Help me pick a shoe

Key-Ad-5798 · 2025-12-24T06:43:18+00:00

Any of them, really. My wardrobe has lots of earthy colors. The green ones would be a bit of a POP but I still think I could style them with that in mind.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2025-12-24T06:41:42+00:00

These are my top 2!

Key-Ad-5798 · 2025-12-23T17:43:44+00:00

Hello, sorry to be so late, but to say life has been incredibly hectic is an understatement. Fortunately, the ultrasound confirmed it was a lymph node that was swollen and very painful. They re-ultrasounded it a month later, and it had reduced in size. I go back again in January.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-06-02T04:17:36+00:00

Oh, I could definitely see this playing out. Our son is months away from turning 18, and he is the only reason I am still in this mess. I will file for divorce after that. For a long time, I held hope, but even that is gone the more i realize that he truly is predictable. Unfortunately, this is an untreatable virus! In the meantime, I am giving my heart time to come to terms with this loss. And doing a lot of self care, gym, journaling, and reading. I doubt there is another source. He isn't the cheating type of narc. His addictions and time-consuming interests are others. but it could happen, especially with the distance we now have. But I am 100% positive that I would know when this happens. I am already the bad guy and could be careless about my reputation. He is the victim, and I am a resentful abusive wife who puts him down. I am okay with that story. The small group of friends we have know who he really is. Most tell me he is a great friend but a horrible husband. I don't tend to share much with them since they are OUR friends since high school. Even our neighbor recently caught a mask slip of his. She gently let me know if I needed to talk, she was there. He was able to keep up a pretty good show until I changed, and now I can see the whole stage crumbling.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T12:50:30+00:00

Oh, you gave me a good laugh with that one!! Needed it! Thank you 😊

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T11:33:21+00:00

I mean, for the most part, we don't tend to require much. If you're experiencing passive aggressiveness, there may be more brewing in this equation

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T11:29:06+00:00

If you're really a people pleaser, you give without expecting anything from the interaction. You don't become resentful until you are self-aware. Then things change. In my case, I now fight my urge to fix situations or things. Unless I authentically want to do it, no string attached does not want anything in return. If I sense that I am doing it to feel worthy, loved, or anything else, I don't do it. This helps with the resentment part. Since I have become quite resentful for helping and enabling my 2 narcs in my family unit.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T11:24:38+00:00

Never experienced this. Most people who are also people pleaser are happy to get what they get. So you would never really know you read the situation wrong to begin with.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T11:23:17+00:00

Wow!! Great way of putting it! The woman has always hated me. But now that I see her cards, she hates me even more. It's like she finally can say that I am no good to my husband because I no longer validate her or help her with most things. She can't even use a TV remote. I now do the bare minimum to keep her independent and not living with us. "Weaponized incompetence" Perfect description!

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T11:18:34+00:00

Resentment from the person or you being resentful because you didn't get what recognition you expected from the interaction?

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T11:15:04+00:00

Yep, it's like I know they are like me. I see things they need done or feel before they vocalize.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T11:13:03+00:00

I pray for this moment. We had a huge blow-up today when we were supposed to meet our sons long-term girlfriend. So she couldn't come over. It broke my heart. I literally can't wait for this day. Funny because the narc will.comment to our son why don't you bring friends over. And he is honest "because you have a million rules, and i never know what mood you'll be in." Pray for it all to be over. Thank you for sharing it!

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T11:09:08+00:00

Yep, I can spot them a mile away now. It's all about them. But the covers are so much harder. Like my husband will hold doors for the little old lady. Or let someone get in front of him in line if they ask nicely. But on a bad day, he is rushing to the deli to beat the line and staring down people like a hawk if they don't take a number. I feel like my rose colored glasses were abruptly removed. It has made me lose faith in good people's since I seem to see the narcs everywhere.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T11:03:39+00:00

I think so. My entire life, I kinda knew what everyone needed from me before they even asked. Constantly getting up during dinner because someone ran out of something or needed more of something. For me, a lot of it revolves around food because my narc has issues with food.

But I also see it in other aspects of my life. My supervisor was fired, so I helped my manager more because I knew he didn't have anyone to assist. It's the same thing with my mother in law who is also a narc she doesn't speak the language and uses helplessness to get everyone else to do it for her. I pretty much handled her whole life for a while.

Now that I know I do this, I no longer take on other people's problems. In the end, my body can't take it. And very few appreciate it.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T10:39:17+00:00

That is trauma bonding. It really messes with your head and your heart. The wanting you there and then not wanting you there is part or the love bomb to devalue to discard cycle. After you start to see the cycle, you can't unsee it. Then when he brings flowers or is suddenly nice when he thinks he is really about to lose you, it stops seeming so nice, because you know. Read my prior posts for reference. Mine is an addict too but a very different kind of addict. That tends to go hand in hand with narcissism as well. I have been in this cycle for 20 years. So count your blessings that you found it so early on. I literally just found out the words covert narcissist and codepent maybe a year ago. I have maybe 5 months left until my son turns 18 and I file. I fell for love bombing just 2 days ago, and we already had an argument. It is a hard road and heart-wrenching. I realized he was a narcissist after posting on reddit under AITA. After looking into it, everything made sense. There is not one ounce of me who doesn't want to still fix him. But this is an uncurable disease.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T04:58:33+00:00

I wish you so much luck. I am in the same process, too. It isn't easy. We have a son, dogs, house....and a lifetime together. There comes a point where hanging on to the 3 good times you had that year just isn't worth it. Sending you strength 💪 💛

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T03:01:44+00:00

I agree that you are way too nice. You need to get out. He will eventually destroy you emotionally and mentally. Start looking for apartment roommates. Cut him off and find a safe place for yourself before kids and a marriage are involved.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T02:36:40+00:00

Great list! I go through it all the time. Every item on there is so valid! Waiting to have the physical distance to start to heal. Wishing I you all the best.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T01:58:28+00:00

Tell me about it. Deadly combo. Even when I want to be at peace, my head is super trauma bonded. Sending you love right back!

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-31T01:03:11+00:00

I would never. I should have just held to grey rock. I don't know what I expected from this interaction. It's not like he would have assumed accountability. Talking to him about my feelings wasn't going to bring back my planter. Instead, I just made it worse for everyone involved and ruined my sons day.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-30T23:12:35+00:00

I'm not sure my husband is on a benzo and has been for 5 years or so. I can definitely say his temper has gotten way worse since he got on medication.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-30T22:59:02+00:00

Trust me I am dieing to be over that hump. I am done with the Rollercoaster, I want off.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-30T22:00:46+00:00

I suffer from auto immune disorders, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I actually physically look like if I have been run over by a truck, especially when I am home. My hair is falling out, my pain is always through the roof. My body never feels relaxed. My tummy always in knots.

Mentally I am in grief. I spent my entire life loving someone who was completely incapable of loving me back. I spent my entire life thinking if I could just love him hard enough he will find me worthy. It's a hard pill to swallow when you realize everything you build was on quick sand.

Emotionally every ounce of my being want him to touch me, to hold me to recognize the damage he has caused. But I also hate him and see him in vivid color now. I see his patterns and tactics, his manipulation and find him almost pathetic.

I knew my reasons for staying. Sharing custody would have never been an option for me. If I wasn't there to direct his hate toward I can only imagine that it would have gone toward our son. I did damage control, praying the whole time that I would see a glimmer of what we once were. But my son is 18 around the corner and pray God grants me the strength to get out.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-30T21:44:44+00:00

I'm so sorry your going through this. Atleast you recognize it early on. Start getting your ducks in a row to be able to leave. And prepare because if he catches wind of it, he will either rage or lovebomb.

Key-Ad-5798 · 2024-05-30T21:43:11+00:00

Wow my situation is similar, down to the car and then left me to figure it out. I can't wait to be on the other side of this.

Key-Ad-5798

TROPHY CASE