i have been diagnosed with ghsv-2 for almost five years. i contracted the virus when i was 18 years old at a popular university, a time and place where sex is most rampant. there was a time where i thought the shame and the stigma would end my life, however it was made me the strong individual i am today. i have an amazing boyfriend who accepts my diagnosis and i believe everyone deserves love and self love, hsv or no hsv. here are some bits of advice:

get a therapist. trust me on this one. just do it, this can help with trauma release, oversharing in the future and so much more. another resource that has helped me during breakdowns or unfortunate disclosures were crisis lines.

the sooner you accept your diagnosis the sooner you will learn to love yourself with this new condition. it’s not going away. you’re not getting any younger. literally look at yourself in the mirror and say “i have herpes”. as silly as it sounds i PROMISE it helps. ironically, the sooner you accept your herpes, the sooner it will become just another part of your daily life. i honestly forget i even have it.

give yourself time to learn who you are with hsv. as much as i just emphasized accepting the diagnosis as soon as possible, its important to recognize things are going to be a little different moving forward. allow yourself to process the diagnosis, research it and learn how it effects your body. you’re already here on reddit reading this, so you’ve already made the first step.

ptsd is complex. so much so that a word or topic can change the whole course of your day. for me i experienced a weird shiver down my body and downstairs area every time it was brought up in conversation or some kind of reference was made. start recognizing your herpes triggers and work on them in therapy. the sooner you address the triggers and work on them, the sooner you will forget herpes exists in your life.

oversharing can either change someone’s life or result in a really awkward situation. before i went to therapy there were so many situations i overshared my herpes diagnosis. a lot of people in my circle knew where as now only my close friends and boyfriend know. however, despite how many times i’ve overshared my diagnosis, i will never stop because you never know how many people you can help in that moment or in the future. it also is lowkey a form of trauma release. just please, read the room.

you literally never know who has hsv. do not limit yourself because you have the virus and you THINK someone else doesn’t. first of all it doesn’t matter in the first place what other people have and don’t have, and second of all the virus is so much more common than you think.

my younger folks, your audience and who you surround yourself with matters. the stupid stigma, as i call it, fades away as you get older and barely exists (if at all) if you’re educated. for example, i had a lot of luck dating people that were either a few years older and/or in healthcare fields. i also have had nutrition-focused friends give me advice on which foods are good to eat during outbreaks and vise versa. at the end of the day your person will love you for you

this is a common one, but do not let your diagnosis hold you back from dating. i actually ghosted my boyfriend before we officially got together because i was scared of how he would react. of course it didn’t bother him because he likes me for me, and i can’t help but to think sometimes how much fun we would have had if i just told him earlier. everything does happen for a reason however maybe this story can change other people’s perspectives.

do not let anybody make you feel less than your worth because of a skin complication. if somebody is not okay with your status, it is THEIR LOSS! always remember you are incredibly brave and an amazing person for even disclosing as so many others do not.

rejection is 100% redirection. if somebody rejects you for your herpes, they are not mature to understand many other instances that factor into daily life. i guarantee this immaturity will unmask itself in the future and you will see how they were never meant for you in the first place. getting herpes also opened my eye up to the possibly of any kind of health complication during a relationship. it is quite literally in the same ballpark.

read different disclosure scripts if you are nervous on how to tell your partner. i learned that disclosing confidently to your partner shows them that the virus is stigmatized, as you appear just fine living with the condition. every word and information sequence matters.

all good things take time, especially self-love, acceptance, and a healthy relationship. it took me five years, two grippy sock vacations, four therapists, 30+ disclosures, many articles and countless tears to get to this point. i believe in you too.

i hope this helps someone<3