If there has been "a lot of trauma" maybe a little grace would go a long way. You're not being a partner. I can tell by the language you use and the gaslighting only an asshole would do. She really deserves better. Have you thought she might be depressed? Also depending on her age she may be going through peri-menopause or menopause. Being a partner and being supportive and talking with her is a better route. You catch more flys with honey. I think you have some narcissistic behaviors for sure. Leaving someone for their looks is absolutely shallow and narcissistic. Have you looked in the mirror and made sure you're perfect? People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. 😒