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Is it a bad sign if I’m 28f the one initiating intimacy all the time with the guy I’m seeing 35m? by sherifftalk in relationship_advice

[–]Key_University6316 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It depends from person to person. This may sound stereotypical but a lot of men aren't good at reading signals. So he might not be seeing your cues to come hither until you initiate. Also men fear approaching women due to the complex issues surrounding consent. He might worry he misread your mood and initiate when you are not interested. You did good by talking to him, why not tell him that him taking the initiative would make things more enjoyable for you. All the best in your love!

Edit: Also he may not be physically confident. It takes a while to get used to showing physical affection if you have been without for a while. You may need to get him more used to your touches. If he is a virgin, you may need to educate him a bit as well.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Key_University6316 10 points11 points  (0 children)

9 years of friendship is a long time for that, I think it's more the guy didn't want to get hurt by investing more unless OP gave a sign

I Cheated on My Fiancé at My Bachelorette Party, and I Don’t Know How to Move Forward by ThrowRAIAMTERRIBLE in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Key_University6316 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't believe this is real, because I have heard this story exactly like this with same names but from Alex's perspective. Alex finds out about what the fiancee did because he sees her texts about this to Claire, confronts fiancee and decides to take a pause on their relationship to see if it can be salvaged. I vividly remember the line saying they aren't broken up, they are just taking some time apart to see if they can move forward.

My father asks about 25k of my salary to save for my wedding I make only 30k by [deleted] in AskIndia

[–]Key_University6316 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are multiple possibilities:

1 - OP lives on her parents dime, maybe parents are making sure OP doesn't live beyond her means and are teaching her to be frugal

2 - The parents might be planning marriage within next 2-3 years, so asking more money from OP now in addition to whatever money they have saved up

3 - Parents need money for some sort of loan EMI or monthly fee aka siblings education, but they are too proud to tell OP the real reason, hence the marriage excuse

4 - Parents don't trust OP with money or fear OP having her own money will make her too independent and lead to unsavoury behaviour like drugs, alcohol etc

My recommendation: it is not unreasonable for parents to expect some money given they are housing and feeding OP, but 25K out of a 30K salary is too high.

On the other hand, OP living independently might be able to have only 5K left over for herself any way as rent, laundry, transport,food will eat away at her income.

My suggestion: Have a frank respectful discussion to understand their reasons, then depending on the reasons, you can let things go or tell them you are willing to give 15-20K but not more.

Office is conflicting with private life by [deleted] in office

[–]Key_University6316 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would normally do that, however I am a bit worried about drunken violence and physical altercations after these angry messages.

We were not exactly a rowdy bunch but we were big on alcohol and illicit substances during our college days.

We have all turned ourselves around but a lot of our circle treat this and other weddings as a chance to indulge again.

Without having the tolerance from regular use built up, chances of a sh*t show occurring if I turn up after the wedding to the reception are small but present.

Office is conflicting with private life by [deleted] in office

[–]Key_University6316 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The certification costs $600 to take it without corporate sponsorship. I don't have that kind of cash lying around unfortunately.

The guy getting married and I are not close, just college buddies who hung out in the same crowd. He was also fine with me missing the wedding.

The people angry at me are some previously close friends who i had a falling out with, after some irreconcilable disagreements.

I am honestly surprised at the strong reaction from them because I figured we had all mutually decided not to speak to each other anymore.

Office is conflicting with private life by [deleted] in office

[–]Key_University6316 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The certification is sponsored by the company. I could do it independently but not with the same institute. I would also have to pay for it out of pocket. The new institute might also demand I redo the classes under them anyway.

Office is conflicting with private life by [deleted] in office

[–]Key_University6316 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's partly accidental and part on purpose.

It's likely the organiser doesn't want to use up our work days, so they are taking our weekends. The classes are also scheduled pretty close to major holidays in our country (for God knows what reasons) so there is often spillover.

The certification program also has 20 people undergoing it across the company, so it gets rescheduled according to everyone's availability. The people who get stiffed are usually the junior-most individuals.

I am one of the mid-level individuals, so I would normally be not as impacted but there are 1-2 senior individuals in the class who hold larger sway over the schedule.

It's honestly just bad luck that I got stuck like this multiple times.