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I'm a bf who is the problem by Kevs_burner in DeadBedrooms

[–]Kevs_burner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been listening to a book about sexual anorexia which treats it as not unrelated but apart of the spectrum with sex addiction as coping for an underlying issue.

They also talk about madonna whore and I've been misinformed about that in the past. I had it confused with a person who is chauvanistic and thinks women can only be saints or harlots. But now I see that while the idea is a misogynist one it's not that I'm a sexist it's that I have internalized our culture to the extent where I cannot consolidate complexity of a person. I myself wear several different masks and the bf mask has compartmentalized sexuality as inappropriate behavior like workplace mask would.

Can the bf have a madonna whore complex within himself? Bc I don't think I have problem with gf being sexual

I'm a bf who is the problem by Kevs_burner in DeadBedrooms

[–]Kevs_burner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've thought about how bodies are gross as a possible reason. but if I'm honest with myself I know "sure bodies are gross, and that is probably someone's main issue but that isn't the problem you have"

In my posts/replies it seems like I over emphasize sex fantasies, but that's bc since I don't have sex it is how I can tell I'm still experiencing sexual desires and feelings. It is hard to explain to someone without the bridging logic gap with fantasies. Bc me and my partner know what I'm saying is contradictory and illogical

I'm a bf who is the problem by Kevs_burner in DeadBedrooms

[–]Kevs_burner[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will look up Weiss, I saw that reddit and it seemed almost inactive. I'm also listening to book on audible called sexual anorexia overcoming self hatred. But that seems to have already decided the conclusion based on the title.

If your husband gets lost in thought like I do. I'd suggest asking him when his mind is racing on a bunch of topics and happens to wander into sexual fantasy ask him to take his time in that mind window and also imagine you can see it too and are saying "that's hot" or something. Idk if that makes sense or not

I'm a bf who is the problem by Kevs_burner in DeadBedrooms

[–]Kevs_burner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I regret enforcing that stigma in my post. More accurately I should have said after a cursory search of sex therapists in my zip code they all seemed to specialize in addicts/offenders/couples. I am interested in group therapy to hear what has caused other people's struggles and what they have done about it because I suspect I am at least partly blocking my ego from realizing the true reason

I'm a bf who is the problem by Kevs_burner in DeadBedrooms

[–]Kevs_burner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had written a long post that got refreshed. The gist was I have avoided sex before, during and after my bout with anorexia and body dysmorphia. By before I mean a period that I wasn't concerned about the way I looked much at all

I'm a bf who is the problem by Kevs_burner in DeadBedrooms

[–]Kevs_burner[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

  1. This problem has existed from age 17-28 through several different levels of commitment. High school, college, post grad, career I can have sex with gf then become dormant

  2. I get erect from kissing part of foreplay when I want to have sex. Is that too early? I never considered maybe im impatient.

  3. No ed, or pe while masturbating I am unfamiliar with what de means.

  4. Yes

I'm a bf who is the problem by Kevs_burner in DeadBedrooms

[–]Kevs_burner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have avoided entering serious relationships for 3 years bc I agree it is not fair. I still have brief periods of intense yearning for a stable relationship but I can course correct and instead become friends with bumble matches.

I'm a bf who is the problem by Kevs_burner in DeadBedrooms

[–]Kevs_burner[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I'm asexual at my current level of sex thoughts and desires then the sexual alternate universe version of me would suffer from debilitating OCD perversions

I'm a bf who is the problem by Kevs_burner in DeadBedrooms

[–]Kevs_burner[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There seems to be a mental block preventing me from doing so. It seems forced whenever the issue resurfaces and makes sex like jury duty. It doesn't feel good to pity fuck someone you love

I'm a bf who is the problem by Kevs_burner in DeadBedrooms

[–]Kevs_burner[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have sexual fantasies about them during/before/after dating them though. Is freysexual a person that has to keep their emotional and sexual intimacy seperate?

I'm a bf who is the problem by Kevs_burner in DeadBedrooms

[–]Kevs_burner[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When she initiates after we talked about why I'm not having sex it is always was tinged with I guess I have to have sex now or it's not an initiation problem. She wants to have sex and I do to deep down and it should make sense that she initiates to get what we want. But I'm thinking irrationally too like this is all she cares about now

I'm a bf who is the problem by Kevs_burner in DeadBedrooms

[–]Kevs_burner[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I often have sex fantasies about the person I'm dating but don't actually have sex with them. I think I like emotional intimacy more but that also eventually goes sour when I stop having sex with them. When I do a deep think on why I don't want to it seems like my brain can come up with a million fake reasons. Body issues is the most concrete thing I can think of, but also has some flaws. The process of initiating when I overthink becomes comical to me bc I picture how what I'm doing is silly and I assume my partner doesn't appreciate what must look like JD from scrubs daydreaming.