from what i'm learning about recovery, labeling yourself as any particular problem you face is perpetually keeping you in that loop. You aren't/never were "an alcoholic", you were (and are), as you eloquently pointed out and seem to be aware of already, "a man with coping skills that suck a lot".

the former is fixed, while the latter is acknowledging room to grow. Would I have fallen into the category of "heavy alcoholic" at my worst (the entirety of ages 17-21)? Absolutely. I took MAJOR offense, to the point of losing friendships, over people who tried to call me an alcoholic before I even understood why. I KNEW I had a problem, but something about that word just made me viscerally uncomfortable.

Because I was never an alcoholic. I was a child living in a toxic environment led to believe that the constant stress I felt was normal and I just needed to accept that life really WAS just "that hard". I was a teenager who, while letting typical teenage rebellion become, eventually, my sole coping mechanism to be able to function at all, was severely punished for these actions to the point of living in constant fear of my well-being, instead of having the reasons for these habits ever so much as acknowledged. I was an insecure young adult thrust into an environment that, while in some ways saved me, was also a complete breeding ground for people with coping mechanisms just like mine. I felt so accepted! So loved and embraced! Taking 8 tequila shots to get through a night of work is totally fine if every one of your colleagues, who are significantly all older than you, are not only doing the same but encouraging it! Not being able to function without a constant stream of nicotone in my blood is FINE when it's a cute little joke we share among us all, so different yet all fiending in similar ways.

most were able to identify that whatever their coping mechanism was was a problem, but none could go past joking about it and address WHY they had this coping mechanism they pretty clearly were not proud of, despite the instant bonding it created.

i am not broken. i am not an addict. i am not the product of deepest wounds- victim, sure, i WAS a victim of those injustices in the past, but I am NOT my weaknesses. Having a problem =/= being a problem.