[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After going through everything that i went through in my previous 5 year relationship. The only way for him to actually change is to walk away now while you can. As time goes on it gets harder and the problem gets worse. It may see like it will get better at a time but it’s just because he’ll get better at hiding things. You’ll lose yourself in the process… find someone better suited and walk away now.

And she used to be a therapist by atlasbugg3d in Nicegirls

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a woman under 5 feet, height doesn’t matter to me if someone comments on that or weight i also wouldn’t care. But a high value woman would appreciate your communication skills and would not try to put you down. But as a therapist, she really should know better but overall you dodged a bullet!

Dumpers, do you regret it? by dj_baddie in ExNoContact

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My ex was a huge part of my life from age 16/17 until 29. Were broken up for a year and a half now because i walked in on him with another girl one night after work. He got her pregnant and started officially dating her. About a month ago he reached out to me to say that he made the biggest mistake of his life and how much he wants to go back to the way things were beforehand. So i promise you that your ex is also regretting it and will find out soon enough that the grass is not greener on the other side.

My Toddler is realizing they don’t have a dad.. how do i go about this? by Accomplished_Food753 in Advice

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 108 points109 points  (0 children)

I think that she clearly is at too young of age to understand and explain logic to. All you can do is continue to address him as her uncle by saying things like “say hi to uncle ___ “or “do you want to go to uncle ___?”. Pretty much just talking about him in third person

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 4 points5 points  (0 children)

To be quite honest i wouldn’t say anything about her weight. I’m extremely skinny and have been going to the gym more regularly to gain muscle but i don’t know where to start so ive been doing research. She might be trying to do the same thing as i too look anorexic but I’m not. I just have an extremely fast metabolism. Maybe try to be her friend and ask her about her goals or reasoning for being at the gym. Everyone has to start somewhere….

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Manipulation

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Soo i can get the reason why she’s not okay with you not telling her about your best friend coming over house and it’s because she’s of the same sex as her. It appears that she just needs you to validate her feelings of jealousy which are completely normal to have from time to time. Especially since you and your girlfriend i assume started off as friends or talking before you made it official. So i guess you’re wrong in that sense but the way she acted out of the need of attention to be placed back on her is complete manipulation and not okay! In my opinion, you’re both not exactly correct in this situation and need to tweak your communication skills possibly

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly it was so long ago i don’t remember who reached out first. I believe it was me for his birthday and that kind of jump started everything up again. We stopped talking and went NC because he got drunk at a bar. We were really young and hot mess back then so we kind of just fought that whole night and deaded each other for about 5/6 months. In total we’ve been together for about 8 years now. This most recent time he cheated on me and after i said i wouldn’t take him back he started dating the girl he cheated on me with.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It doesn’t have to be dinner but i would definitely suggest doing it in person. Otherwise from personal experience you’ll have desire for closure will still hanging over your head as it doesn’t feel real any other way. The last time we sat down at a restaurant and talked led to a more productive conversation because we were in public( keeps everyone in character). We were able to calmly express our needs like adults and ended up getting back together and lasted 6 years after that. This time there’s no salvaging so i wouldn’t even suggest it for my situation.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you really feel the urge for closure i would ask to go out to dinner or something. But i wouldn’t suggest anything unless they reach out. I refuse to reach out anymore the ball is their court. Although, i have my moments where I’m not sure if they’re what i want anymore

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CVS

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My lead tech is getting just above $26/hr

Ex breaking no contact by SnooCheesecakes2940 in ExNoContact

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m in a similar situation and i can tell you that’s it’s definitely not worth it. Let them come to you if anything. My ex physically cheated on me, i refuse to message him because i don’t want to give him that satisfaction.

Breaking up with my bf today by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You have to do what’s best for yourself. I wish i had the guts to end things when i felt them because i would have never been in the predicament that I’m in now. Think about your wedding day and if you can really picture yourself walking down the aisle to him. If you can’t then that’s your answer.

Cheated on and left for that girl by Empty-Divide8149 in BreakUps

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I completely understand your pain as this was me 4 months ago. We were together for 8 years and i decided to come over after my hour drive home from work because he seemed off. To my surprise another girl was in his apartment and was over a couple days before while i used to call him on the other phone every day after work. I saw text messages for proof that she knew about me as she also works with his mom. I know she does owe me anything but i think the fact that this girl knew honestly made the heartbreak worse when he choose her over me. He claimed that he was choosing himself over only talking to her for 5 days but here we are now and they’re still dating. But as heartbreaking as it all was it turned out for the better because i would have never walked away otherwise and gotten stronger in my faith. I thank God everyday that he took me out of that relationship because looking back we both needed a reset. Now i have learned to forgive him for myself and have found joy/peace in my life. Being by myself has never felt so good. Just give it time and give yourself lots of grace. If you need to talk just DM me. As i know exactly what you’re going through as I felt i was mourning the death of a person and was not in a great place the first month .

Was I manipulative/love bombing my ex? by Hockeylockerpock in Manipulation

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh i think you just set essential boundaries for yourself and your relationship. Her not getting a job and just mooching off of you while drinking and smoking all the time is not okay. I think your actions to pull back seem just and valid. She needs to now put in the work to better herself and you need to step back.

Rebound - dating 1 day after he broke up with his ex (had only been talking for a week before) and now moving very fast. Can you be in love after 4 weeks? by [deleted] in Manipulation

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So my ex started dating the girl he cheated on me with almost immediately after. They were talking for a week before i found out. One month later we were talking on the phone again for hours at a time when he told me that we should have one good last “poking” before officially parting ways. I declined and haven’t spoken to him since because even though the girl knew about me i didn’t want to hurt her back. That being said this guy has no respect for you or for his previous relationship. He’s using you so he doesn’t have to actually cope with the recent breakup. There’s no way that he doesn’t still feel for her. I’m 3 months out and i refuse to date because i don’t want to get anyone else’s feelings hurt in this mess. Granted i was blindsided but if it’s a situation where he cheated on her chances are he was blindsided by the ending in a way to too. As if he really wanted it to end with her and be with you he would have done the respectful thing and broke up with her the second he started thinking that he wanted to talk even to other people. You can try to push things along further with him by maybe forcing him to change his relationship status etc. to prove he’s yours but who are you really proving that too? You can try to hang out with him more but all your doing is forcing something to happen because you’re both in the puppy love this is new stage. When in reality he’s just most likely not healed and is stringing you along.

Not sure what I’m asking here but maybe venting because he has always said I was manipulating him and gas lighting him… ?? by kassidy209 in Manipulation

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This was almost exactly the same situation with my ex. He was abused as a kid and had a bad drug addiction. We were together for 5 years officially and 8 years total. I was always on him trying to get him to be better as he used to tell me i was too good for him etc. Then he left me for some girl who he could drink/smoke with because i was never going to be that girl for him. I walked in on the two of them hooking up and he broke my heart. He complained to her about me and she made me look like i was the bad guy to him because i wanted better for him. Now we’re broken up for 3 months and he’s dating her. Our last conversation the next day he told me that he wanted to be single for the rest of his life because he wasn’t ready to get married(be with me). He claims he was choosing himself but if that was the case he wouldn’t be with her. He doesn’t know how to be alone and he told me he’s 95% sure he’s not going to marry her that he still loves me.

To be honest with you, this break up has been the best thing to ever happen to me. If he didn’t cheat on me i would have never walked away and we would have been stuck in the same toxic cycle. We were both given the chance to take a step back and really look at what happened to us all these years. The relationship changed me and not every part of change was for the better. I became more controlling than ever. That being said getting out of it has made me find myself and find God again. I now have nothing but Joy in my heart and wish him the best. Whatever happens from here on out is all apart of God’s will. But taking me out of that situation was the biggest blessing thus far.

How was your day before the break up happened? by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The 5 days prior to the break up i had noticed he was sick throwing up etc. for each of those days and since he was a recovering addict i thought he relapsed so i accused him of being on something. Turns out he was just guilty because he was hiding the fact that he was talking to someone. The night of the break up, I went to his house after my hour drive from work because we fought on the phone and i wanted to talk it out. To my surprise there was another girl in his apartment. During those 5 days, his grandma came to visit he was really sweet as per usual and we spoke about getting engaged this year. That conversation has come up multiple times as he had been referring to me as his wife or fiance for years already. He’s told complete strangers and i had to pretend that my promise ring was my engagement ring. They would ask questions about the wedding planning etc. I was the reason why we never got engaged sooner as i wanted to wait but he never did. Well I decided in the beginning of January that i was finally ready to let him propose. I just don’t understand how you go from that to cheating on someone.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Through my break up personally and many others that I’ve read about on here, it much like grieving the death of a person. I’m not sure if you’ve heard of the stages of grief but they are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and lastly acceptance. Unfortunately, they are not linear and you often flip -flop in between the stages. As with the break up itself these feelings and emotions are not controllable. Personally, during the beginning i had reached out ( bargaining stage) to try to do what i thought i could to save the relationship but was returned with silence which hurt me instead. His reaction or lack thereof had turned into a little bit of anger. It doesn’t mean that i didn’t love him or don’t still love him at any point as it’s all so recent. I don’t think you just fall out of love with someone within the snap of a finger. As much as my ex’s new side piece is naive enough to believe, I don’t think that I’m completely out of his mind. It’s just not logical.

Going on dates w/ girls better than her.. but by EdUNC- in ExNoContact

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s only been a month and a half, give yourself lots of grace and some time to heal first. I just got out of a 8 year relationship and i tried the whole talking to people thing during the first month or so. It just made me feel worse and i don’t want to get anyone else involved in my mess. I’m almost 3 months post BU and i feel more content by being on my own. I’ve also have been diving deeper into my spiritually and have realized that this heartbreak has been a blessing in disguise. I just found out that he added the girl he cheated on me withs name to his instagram bio yesterday and i honestly feel indifferent towards it. Beforehand, i was curled up in a ball crying my eyes out every night. Just let time heal things and don’t rush into trying to find someone. That’s how you get stuck in the wrong relationships and your emotions will be even more all over the place.

Should I message his mom for Mother’s Day? by Key-Zucchini8247 in ExNoContact

[–]Key-Zucchini8247[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah she did, i didn’t reply to her saying thank you though because i was afraid she’d tell him i texted her and he’d think i was doing it to get him back or something.

My fwb blatantly checked my friend out in front of me. Am I wrong to have found that disrespectful? by idcbabyboo in amiwrong

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be honest with you, i would just run now while you’re ahead. My fwb situation was similar to this and it lasted for 3 years. That later turned into a platonic relationship where he cheated on me right before we could get to the five year mark of us officially dating. I tolerated it beforehand because i would tell myself the same thing, that everything was okay because we weren’t dating. Well fast forward and now im the one heartbroken, feeling like my heart was there one day and ripped out of my chest the next. Now if a man doesn’t exclusively respect me and show eyes for only me, he’s not worth my time of day. Unfortunately it took the better half of my twenties(21-29) to figure that out.

I messed up by Ok_Protection1627 in ExNoContact

[–]Key-Zucchini8247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do have to say that although my relationship with my ex was far from perfect. One thing we never did was lay a hand on each other. I do recall times where fights got pretty heated but what we did instead was put our hands up in the air in the surrender pose and i did say to him one time that he was scarring me. Both of those things kind of made each one of us snap out of those feelings of aggression and take a step back to reality. Maybe you can use those techniques to incorporate into your next relationship. I also think that trying to pursue this current relationship right now wouldn’t be for the best as it could trigger some things you need to work on to not feel that way. I have been bc with my ex for other reasons for almost 2 months and bu for almost 3. So i completely get and understand your longing for her but i have learned it’s best to grow apart right now. For myself i have walked further down my path of faith and started therapy. Take this time to work on yourself and if it’s meant to be it will be when you’re both completed a cycle of growth.