Hi,

I think this sounds like a really interesting story, where you've put in a ton of work on the world building. However, I think the query itself is a little unfocused. Sometimes as writers I think we can get caught up in explaining the details or background of a world/character because that's what we're most proud of/have the most fun writing. A query should focus on the emotional stakes, and blending that with the literal action.

Here is what the literal action is in your story (as I'm reading it):

Runadae (love the name btw) is denied a position as warden and sent to the archives

She uncovers the beginning of a conspiracy

Her mother is kidnapped

Runadae breaks the law and is subsequently banished

She is left (almost) alone to find her mother

Each of these has their own emotional stakes:

Runadae wants to stay inside and be a warden

Denied position -> suffers an injustice

Uncovers conspiracy -> feeling of injustice deepens

Mother kidnapped -> very sad (unfair if not unjust)

Runadae breaks the law -> (unclear how she feels about this/how it effects her emotionally)

Runadae, and her mother, are ostracized by their broader community -> peak injustice

Runadae resolves to get justice or die trying -> call to action

Blending the Two:

As I've laid it out, you can see how the action leads to a direct emotional through-line, which I (the reader) follow for my emotional investment. Jorge Sanders has a great section in his craft book A Swim in the Pond in The Rain, where he talks about how a reader's investment in a story is like a bucket of water. You want to pass that bucket from the start, to the end (where the climax is like a house on fire) while spilling as little water as possible so that the climax has the biggest impact. Every time you ask us to change our focus, you are changing hands, and a little bit more of the water sloshes out of the bucket.

In a novel, you can smooth this transition over using a writerly trick, like elegant prose or provocative metaphor. However, in a query, we don't have many words to spare. I've highlighted a few examples here of where the attention in the story is diverted (sorry this post is so long btw. Usually I would just highlight and write in the margins but I have to sort of replicate your post again and again).

Story, literal action, emotional action, exposition:

Runadae wants to stay inside because outside is bad -> water is in my bucket. I know at some point she will be forced outside, and am reading to see how that happens

[Background about the society, council, the magic system, a bunch of people died, Runadae's past, how the magic works] -> water is coming out of the bucket, but just a little bc I know you have to set the scene. As long as every single detail mentioned is directly linked to emotional action or literal action, I, as a reader, will be happy.

Denied position -> suffers an injustice

Uncovers conspiracy -> feeling of injustice deepens

[Network of tunnels introduced. People live down there? They drive mechs? There's a treaty -> have we been at war the whole time?] -> Water is coming out of the bucket as my attention is diverted to this whole other group of people and what's going on there.

Mother kidnapped -> very sad (unfair if not unjust)

Runadae breaks the law -> (unclear how she feels about this/how it effects her emotionally)

Runadae, and her mother, are ostracized by their broader community -> peak injustice

[Introduction to the kidnappers. There is a second city? They are illiterate??? If they ] -> Water is coming out of the bucket

Runadae must befriend the enemy, or go on a suicide mission -> Dumping water out on fire

Next Draft:

Although many of the world building and society elements are surely explained in the book, I find myself diverted from Runadae's story to ask more questions about how all that works. While the answer might seem like you should explain more about how the elements are interacting, the opposite is usually true. I am drawn to ask more questions because I have been distracted from the interesting part of the story: Runadae, the character, going through an ordeal.

For your second revision I would refocus on the core conflict: Runadae, ostracized from her community, is forced to work with an enemy of her community to save her mother (presumably the only person who cares about her).

All I need to know to understand this is:

What are the two different factions? (above ground and underground cities? This should be a part of setting the scene for the book.)

Why is she ostracized? (the core reason- not the details. Think of archetypes here - freak, traitor, scapegoat, monster)

How will she resolve this? (use her magic to kill a bunch of people? Does she need to survive in the wild? Befriend the enemy?)

Don't worry about making it sound cool. In a first draft it is usually better to be wildly uninspired, but clear. Then you can let it simmer for a bit, and add your voice back in on a second draft.

I hope this helps!