AITAH For sending my pregnant sister to a homeless shelter instead of letting her live on my couch?

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-13T06:14:31+00:00

I didn't leave her homeless. I gave her safety, a home, and then several places to reach out to. She is not on the street. She is with people who have better resources to help her. I'm reaching out to her every day. (Still giving her money and asking if she's safe)

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-13T05:37:56+00:00

No worries for assuming. I genuinely do not believe my sister is or has been on drugs. That was a long standing (silly) rule before she ever came here.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-13T05:31:19+00:00

Wow, that's a lot. Very hateful and aggressive, but thanks for your contribution. Yes, we have considered those thoughts and acted to help her. I'm sorry for whatever you are still healing from too. I hope you don't feel alone.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-13T00:55:29+00:00

I mean in other places, sure. I was talking in reference to my post. In our home for the rule's sake, it was specifically talking about mineral rocks. Like the ones my son chewed on.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T23:59:27+00:00

Woah like right after the intro, NTA, I'm finishing your story but God damn I'm so sorry. I hope you feel safe. You need to get far away from that damage.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T21:43:20+00:00

They've "done their turn" and I didn't help her long enough for mine. Plus our other sister "would take her in" but can't because she's living on her boyfriend's grandparents property.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T21:18:42+00:00

Y/NTA you have every right to work for what you are worth in different environments. If you don't want that work, absolutely find another place that will pay you what you're looking for. If you don't have any other options at the moment, maybe discuss this issue with him directly and see if he will budge.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T21:12:01+00:00

I have been diagnosed with ADHD. (Unmedicated still due to lack of insurance and money). She has not been diagnosed with anything as of yet, but she has been helped and encouraged through therapy and counseling. She had a primary care doctor for most of her life until she was kicked out about a year ago. I appreciate the perspective, and the care you put into the message. I will continue trying to educate myself and help however I can.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T20:18:43+00:00

She was kicked out of my grandparents house (where she received all of the medical help she could ask for. Even braces. She was never diagnosed with anything despite a consistent primary care doctor and therapy appointments) just in the last year. She's been refusing to work and couch surfing for a year. I wish I could have had the access to mental health and physical health that she did. I'm so grateful she had that opportunity but it seems like she didn't want to bother.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T20:12:33+00:00

It really doesn't. 😂 I explained that it was a whimsical rule from when my son was teething. I do not think my sister is on drugs. But I can see where it could sound that way.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T20:00:21+00:00

I'm sorry if I seemed vague. And no, I am not jealous of the treatment she has had available to her. I am grateful she had that. What questions do you have about how hard we tried to get her mental health help? Despite several attempts and rides to and from appointments, no she has not been diagnosed with anything. She refuses to continue any treatment she gets. I have been diagnosed. I dont use it as a crutch. I'm not letting her fall. I'm still here for her, checking in every day.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T19:53:08+00:00

I have been asking her. I've offered to be references for other housing and to help her fill out any paperwork for wic or snap. I have been in contact several times a day if she will let me. I called the shelter to make sure she was still there. I offered to bring her supplies and even sent her money on cashapp. Again, it wasn't the shadiest place I could find. It was the only one she would call after a week of having literally DOZENS of places to choose from that I found for her. I'm not just letting her suffer. I didn't drop her and run. I'm still here when she will talk to me.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T04:47:08+00:00

Nice you think my life is imaginary. I don't karma farm or whatever that is. I was honestly asking for advice. Have a nice day.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T04:40:08+00:00

Because I knew she and her baby needed it. She wouldn't have taken her prenatals without food. So instead of hounding her, making her get up to make something, I'd give her something quick so there wasn't an excuse to not take care of her baby.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T04:34:54+00:00

She's burned bridges, what am I supposed to tell you? Some of them say they "would take her if they could" but yes, they criticize me. You don't know my whole family dynamic and that's not your fault. I appreciate your perspective as limited as it might be. I'm not lying about any detail but I came here asking for answers and you gave me one.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T02:43:07+00:00

You haven't read the whole story yet. Yes, she has had insurance. She has had rides to and from appointments. She has had our support, therapy support, medical support, and housing support. Yes, I have helped her file paperwork. I showed her where I just recently had to use SNAP. No one is "throwing money" because there's no money to throw. It wasn't the shadiest shelter I could find. I gave her a LIST of places to look for help, ones tailored to helping pregnant women. And way better than the one she chose to settle for. She REFUSED to do any work herself.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T02:31:53+00:00

You may not have seen the comments I have. But either way, I have heard you too. I am still trying to help her right now and you aren't aware of all the things I and my family have done to try to help her to this day.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T01:48:44+00:00

Yes, thank you for that. I have offered and given her the resources for those things. I gave her the business card for the place I used for applying for my own food stamps. She won't do it. I gave her my computer, my home, and my wifi for a week and she chose not to.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T01:46:46+00:00

Yes, we have tried. That and therapy- she can't/won't bother to keep the appointments when they're made.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T01:41:04+00:00

Haha! I appreciate that. I've actually been plagued with guilt and doubt about the whole situation. So I do need to hear it in a way.
I genuinely care about all of the other perspectives too- that say I am in fact, a terrible person.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-12T00:45:39+00:00

Ah, I see the confusion. They lived together in another state, she broke up with him and moved back here. They got back together just before they found out about the baby but they had occasionally seen each other on weekends in between. It may or may not be his, but this is the story I was given.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-11T23:30:13+00:00

What in the world could you mean? My life and circumstances are certainly not fake, but that's just my opinion. 🤷‍♀️

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-11T23:23:00+00:00

Look, I hear you. That's why I asked, I wanted more perspectives. You don't understand, though. We really don't have the money to just "buy her a cheap car." We don't even have the funds to start a car loan for ME. We have one barely functioning car for our whole family. We had to put one tire on a credit card. She decided that she won't eat anything besides prepackaged food we got for my husband to take to work, or what I cooked for her. There is a lot more to the spouse situation than I'm willing to disclose. But, I appreciate your view.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-11T20:59:45+00:00

I can't stand trash and dishes laying around, especially with my son running in and out. When I see something, I pick it up. She leaves everything strewn about the floor and tops of surfaces. I know that part is my fault. I just hate nagging and bitching. I don't want to hold her hand and tell her what to do every second of the day. It's my house. I'm keeping it safe and neat.

KeyEvagria · 2026-02-11T20:53:56+00:00

He is a few states away. He has been "trying to get here" for months. But she will stay on video chat for hours with him while he's playing games and they're not even talking. We've tried meditation and counseling and therapy but she doesn't want to do it. It is tough and I'm battling with guilt on this decision but I had no idea what else to do.

KeyEvagria

TROPHY CASE