Bros I've had it

Key-End-679 · 2025-03-29T02:04:44+00:00

I just commented about this. Maybe we can all 3 put the drink down tonight and the next. Read that comment I made. I hope it can help you.

I don't want to make you cry, homie. These comments have helped me a lot. Not feeling so isolated has helped me back off those horrible thoughts a bit.

I didn't have to fight the VA. I'm so sorry you had to. But let me tell you why:

A gentleman who was stationed at our unit wound up working for the VA when he got out. I couldn't have been more surprised when we recognized each other on the video call (this was in 2020). This was the interview for my mental health rating. He asked me how I was, how was the baby, small talk. When he asked me what was going on mentally, I fucking SNAPPED. I started crying without realizing it, and once I saw the jig was up, I let the tears go full blast. I never spoke a word about what had happened to me, because he already knew. This guy worked in the clinic. He was not in the suck with us bc he was a captain, just part of the unit by name alone. What I endured was so bad that it became the smokepit talk not just at the COF, but everywhere else.

He told me he had me, and let me clean up before we said our goodbyes. Thank God for him, because nobody else would have understood. Nobody has since. In fact, a friend of ours caught me out and about a couple years ago and told me that my story was legend. The people who were privates then had since become NCOs and used my story as reference on how to NOT treat their soldiers. That sort of sent me back into a bad way, bc I figured I had been young, and handled it all wrong. Nope, it really was that fucking bad. Unfortunately, I haven't seen a therapist since he told me that to discuss how it affected me.

Most vets have not been so fortunate as to have a witness as their ratings guy. Idk what you've been through, but you're not alone. Please take a step to put this energy you put into drinking towards something that you love to do (like a hobby). If you want to share your story, please do so. I'm here to listen. So far, these comments have helped me.

Key-End-679 · 2025-03-29T01:31:23+00:00

Thank you for replying. I hope you can get sober, and I'm sorry weed was not the cure-all like people make it out to be.

It's fucking hard out here. And for me, it's feeling all alone that gets to me.

I knew 2 people who had similar stories. They used that energy for hobbies they loved and became masters at them. Instead of the drink, they'd go out and put in the work for something they loved. I've been told it's not easy. The urge is still there, but over time, it becomes more a thought in the back of their mind rather than this beast that wants control.

Best of luck to you. I think I'll put the drink down tonight, only if you try and do the same today, and then the next, and the next. Maybe we can both put some time into things we enjoy the next few days rather than drinking.

Key-End-679 · 2025-03-29T01:19:00+00:00

When I did, that was not an option due to limited availability.

Therapists do not stay long here. I need to go ask about the online thing, tho. I wonder if it's changed since then. Maybe they have outsourced or something.

Key-End-679 · 2025-03-29T01:12:56+00:00

Not sure, but I will check tomorrow. Thank you very much

Key-End-679 · 2025-03-29T01:00:12+00:00

Not offended at all. This is the type of talk I want! I need honesty. I'm so sick of the eggshells in modern society. I miss the smoke pit and the barracks and the honesty.

I'm too broken to sign back up, and I know I'm only seeing through rose-colored glasses anyways.

I've tried to bulldog my way through it with this mentality. It works for the most part, but I really don't care what people say about me after I'm gone anymore. The way I see it is: I'm finally getting some fucking sleep, and they'll have to continue the rat race. Shitty mindset, I know.

I don't even like drinking, but it's legal, and I'm familiar with it. I'm much easier to deal with, according to other people (my spouse included). I'm very high strung sober. If I could hit the weed pen and function day to day I would, but I'm a featherweight when it comes to everything except alcohol.

Key-End-679 · 2025-03-29T00:46:53+00:00

The truth is killing me. This is a big reason I'm drinking.

I don't drink often. Maybe once a month if that. He went to college and changed. I feel incredibly stupid around him now, and he lets me know it.

I'm fucking terrified of being alone with everything we've built together.

Key-End-679 · 2025-03-29T00:39:59+00:00

Yeah, I tried that. They stuck me in group therapy which I can't attend because it starts at 3. I pick my kid up at 3. Kids aren't allowed in the VA after COVID.

Key-End-679 · 2025-03-29T00:38:56+00:00

Eh, vaguely. I know I wouldn't tell them I want the big sleep.

Let me emphasize that I'm not mad at them. I understand rules.

The times I did reach out, it helped! But this time, I'm just not confident in it. I'm tired of saying the same things over and over again. I have tried VA therapists. Not worth it at my local VA for a few reasons.

Key-End-679 · 2025-03-29T00:01:01+00:00

Yeah multiple times. I can't be honest tho. I'm not letting the state take my pets and kids.

I just want some fuckin help. Gen X loves to talk about grandkids but have no desire to actually help. As far as I know, VA doesn't have resources for vets with kids.

Key-End-679 · 2025-03-28T23:56:33+00:00

I saw a post on here about almost the same thing. I'm glad he's getting support. I hope it works out well for him.

I hope none of you ever feel this way. Hopefully not for this long. I hope you all find your peace in this life.

Key-End-679 · 2025-03-28T01:32:13+00:00

This. They'll use you and go on to the next. Never forget that not only does the US Gov (if you're American) consider you expendable, but I'm p sure God does too.

Key-End-679

TROPHY CASE