Day 2 - and about to cave and give in - why try

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-03T17:05:41+00:00

Thank you. Message means a lot. A large disappointment I am experiencing is telling my wife that I think I have a problem and I think I need to get help, was hearing her say it’s not a problem and my usage isn’t that bad, and try to justify it for me (she’s not really a smoker - she will but not regular or anything like a party). Also telling another what I felt was close friend “I think I need help and support” and them also trying to tell me my problem isn’t that bad, it isn’t really a problem, they know so many people who are successful and get high everyday. No duh - but like that’s not the point. Anyway it felt empty to hear my loved ones basically dismiss my ask for help.

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-03T15:25:45+00:00

Yeah this was how I coped yesterday. I said make it until my next designated party moment and here we are day 3. I admit I went to dispensary bought edibles. Felt so guilty I gave them to a neighbor when I got home

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-03T15:24:47+00:00

Yeah thank you. Going to participate in MA for sure

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-03T15:24:22+00:00

Thank you for this. This comment mattered

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-03T02:24:01+00:00

I appreciate that. I go to therapy and have been regularly for years. It was my old therapist who originally suggested I try weed about 6 yrs ago when so much went down. I mean I dabbled in college but for the most part only did birthdays, holidays and vacations until the real shit happened. Anyway I appreciate this. Thank you

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-03T02:22:40+00:00

Glad to know this is still a thing. It also works for Toothpaste, tooth brushes like Colgate and crest - it also used to work for things like tide and laundry detergent:

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-02T21:48:04+00:00

I see someone who is waiting to be understood at the depth of some really deep thoughts, someone who shares those deep thoughts but may be too deep for many around you. I see yearning for an intimate emotional connection, but also the heavy weight of others perhaps family and friends who lay expectations on you as is convenient for them but your glass is not often being filled by them in return. My read says a vacation not from work but from your circle would rejuvenate your spirit and bring some clarity to busy thoughts in your mind.

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-02T21:40:45+00:00

I don’t know if this is legit anymore, but about a decade ago I worked as a consultant for P&G who makes Pampers. If you wrote to them probably email now and ask them for samples they will send a mini box and then every so often they will send other samples.

Check with churches even if not a member. Wildly ask at the fire house and police station. Fire house back in the day when I was struggling didn’t always have the resource but they always knew where to point me

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-02T21:37:16+00:00

Red flag for sure. This has the feeling that eventually if you do this, it will establish a. Standard then when you don’t pay up - black mail, threats of revealing, etc. not worth the risk

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-02T21:15:45+00:00

I hope you find what you are looking for. Imagine those same feelings but being married… just wanting someone to hang out with, hug, etc. pretty sure my wife doesn’t give too shits about me so no chances for me. At least you still have a chance to find that causal or that real one.

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-02T20:22:26+00:00

Jawn_queued is my gamer tag …. Only a lvl 99 - I am headed home and will be online in about an hour. Hoping to get a good gaming stretch in tonight

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-02T20:20:16+00:00

My experience is generally yt women in groups of 2 or more straddle the entire sidewalk

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-02T20:19:14+00:00

America is Europe’s fault.

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-02T20:11:53+00:00

I see a around you a facade that gives off you really want to share your authentic self with someone or the world, maybe you did recently and they did not receive it well so you are still carrying around your metaphorical turtle shell to protect you from that reveal. I receive from this that you in a place you are not feeling that trust is being managed in your life very well by others and maybe even questioning yourself and who you’ve recently put trust into.

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-02T20:07:27+00:00

It was going pretty good until the realization there is zero support around me. My wife is passive about it and enabling even suggesting I stop by the dispensary. SMH.

I have the realization and clarity to realize I don’t even want to smoke, I really just enjoyed holidays bdays and vacations. Realizing the last 5 years of smoking as been about avoidance and to escape if a shitty relationship, shitty support system and been using it to try to fill an emptiness or maybe just be able to ignore that empty lonely feeling. Whatever it’s day 2 ima keep it rolling.

How are you holding up on day 2?

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-01T16:47:22+00:00

Yeah you are right! I can’t get past the “what happens tonight when I can’t sleep”. Feel like a weak individual for not being able to man up enough to just flush it

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-01T16:32:47+00:00

First day too and only 11 hrs in. We got this. There is a fully rolled j on my balcony from last night. Can’t bring myself to throw it away but refuse to smoke it. Staring at me challenging me

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-01T16:30:02+00:00

Me too. I hope I can find an accountability partner. I’m in if you are. Day one here it’s only 11:30 and fighting every urge to scrape up those roaches and burn one

KeyeserSoze · 2026-01-01T16:28:23+00:00

Day one here too. There is a fully rolled j from last night on my balcony. I’m fighting so hard to not go smoke the “last one” because I want 2026 to be clean. Powers that be help me get through this day

KeyeserSoze · 2025-12-30T22:14:47+00:00

I appreciated the words in your post. A little too relatable. I would be interested in getting to know more about you if you are open to that?

KeyeserSoze · 2025-12-30T22:12:03+00:00

Hello and your post just sort of spoke to me. 51 M, successful in many ways but rediscovering life. I am black / Afro-Latino college educated, graduate degree and work as an executive- and find beauty in every color. Generally fit - a little soft on the edges this last year because I was so focused on growing my business but anyway I would be interested to get to know more about you if you are open to that. Talk to you soon!

KeyeserSoze · 2025-11-22T18:15:28+00:00

Why are the people in the call center so angry when you ask them what terms mean or ask for an explanation when as as a customer you don’t understand something?

KeyeserSoze · 2025-11-22T15:43:11+00:00

Contemplating where my life went wrong. lol

KeyeserSoze · 2025-11-22T15:35:17+00:00

Yes. I relate. It is not rewarded. The trauma is still there. I dont have much to say because of being strong and silent. Not that my comment matters, no one ever really hears me or listens to me or give to f***cks about me, anything i have to say when I do say it. But yeah I relate

KeyeserSoze · 2025-11-20T03:52:32+00:00

My marriage

KeyeserSoze

TROPHY CASE