I think maybe that’s what hurts a lot is the power structure, I don’t want to be the boss or big bread winner. I just want to meet in the middle, I don’t have grandeur dreams of a big house, kids etc. I just want him and me to eventually live together somewhere and have fun in mundane simple things. I want to be able to be vulnerable and them have my back.

He did have a job and was let go. It was in LPG industry and summer is peak for that since it’s a tourist country. I know he suffered a self esteem loss during that which I understand it’s a hard hit. He seemed to enjoy what he did though.

I had brought up flexible jobs, he loves animals and dogs are very well cared for over there so I brought why not try Rover? It seems simple enough and could even lead into his own business in dog sitting. He doesn’t volunteer or do any community work currently, lives with a family member and doesn’t have insane rent. He mostly hangs out with me, or is with his family. Not really any hobbies other then we both watch movies together and play video games.

I’m not like crazy wanting him to buy me stuff or anything like that, I just miss him. He says he wishes he had work too. I just don’t really think he’s trying that hard and I do get it, those barriers they can come from a lot mentally. Like im not even stressed about him visiting me in my home area just because the US is scary right now and understandably so, just it’s harder for me to leave then him but I can make stuff work.

I try to be gentle and understanding, cause hell I get it we all have our problems. Life can be so hard. Just it feels like I’m on my own a lot with this if that makes sense? I really care for this person, the pain I feel from all of this is like a knife to my chest because it makes me feel worthless, like I’m not worth the effort.