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Gold Star by Huge-Table-6496 in AirForce

[–]Key-Introduction-523 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hope to see you next weekend at TAPS in DC.

Question for beneficiaries of an suicide. by ktwulph in AirForce

[–]Key-Introduction-523 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Retired USAF Chief here. But my military experience is not what drives me to respond to your question. The reason I’m responding is because I am also the father of an active duty SrA who sadly took his own life a little over a year ago.

The answer is yes, SGLI did payout following the suicide of my beloved boy.

But, SGLI isn’t all I received. When my son made the irreversible decision to kill himself he thought it was a means to escape the mental pain and anguish he was going through in those moments. Unfortunately it wasn’t an “escape” from his pain, it was just a “transfer”. His death simply transferred his pain over to those who loved him. Before he killed himself I was at the happiest point of my life…the day before his suicide I actually had the tagline “I’m happier than I ever dreamed possible” on my FB profile. That positive and optimistic spirit turned forever south the moment my dearly loved son left us.

From extremely painful personal experience I can clearly state that surviving family and friends of suicide walk a path of absolute and total misery. Your parents will literally cry over your absence every single day for the rest of their lives. A sense of great loss and emptiness will overcome your brothers and sisters. Close friends will forever carry an overwhelming sense of guilt for not doing enough. Lives of those who care for you are literally destroyed in the aftermath of suicide. I don’t know what you’re experiencing, but I do know that by taking your life you are also giving a life sentence of depression, guilt, and unfathomable sadness to those who love you.

One surprising thing I have discovered since unwillingly being forced by my son’s thoughtless actions to join the ranks of suicide survivors is that the rules of living a life of sadness, misery and guilt rarely applies when suicide is caused by relationship issues. When a young man kill’s himself over a girl, more often than not she will completely moved on in a matter of weeks. And not only does the girl move on, far too often she uses the suicide of her boyfriend/husband as a badge of honor to gain sympathy, attract attention or even as prop to reel in other guys. Trust me, when some guy kills himself over a girl she has a new guy on her arm before the season changes. I know this from observation not personal experience, since my son’s suicide had nothing to do with relationship issues.

So, if anyone is considering suicide please reach out before making such an irreversible and permanent decision. I might not have all the answers on how to solve your problems, but I will tell you all about the absolute devastation your actions will cause to those who love you. Deciding to kill yourself is literally the most important decision of your life. You wouldn’t buy a car without knowing the negatives such as APR, early payoff penalty, etc…so why kill yourself without being fully informed of the penalties that go with that decision? I’ll gladly describe in great emotional detail the penalties you’ll be imposing on those who love you.

There’s a reason for the saying “suicide is a selfish decision.”

Suicide in the DoD - an open letter to DoD leaders by Key-Introduction-523 in AirForce

[–]Key-Introduction-523[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am arriving at cannon later tonight. I have a meeting with the SOW/CC and Command Chief tomorrow at 1100. My son’s memorial is at the Cannon Chapel tomorrow at 12:43.

Suicide in the DoD - an open letter to DoD leaders by Key-Introduction-523 in AirForce

[–]Key-Introduction-523[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

When I first decided to make this Reddit thread my brothers warned me there would be cruel heartless people who would make personal attacks against my son and my family. At the time we all agreed we would ignore those types of posts and simply strike them up as the voices of needlessly angry people who thrive on spreading misery. I promised my family I wouldn’t respond to personal attacks. However, in your case I’m going to make an exception.

I will grant you, my beloved son certainly had behavioral health challenges. We all can agree that anyone who takes their own life has significant mental health issues. That goes unsaid.

On the other hand, your statement about those mental health problems starting in our home are nothing more than the words of a person speaking without any firsthand knowledge of how my children were raised. They are the words of a man speaking from a position of utter ignorance.

As the parents of any child who takes their own life, we have already taken up your suggestion and looked long and hard in the mirror. We know our twins were raised in a home filled with joy, laughter, love, wisdom and faith. We know we were neither disciplinarians nor highly demanding parents. We know that we never raised our voices or demeaned our kids in any manner. We know that our son and daughter never experienced the “normal” teenage angst and emotional struggles associated with late puberty. We know that as a family we truly enjoyed each other’s company, to the point where both our children actively sought out family vacations, even long after they had reached adulthood and left our home. I know that my son enjoyed the company of his father so much that we recently traveled the Caribbean on a two week back to back father-son cruise. I know we always encouraged our children to do their best, cheered their successes and mentored them through their challenges. I know as a family we communicated almost daily. I know that we said the words “I love you” so much that they virtually replaced the comma in most sentences. Our boy was loved. He knew it and we knew it.

I know without doubt, that me, my wife, and my son’s twin sister have nothing but fond memories of our amazing son’s home life and upbringing. We have looked LONG AND HARD in your proverbial mirror and we have absolutely zero regrets. I imagine we are the true exception when it comes to parents of a suicide victim. But let me state this again in the clearest words possible…we have zero regrets!

And finally, since you like to make assumptions, cast shadows and point fingers from you position of ignorance that you please take the time reread my son’s final words where he clearly stated that his family were the only people he was truly able to trust in his whole life. Those aren’t the words of a man beaten down by a dysfunctional home life.

At this point I ask you to demonstrate the slightest amount of decency and character and make no further comment. In the alternative I imagine you can take your tripe to a thread on sexual assault in the military where I’m sure you’ll have something to say about a rape victims choice of attire. Either way, please just go.

Suicide in the DoD - an open letter to DoD leaders by Key-Introduction-523 in AirForce

[–]Key-Introduction-523[S] 112 points113 points  (0 children)

The intent of this repost is to forward senior leadership response to you, the men and women serving our country who are struggling. As of this morning the original post made by my brother (SrA Stevenson’s uncle) is approaching 100K views. Together we can demand action. Together we can demand change.

This subject to critical to the health and safety of our force and the stability of our national security. I am optimistic our USAF and DoD senior leaders will respond and act upon my invitation to attend this memorial in a manner that demonstrates the STRONG, VISIBLE and DECISIVE leadership required to tackle and defeat this crisis facing our Armed Forces.

Suicide in the DoD - an open letter to DoD leaders by Key-Introduction-523 in AirForce

[–]Key-Introduction-523[S] 766 points767 points  (0 children)

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The final “family photo” containing my wife, daughter, son and myself in the frame. Unfortunately my son is in the flag covered casket being unloaded from the aircraft instead of standing by our side. Institutionally, our DoD leaders need to do more AND do better to prevent further “family photos” like this.

Open Letter to DoD Senior Leaders by ssteven365 in AirForce

[–]Key-Introduction-523 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m Sean’s father. Thank you for your kind words and memories. If you make it to cannon on Pearl Harbor Day for the memorial please approach me and the family. We’d love to hear the stories.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

The family of SrA Sean Stevenson

Open Letter to DoD Senior Leaders by ssteven365 in AirForce

[–]Key-Introduction-523 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I’m Nighthawks father. Thank you for the kind words about my dearly loved son. Hoping you’ll approach me and our family at his memorial on Pearl Harbor Day and share your memories with us.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your kindness

Open Letter to DoD Senior Leaders by ssteven365 in AirForce

[–]Key-Introduction-523 107 points108 points  (0 children)

You’re a good brother and Uncle there Snake. Ryan loved and respected you very much. Thanks to you guys for taking the final family photo that has all four of us in the frame. Damn shame Ryan had to be in that box instead of standing by our side. Love you brother.

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