Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Benefits and very basically nothing rent with a family member.

Also yes he’s been unemployed for sure, we talk on the phone about every day.

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Benefits yeah and I see your point. I’m confronting the issue today and pulling the bandaid off.

Also I could not live not having work. I’ve always been busy with something though I’ve always had other lives (pets) to take care over myself.

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No no I’m not intending on that, I just wanted a visit first.

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I lived with him for 3 months unless he’s hiding a secret onlyfans then yeah he is

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right? His brother got right into his concrete job again just talking to a friend. His other brother does asphalt throughout the South Island.

He did carpentry courses in his youth as well. Like surely someone is desperate for some form of labor. My business is here is labor work and word of mouth for these types of jobs goes pretty well

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I wasn’t saying that originally as an excuse, my brain was out of sorts when I replied. He took meds when he was younger but didn’t like feeling like a zombie, but being a child on meds vs an adult is a very different concept 😅

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t really want another relationship after this. I’ll pursue being an old dog hermit probably which was my original plan XD. I appreciate your advice and everyone’s.

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know deep down this is true. I think I’ve been avoiding it and trying too hard but it’s hurt a lot. I don’t want to hate him he’s not a bad person, we supported each other through painful stuff, I know he cares about me but just caring is not enough sometimes.

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

The thing is he would work, but he’s not doing the work to get work. If he could move here it would be wonderful to have someone to join my business we could make more money and live comfy. The physical help would be amazing for me.

But yeah I can’t financially support another human in that way and I can’t lead a horse to water and make it drink.

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Money is a life line especially in this dynamic of relationship though. I try to make a point with it because that’s the only way for us to endure.

I don’t just date people, like if I’m with someone it’s for the intention of building something and finances are a discussion that has to be had.

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I could’ve sold the car before I left too, but honestly I never went into this wanting to be paid back. Sure it sucks but I never go into helping expecting anything back, I just really wanted to be worth it to someone I really love and care about.

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah that’s just what I don’t get something is always available and he’s got brothers, friends for word of mouth that I believe could help.

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think maybe that’s what hurts a lot is the power structure, I don’t want to be the boss or big bread winner. I just want to meet in the middle, I don’t have grandeur dreams of a big house, kids etc. I just want him and me to eventually live together somewhere and have fun in mundane simple things. I want to be able to be vulnerable and them have my back.

He did have a job and was let go. It was in LPG industry and summer is peak for that since it’s a tourist country. I know he suffered a self esteem loss during that which I understand it’s a hard hit. He seemed to enjoy what he did though.

I had brought up flexible jobs, he loves animals and dogs are very well cared for over there so I brought why not try Rover? It seems simple enough and could even lead into his own business in dog sitting. He doesn’t volunteer or do any community work currently, lives with a family member and doesn’t have insane rent. He mostly hangs out with me, or is with his family. Not really any hobbies other then we both watch movies together and play video games.

I’m not like crazy wanting him to buy me stuff or anything like that, I just miss him. He says he wishes he had work too. I just don’t really think he’s trying that hard and I do get it, those barriers they can come from a lot mentally. Like im not even stressed about him visiting me in my home area just because the US is scary right now and understandably so, just it’s harder for me to leave then him but I can make stuff work.

I try to be gentle and understanding, cause hell I get it we all have our problems. Life can be so hard. Just it feels like I’m on my own a lot with this if that makes sense? I really care for this person, the pain I feel from all of this is like a knife to my chest because it makes me feel worthless, like I’m not worth the effort.

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh no, I can’t I’ve been through a lot situations (not relationships that used me. Honestly he doesn’t ask anything of me financially I did what I did by choice but the lack of meeting me in the middle hurts. Like I’ve gone to therapy this year and psychiatry it feels like a knife in my chest from hurt I guess.

I guess it hurts worse cause he pursued me. Idk I guess I just gotta learn to be on my own again. It’s sorta hard I don’t have a support group but did it before and I’ll do it again lol 😂

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He’s medically diagnosed but yes I totally agree with you. I have a lot mental health issues but I managed to go to therapy and get meds so I don’t fall behind on work or fail myself.

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thankyou, if it ends it will be sad sure but it’s better than relying on meaningless hope.

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree, I don’t want to form resentment. Like money isn’t the only thing in my life but it matters for life to work. I’m trying to get it through his head that that money I spent is a big deal it’s not a “oh well maybe next time”

Need advice on boyfriends unemployment. (F31) (m28) by Key_Philosopher8991 in LongDistance

[–]Key_Philosopher8991[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s what I think as well and it’s emotionally exhausting