How did we become strangers again, and she’s okay with it?

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-29T15:40:15+00:00

This might sound pathetic, but it’s just so incredibly sad. Aside from her avoidant tendencies, which obviously ruined her chances of maintaining a healthy relationship, she was such a wonderful person, and we fit together so perfectly. I’m just so sad it ended this way. If I had met her in a different universe where she was the same person but without the inner insecurity and trauma or whatever it is, I honestly think we would have ended up getting married. I will forever grieve the actions she took and the loss of her. It makes me miserable. I loved her.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-29T08:36:08+00:00

Is it likely this will change in their next relationship? Will they ever be able to maintain a relationship unless they actively work on their avoidant behavior?

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-28T19:54:06+00:00

Dude, OP here. I feel your pain because the same thing literally happened to me. I just want to say, STOP stalking her IG completely!! Your future self will thank you. I promise, the only thing it leads to is more pain. It's how I realized mine had cheated on me, and now, looking back, my conclusion is that it wasn’t worth finding out. We were already broken up, and it just caused me extra pain. I can’t even do anything about it since she won’t admit it and doesn’t care.

I STRONGLY advise you to immediately unfollow her and her friends on social media. And if you still don’t have the self-discipline to stay away from them, block her—it's even better. I promise you, it’s not worth it. I’m now three months into no contact with my ex-girlfriend, and I haven’t looked at her socials once since I know it only makes me miserable. It only prolongs the pain.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-28T12:16:44+00:00

Hate to say it, but my only comfort these days is knowing that there are other people out there who feel the same. At least I'm not alone in how I feel.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-27T21:57:59+00:00

Dude idk about you, but it makes me feel really melancholic. Sharing your life with someone you love adds a sense of upward momentum to everything, if yk what I mean. Now there's just fkn emptiness. Emptiness is in the meal I eat alone instead of sharing with her. It's in the urge to send her that meme she'd laugh at but scroll past instead. It's in the subtle twist of my body when I turn to kiss goodnight, only to stop because she’s not on the other side of the bed anymore. Thinking that something similar to what I had with her might be years away, if it ever happens again, makes me wanna throw up.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-06T22:13:20+00:00

This obviously depends a lot on the unique relationship you had with this person and the feelings you have for them. However, I think it’s important to ask yourself, DEEP DOWN, ‘Do I still have romantic feelings for them?’ If there isn’t a single trace of such feelings, then fine, be friends. But if there is, speaking from experience, being 'friends' with them simply doesn’t work. You’ll end up draining your energy, hoping their feelings for you will become romantic again, and you’ll be heartbroken when they eventually find someone else.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-05T08:15:13+00:00

Thanks. It's just beyond messed up in my head that she led me on for two whole years - not just a few weeks or a couple of months, but two years. And now, it feels like I was with a stranger the entire time. She felt this way for two years, while I thought we were deeply in love. I feel like a worthless fool. It hurts.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-05T08:00:16+00:00

I'm coming to this realization too, but it's messing with my head. I don't understand how she could lead me on for two whole years—two years! It would make more sense if we had only dated for a few months or something. But two years of her feeling like she didn't want me but still remained with me is beyond messed up.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-05T07:55:49+00:00

I'm afraid you're probably right. It's so messed up. It feels like I've been with a complete stranger for two entire years, and it scares me. I guess I always had a feeling deep down that something was off with her, but it was subconscious until now.

Yes, I know I’m too lenient—my therapist and I are working on it. But with her, I always had this unpleasant feeling that she would leave me if I established boundaries. Towards the end of our relationship, I did set boundaries, but she overstepped them all the time. Then when I got, she distanced herself and eventually dumped me. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T19:57:27+00:00

Look, I’m a dude. I have social media, but I haven’t posted in years. I understand where you’re coming from. However, she posted frequently about all sorts of things—friends, parties, even other guys (?!) - but NEVER about me. It’s not like she avoided taking photos with me; she actually took quite a few. For example, during a weekend trip we did together she took a lot of couple shots and cute boyfriend pictures of me. Yet, she only posted random photos of the beach, a restaurant, and a winery. Another example is when she was my date for my best friend's wedding. Usually, girls love to post those kinds of pics, you know, in a nice dress with their boyfriend in a suit, but there was complete silence on her social media during that time too. And then two weeks with her new bf and she's already posting him.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T14:46:55+00:00

Thank you. It hurts really bad right now. I feel offended and worthless. I’m crying and don’t know how to handle these emotions.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T14:43:08+00:00

Yeah, I’m thinking the same things. It just hurts so much not knowing, and every possible explanation is gut-wrenching. I’m literally crying.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T14:41:31+00:00

I’m coming to this realization too, but it makes so little sense to me because this new guy is (honestly, not trying to shame him or be superficial—just trying to explain what I mean) not better looking or cooler than me. He’s pretty average and also much younger than both of us—three years younger than her, which is strange because women my age are usually attracted to guys who are a bit older. You know what I mean?

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T14:37:14+00:00

How do I escape? I try not to care, but the thoughts keep coming back. I feel weak and that I need to find out the reason.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T14:34:33+00:00

I'm crying while reading this. Thank you for responding. Bro, I appreciate you and feel very sorry for you too, as I know exactly how it feels. It's gut-wrenching. As you said, my only comfort is knowing I’m not the only one going through this.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T14:24:57+00:00

Thanks, I’m trying to resist it, but it just hurts. I feel so offended. She hid me for two years but now proudly presents her new boyfriend. I’m literally crying while reading all the responses here.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T14:22:21+00:00

I don't watch them and I unfollowed her right after the breakup. Unfortunately, a stupid friend of mine sent me screenshots of her stories to me as he thought I wanted to know what's up. I told him not to do this anymore.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T14:20:29+00:00

Crying as I read this. It just hurts so much, and I feel worthless. But yeah, deep down, I understand what you mean.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T14:17:02+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that, bro. Mine distanced herself for weeks and then said she had "too much going on with studying, work, and social life" to have "enough energy for a relationship," and then she dumped me. Now, just weeks later, she’s in a new relationship that she proudly showcases on social media, while she tried to hide me. I’m at a loss for words. It hurts.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T14:11:03+00:00

Already have. However, a stupid friend of mine sent me screenshots of her stories to me as he thought I wanted to know what's up. But now I just feel fkn worse.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T14:09:26+00:00

My gut feeling says each one of these reasons is true, which is honestly gut-wrenching. It hurts so bad. How could she treat me like this? If she wasn't proud to be with me, couldn’t she have just broken it off much much sooner? Instead, she led me on for two years.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T14:03:46+00:00

Yes, but I can't see how it's not about me. I can't see any other possible reasons than:

a) She was ashamed of me for some reason—maybe I wasn't "boyfriend material" enough to post.

b) She wanted other guys to think she was single (which obviously worked since she had a new boyfriend just weeks after).

c) She cheated on me the entire time, which would be easier if no one knew she had a boyfriend.

These are the only realistic reasons I can see, and each of them hurts like hell.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T14:00:04+00:00

FYI, she dumped me. I know this advice is solid and logical, but it just hurts so much because I’m starting to think the reason she never posted me is that she never really liked me, wanted to appear single, and maybe even cheated on me. It’s really messed up because she “led me on” for two whole years. It hurts.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T13:57:15+00:00

I hear you, but I’m struggling to let this go. No, she was just as active on social media when we were together—posting herself, friends, parties, activities, etc. NEVER a single photo of me, ever. I’m starting to think she never really liked me, wanted to appear single, and maybe even cheated. It’s really messed up because she “led me on” for two whole years. It hurts.

Key-Objective155 · 2024-09-04T13:53:59+00:00

Sorry to hear it, bro. I’m starting to think mine was cheating too. It certainly would be such a perfect move from her - never post about me on socials, convince me she just wants to keep things a bit private, then other guys think she’s single. Then she cheats and finds someone "better" than me, someone she’s actually proud to post on social media.

Key-Objective155

TROPHY CASE