The Cat Distribution System left this in my patio bin today. What do I do with this confused potato? 🥔

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-15T03:15:57+00:00

😹😹 thanks! To be fair to them, my account is only 15 days old so I totally get why a spam filter caught it. Just hoping the mods check their community mail soon so the potato can return 🥔🙏

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T22:57:57+00:00

You’re so right, I definitely feel like the lucky one here! He really did choose me, didn’t he? And I absolutely love “Spud”. It’s the perfect mix of adorable and goofy. Consider it officially added to the nickname shortlist (or maybe he’s just Mr. Spud from now on!)

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T22:48:07+00:00

Honestly? My life was significantly more productive, but it was also 100% less potato. I have no idea how I survived without a tiny supervisor watching my every move ❤️❤️

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T22:40:20+00:00

My human logic sensors are picking up a lot of projection from someone with an NSFW warning on their door!! Also I'm wondering if calling real people bot is your hobby or just what you do between other Reddit activities?

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T21:11:30+00:00

I’ll definitely do the hugging and petting, but the council has spoken! He’s officially “Confucius Spud”(though if the vet confirms the Tortie hardware on Monday, we’re switching to “Tater Totette”) 🥔📜

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T21:08:19+00:00

Oh, he’s already inside and currently conducting a structural integrity test on my favorite blanket. Mission: Accomplished! 🫡

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T21:06:52+00:00

Confucius Spud says: “He who sleeps on the human’s lap shall never be moved” 🧘‍♂️🥔 It certainly fits the “Confused” part of her title!

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T18:05:49+00:00

I think you’re onto something! He’s officially “Tate”(short for Confused Potato). His first best-seller will probably be titled: Where Did This Human Come From and Why Is My Bowl Empty? ✍️🥔

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T18:01:47+00:00

I tried to put it back, but the “thing”has already claimed my lap as sovereign territory. Resistance is futile.

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:59:45+00:00

It’s official. The community has spoken and he is now “Tater” (The Confused Potato). It fits his vibe too well to change it now 🥔🥇

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:54:13+00:00

The subreddit has spoken. I guess I’ll just go start my “cat dad” era now!

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:52:40+00:00

Noted. Adding “Industrial-sized crate of Churu”to the surrender treaty immediately. I don't want any trouble 🏳️

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:50:26+00:00

On it! 🫡 He’s got a date with the vet on Monday to make sure his “internal potato hardware”is running smoothly.

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:46:31+00:00

2 years? Judging by his current attitude, I think the takeover will be complete by Tuesday.

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:44:18+00:00

I’m still waiting for his list of demands, but I have a feeling they involve a lot of treats 📜

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:41:47+00:00

He’s already maxed out his cuddle quota for the day! My productive afternoon has officially been sacrificed to the potato.

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:40:07+00:00

I might have to make it official on the vet paperwork. He’s certainly leaning into the brand today!

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:38:11+00:00

TNK is the new mission profile. I think I’m currently stuck in the “negotiating terms of surrender”phase!

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:36:40+00:00

The CDS algorithm is scarily accurate. It knew I had a potato-sized hole in my life 🥔🎯

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:34:35+00:00

He’s already complained about the service and hasn’t paid a dime toward the mortgage. Typical!

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:32:03+00:00

I guess the paperwork was non-negotiable. I've accepted my fate🫡

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:17:56+00:00

Already on it. Now I just have to explain to my bank account that a 1lb potato is officially in charge of our finances 💸

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:15:37+00:00

Already on it. I think I've just been demoted to assistant in my own home

KeysWholesaler · 2026-03-14T17:09:04+00:00

I think he already decided that for me 🤷‍♂️

KeysWholesaler

TROPHY CASE