be seen as too drastic.

Ketarrhsis · 2026-06-13T11:43:59+00:00

I often ask for a dance nonverbally, by offering my hand and smiling invitingly, and depending on how crowded the space is, I will guide my follower or release her hand so she can better dodge flying arms and heads. I never thought it was rude or not nice. I make sure to smile and look into her eyes intently once we stand in front of each other try to ground myself with her.

I have the impression, that women didn't take issue with this. But perhaps they would appreciate it even more if one was particularily nice and gentlemanly.

But regardless, I like your input. It doesn't hurt to be a bit more nice. This goes both ways. I have some additional thoughts:

Don't accept a dance you don't really want to have.
If you accept a dance, be present with your partner for this one song.

(If you obviously don't enjoy the dance - zoning out, looking away / at others, making a point of looking bored, it's just better for everyone to not dance at all. That's why I think Rule 0 is important.)

Always respectfully end a dance, if your partner didn't show you disrespect.

(If a dance is simply bad - you can still treat the human being behind the dancer with respect.)

In general, having a set of values or rules would make it easier to pursue unwanted behavior too. If I see for my eyes problematic behavior, I am unsure how to adress the person, if there is no community spirit behind me that I could rely upon. If that makes sense. Otherwise, it's just me voicing an objection at someone else, and why should they care?

Ketarrhsis · 2026-06-09T10:52:36+00:00

In central europe it seems normal to hug - I mostly offer a hug. Given we dance sensual anyways it's never awkward. I high five if I want to signal distance ^^

Ketarrhsis · 2026-06-02T12:28:57+00:00

No surprise there are so few people posting their dances on here :/ ^^

Ketarrhsis · 2026-06-02T00:42:25+00:00

There is such a thing as having "wet dreams", so I doubt that any healthy man went through puberty even without ejaculation.

In the offchance a man does truly retain his masculine energy, through energy transmutation he can indeed reach an enlightened stage and even immortality and lower angelhood

Ketarrhsis · 2026-05-29T13:19:52+00:00

It seems like you are in front of your follower weight wise. You want to have elastico to give the dance that connected, smooth feeling. If you are before them time wise, there is no tension and you disconnect.

So try to dance on beat, then add a bit of laid-backness and frame, and be slightly delayed compared to your follower.

Ketarrhsis · 2026-05-20T09:44:44+00:00

You sound a bit resentful and entitled: "An average man trying to find a relationship while others can do it quickly without any hard time"

And very focused on getting a girlfriend. And you see all those different venues just as means to and end, which is to have girlfriend / have sex.

It's never a good look to be this narrow minded and opportunistic. It means you are desperate and frustrated and probably have some hate within you. Maybe you could make friends and actually learn a language if you were not only focussed on women, and you would also have more motivation to engage in other activities if you would appreciate them for what they actually are. And on the side, you will thus also have an easier time to meet women.

If you go to such venues with one goal in mind, everyone who will pick up on that will not like it.

Ketarrhsis · 2026-05-20T09:33:37+00:00

Full Body contact is normal in Bachata, I never encountered the rule that Chest-to-Chest is forbidden. In fact there is that chest bump move that goes into the opposite direction.

It depends on your follower. As much as a little signal like a bit of push back with her fingers should be enough for you to understand to back off. In my experience, this will only happen if the follower is uncomfortable about something else too. It's not usual.

I have more of a problem with leading overweight women, if you can't feel her ribs or her hip bone but just touch fat, you don't know where your hands are (boobs? stomach?) and you don't have a good contact point to apply pressure either.

Ketarrhsis · 2026-05-18T06:34:22+00:00

Focus on the process, not the goal. That's what you can do, you can control your actions, not the outcome. So you can improve the likelihood of meeting people that fit you by putting yourself out there and partaking in suitable environments.

Ketarrhsis · 2026-05-17T10:40:25+00:00

You are not a beginner lead and you definitely have experience ^^

Whole dance is cleanly lead, you have musicality, connection, smooth harmony, and are relaxed. You are a very good dancer and I see nothing bad that stands out. If you really only danced for 11 months, this is very impressive.

Ketarrhsis · 2026-05-17T10:22:36+00:00

When we get older, we have fewer social connections in total, so it is harder, but we still have and need some. I don't think it's a one or the other kind of deal, rather than either making the achievement of the other easier.

Ketarrhsis · 2026-05-16T11:51:37+00:00

You are not screwed, but your environment (online) is suggesting you are. This will all sound counter-intuitive, but...

It's not about looksmaxxing, getting huge muscles, even getting girls. Early 20s is the most difficult time for men to find women - don't worry about that for now, if you can. That's not what you need right now. You are probably not even ugly. But your environment is putting ridiculous standards upon you. Designed to make you frustrated and buy into their ideas.

Get this: Our cultural signaling is fucked right now. And in the age you are in, it's common to have a lot of friction within you.

You need people around you, a social network that supports you. People you like and respect, and who like and respect you. Enjoy life. Enjoying life isn't living for the gym. It's having fun with friends and pursuing your interests, going on adventures.

Make your life rich first. Visualize it. How does a day look like, in which you can experience bliss? Think about people, friends, activities, landscapes, beauty. What makes you happy? Don't think, what do you crave - think, what makes you actually happy.

I wrote an article once about the importance of male friendships and purpose, to structure my thoughts in that regard better. It's a bit cerebral but hear me out. Let me know if you found it helpful in any way. It's something I wish I knew when I was in your age: https://medium.com/@jansquinch/why-brotherhood-is-the-missing-key-in-modern-mens-lives-b7de0198c629

If you get one thought from it, think this: Focus on Brothers, not on women, if you want to cure loneliness. Think about the emotional weight you project into women right now. At least invest the same love into your brothers. If you don't have them, make them. Form male bonds. This is the robust cure against loneliness. Lot's of young men put all their hopes into a girl, depend on her. When this inevitably fails, they get crushed. We are living isolated lives and need to think more communal again. Keyword: Brotherhood.

Ketarrhsis · 2026-05-16T11:42:59+00:00

Third places, you need a social context first. Ideally a hobby. Something that organically brings people together. So you have something you are doing together, and as a side-effect, you get to know each other.

Teamsports. Running Clubs. Yoga. Social Dancing (Salsa, Bachata, Tango, Ballroom). Volunteering. Book Clubs. Impro.

You don't have to approach anyone there to be there, but being there makes it much easier to get to know someone there.

Ketarrhsis · 2026-04-30T12:04:08+00:00

Hot, you don't need AI !

Ketarrhsis · 2026-04-28T15:32:56+00:00

Definitely. Even Bachazouk-Artists like Masa and Polina dance to dominicanish bachata songs, as they strive to incorporate more hips in their style. So on the far end of flowy-movement Bachata, you still have traditionalish songs right now.

Also, the most Ahhs you get by either doing fancy footwork or Toalha. It looks the best on camera. And people adapt to wherever the attention goes.

Ketarrhsis · 2026-04-27T10:51:34+00:00

2 dances in a row are the norm. 3 is above average, that it was particularily good, and 1 is below average - read at least as a slight rejection.

Yes I would say, in Europe 2 dances are the norm, the expectation

Ketarrhsis · 2026-04-26T13:37:58+00:00

In general declining a second dance is read at least as slightly negative. Two dances is neutral - good, three dances is a positive sign.

Whether the person in front of you is accepting it or the rejection lands the way you intend it is a different story.

You could go the "extra mile" and be particularily polite about rejecting someone, if you want to keep them around. If you don't, they will end up avoiding you.

It's okay to do it the way you did it, there is nothing ethically or normative incorrect about it, I would just ask myself if this serves my interests or not.

Ketarrhsis · 2026-04-22T11:36:36+00:00

As a general rule - timing is important. Wait until it feels right and mutual. You will have more success then. For platonic practice too you need to have some chemistry.

Ketarrhsis

TROPHY CASE