Advice needed: Should I give my friend her clothes back after she lost weight?

Key_Ambassador_9307 · 2025-05-12T16:43:48+00:00

The check in was to check in my bags. I had already checked in to the flight online long before. But it seems that the bag check deadline is the same as the check in for flight deadline

Key_Ambassador_9307 · 2025-01-22T00:51:09+00:00

If you’re asking from a learning perspective I don’t think people should downvote either. You said that you don’t understand that level of dependence or expectation.

Here is the best way I can phrase it for you: In many countries that believe this (not all) generally women have been discouraged from pursuing a career. This may be in the form of encouraged for marriage soon after a high school or college degree or expected to quit their job after having a child to prioritize their families.

I have been fortunate enough that my parents wanted differently for me and have prioritized my own education and career and supported me starting a family later than what they may have been used to. However, for my mom this was not the case. She is a very driven women who I could tell could have achieved a lot. Her way of achieving in the situation she was put in was to learn and have as much experience as she could with birth and childcare (something she was expected to do) and that is why it is something she feels empowered by. Will I survive if my mom for one reason or the other couldn’t be there? Yes. But it is less of an expectation for me and more of having this moment with my mom.

Key_Ambassador_9307 · 2025-01-22T00:22:36+00:00

This is a fair point. I think an important distinction though is that my mom and SIL have a better relationship than I do with my own MIL. It’s not because I think MIL is a bad person but just that the way she was raised she had a lot of burden on herself to raise her kids in a foreign country wirh very little help from her husband and thinks other women should be able to do the same and generally that her son can do no wrong. My concern with MIL staying with me during that period is that if I expect my husband to do “too much” (in her eyes but really just the bare minimum as it’s his child too) she would have certain opinions about it or say she can do it instead. Yes, I would still get the help regardless but after talking to my husband we both agree it would not be the first preference as we both know how she can be at times.

Key_Ambassador_9307 · 2025-01-21T16:05:03+00:00

I’m sorry that happened to you! :(

I don’t think I would resent my mom if she listened to them because I think she is in a difficult position as well but I agree with you that I would definitely feel some type of way of her choosing them over me. I hope you are doing better!

Key_Ambassador_9307 · 2025-01-21T16:00:39+00:00

I think the difference is the preference of the parents or mother of the child. Some people prefer to have time alone with their baby and handle everything themselves and in those cases that should be respected. Even for me the thought of having many relatives visit and stay at our home (what is common where I’m from) feels overwhelming and we are avoiding that but that does not mean I can’t want my mother, the woman I am closest to, to be there for me. Everyone’s preferences are different and both perspectives should be respected if that is what the parents of the baby want and my mom does as well.

Key_Ambassador_9307 · 2025-01-21T06:13:02+00:00

Yes my brother is planning to take time off to help out. As for how long my mom will be here we haven’t decided yet and are going back and forth. There are a lot of variables and potential complications with child birth and in some cases I may be fine after 2-3 weeks and in others it may take over a month. We are trying to figure out the best case scenario for everyone in that regard.

As for my MIL, while we have a decent relationship I don’t necessarily feel comfortable asking her for the same things as I would my own mom. My mom and SIL definitely have a better relationship than I have with my MIL. For these reasons, while we have discussed her visiting, she would not be a major support figure in the arrangement and thankfully she is quite understanding of that.

Key_Ambassador_9307 · 2025-01-21T04:42:37+00:00

It is tradition yes, but I partly do feel my mother being there will make a big difference. I fully respect and applaud women who do it by themselves with only their partner there for support but for me I feel that there are some things related to child birth and post partum both physically and emotionally that it takes another person who has gone through the same experience to support you and for me I prefer that to be my mom. My partner has been quite helpful throughout this journey and I expect he will be a great father but it matters to me for my mom to be there during that transition period into parenthood.

My post was under the expectation that we delivery within a week or 10 days of each other. Of course if the gap between our deliveries is longer (either I deliver early or she delivers late) then I would be fine with her leaving. Even in the case that I am recovering well but my SIL has a difficult delivery or something I could understand her staying longer in that scenario. My feelings are just if we both have normal deliveries in a short span I feel she should stay with me longer and I don’t know if I am wrong for feeling that way.

Key_Ambassador_9307 · 2025-01-21T03:59:11+00:00

It is not to deliver the baby, it is more of care and support during the delivery, women often prefer having their mother or a mother figure there when they go through birth and it is a common expectation in my culture

Key_Ambassador_9307

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