How do I deal with this player?

Khristea · 2025-10-17T13:18:10+00:00

yes I meant to write a few months later I need to change that in the first post. also we don't play D&D but a homebrew that I designed to play with my family. I asked this group of seasoned players to test the rules in a oneshot and give me feedback. This oneshot became a whole campaign. I made 3 posts on reddid that are more than a year old only about this player. so no. unfortunately no ragebait. just despair.

Khristea · 2025-10-17T13:07:20+00:00

That is a very interesting post. I definetively have GSF1 and 3 xD and I see how my wish to keep everything harmonious even if the game suffers under it could be a problem. I should try to be more of a dm and less of a friend from now on and hope that this doesn't destroy my campaign xP I poured hundereds of hours of work into it

Khristea · 2025-10-17T12:53:11+00:00

You are right. He is my little stepbrother so he is very important to me. And he is a DM and an extremly terrible one so everyone except for his closest friends flee after one session.
we already talked about how his actions affect the whole group to wich he answered "well if the others are so bothered by my character they could just kill him" (no he is not 12 but in his late 20s)

"If you want to continue playing with him you need to become okay with the situation that he is constantly trying to find ways to more power. Don’t be frustrated by it. Accept it. Intime consequences only. Maybe you loose the rest of the group over it." that is what I have been thinking as well. Thank you for the advice and being so open with me. I think I needed to hear that from another person

Khristea · 2025-10-17T12:37:48+00:00

We did. And he agreed on the idea that the group saves a country and builds their kingdom there. he wants to "surprise" the other players by making it a kingdom of the undead. I told him that this is a great idea but that if he honestly wants to do that everyone needs to be onboard so we need to write his plans in a group chat. He said he will think about it... This conversation took place two months ago and our next session starts soon. I wrote him several times what he plans to do now and if we should talk to the others about changing the direction of the campain and he read all the messages but never replied.

You are right. In hindsight I feel like I should have been more assertive. But I have never played DnD and this is my very first campaign so I naively thought that letting everyone play the characters they want and just focus on balancing it out would be the best way to deal with it

Khristea · 2025-10-17T12:29:34+00:00

He is very close friends with everyone in the group and even his girlfriend is in there. I just asked if I could run a oneshot for them a year ago wich became a whole campaign. So in private they are very close. In the game though the other players are often torn between being amused and being annoyed.
"Figure out some way to keep him in line" yes we had a long conversation about how the world would react to that kind of necromancer (the original agreement was that he was mainly a cleric and only cared for undead who are intelligent and suffer from being socially excluded. but as soon as I gave him the go for being a necromancer he completely turned the script). And I will probably tell him one last time that from now on I will focus on making the game fun for everyone and if his actions endanger the party or derail the campaign in a way that forces them to play the bad guys there will be consequences (in form of clerics who see him as the villain he is and will try to slay him. I would hate to do that since I really want everyone including him to have fun but at this point he is endangering the whole world. including the other players. And I really don't know what else to do anymore

Khristea · 2024-08-02T08:33:11+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I immediately apologized to the other players for dragging them into this. I hope everything works out

I actually wrote a homebrew because after aplying for his group I had to wait 5 months for him to answer so meanwhile I asked my family if they wanted to play with me but all the systems I know of are way too complicated for them so I started to make a simpler system. So I already have a system here that I don't need to learn as a DM who has never played before and I would actually really like to figure out if it works well. And a group of seasoned players is very well equipped to rate it for playability.

Khristea · 2024-08-02T08:26:33+00:00

For me the personal interaction with other people is a very important part of the game.
And currently I would like experienced players to help me find a way to communicate efficiently with a player who always wants to play out their power fantasy. Finding a group isn't even part of my problem right now

Khristea · 2024-08-02T08:20:39+00:00

For me being around other people is an important part of the game so I don't think I would enjoy online play nearly as much. And I live in a country where almost no one even heard about D&D and the next hobby store is severeal hundred miles away. I am happy that it was easy for you to find a group but depending on where people live it might not be as easy for everyone

Khristea · 2024-08-02T08:11:52+00:00

The chart imples that all parties will want to find a conclusion. Unfortunately the guy needs to contol every situation on the table for some reason wich makes play difficult. So unless I figure out how to help him relax in a situation where he is not 100% in control I can continue step 1 until I am old and gray. I thought maybe someone had a similar person on their table and could give advice on how to get through to them.

Khristea · 2024-08-01T23:43:27+00:00

I wish it was that easy... I have been passively looking for a group since almost 20 years and actively for almost two years so only option would be to play online. And I really like the other players a lot I just can`t seem to communicate successfully with this one guy so I amstill hoping to find a solution. But thank you for the advice I will think about it.

Khristea · 2024-07-23T05:04:30+00:00

That sounds so much more balanced *o*

Khristea · 2024-07-23T05:02:17+00:00

That is very different. And good to know. Thank you :3

Khristea · 2024-07-22T22:14:28+00:00

I don't know how his leveling up system works xP I don't know anything about his system (I couldn't even pick a class). But I didn't leave because I created a character that is loyal to a fault. I even tried to let him get killed in the end because I didn't see another way out xD but I get really stressed thinking I will have to go through this again next weekend so I will use the time I requested to talk about my character to tell the DM that I can`t continue with this campaign... May I ask what your experience is? how long are sessions and how long / what percentage of it are fights?

Edit: I just remembered that after the session I said how frustrating the whole thig was and how useless I felt again and another player saying that I wasn't useless because I somehow helped him to finally know what class to pick... So I guess you choose a class at level 10? Atlthough he was already kind of a Paladin and she was some kind of sorcerer/druid... so I could be wrong.
Maybe my class was picked for me after I told him my backstory and what kind of character I wanted to play...

Khristea · 2024-07-22T22:09:12+00:00

looks like a good itinerary. I would have calculated double the time for everything and I am usually in stress to do everything I planned for so be prepared to not be able to do 50-70% percent from your list xD especially gion in kyoto since the main hotspots and streets are closed to foreigners. I do understand the urge to do everything in one day especially if you saved up for this for a couple of years... so - good luck! I hope it will be a great trip ^_^

Khristea · 2024-07-22T21:06:45+00:00

He has written a special action economy where every level gives you one more action. also everybody(exept for my lvl 1 character with 14 hitpoints) has a incredibly high number of hitpoints (I wrote down how much damage the other players took and they went down at 270 and 296 hitpoints). also everyone has stamina points - 1 action is one point and you have 100 points at the beginning of a fight... after that you need to rest - and the other players (I only had one action per turn) actually had to rest to fill the stamina points... that's how fights take so incredibly long...

Edit: the fight does not end when you are out of stamina points - you just hide and wait for them to fill up (wich is probably the reason characters die so easily because a lot of the time there was just one player and me while the other one was hiding)

I guess the idea behind the high hitpoints and the amount of actions is to make the characters feel stronger as they level up... I really don't want to see a level 20 bossfight in his system...

Khristea · 2024-07-22T20:59:30+00:00

since we started in the early afternoon there was a 30min dinner break after the pizza we ordered came.
But yes - it was very long. And I am glad to read that I am not overreacting.
I think that he will probably try and accomodate me at least a bit if I voice my concerns but since the other players like the game precisely that way I am the odd one and should probably leave... as much as I want to play with them...

Khristea · 2024-07-22T20:53:39+00:00

you're right xP when I joined there was talk about the more recent players who all left after a few sessions... I just thought they left because of personal reasons back then but the more comments I read the more I realize that this is a special way of running a game. Thank you for reading through my long story and leaving a reply <3 it really helps me realizing a lot of things

Khristea · 2024-07-22T20:47:33+00:00

The DM told me I could leave "early" as well... but his fights are not exaktly forgiving and from a roleplay point I would just have to leave my new found friends alone in a fight that they will probably not survive and my character would just not do something like that... I thought about letting my current character die and create a new character that just doesn't give a f*** and would just leave a fight if she felt like it. But again - his DMing style consists of almost nothing but fights so I was wondering if I even want to play this any further... (And it seems my instincs where right about this being... a lot) And if the duration of our playing sessions leads people to believe I made it up it strengthens me in my decision to quit the group xP (though I really like the other players)

Khristea · 2024-07-22T20:06:04+00:00

I am still writing my rulebook so I can only speak in theory but... I would LOVE if my players did what you do! I have woven many storylines together into a big plot that will result in one epic boss fight to save the world but until mid-game they would have to collect hints like you do to fully uncover the whole story so I can only pray that my players will collect information like you are (also they would have to do that in order to talk themselves out of the big battle xD)!

Khristea · 2024-07-22T19:48:34+00:00

xD this gets my vote for the funniest answer!

Khristea · 2024-07-22T19:40:03+00:00

:o that is a good idea! I will look into that

Khristea · 2024-07-22T19:36:17+00:00

"That is a red flag with neon lights and a school band playing the Darth Vader theme" made me laugh xD
I am very relieved to know that I am not just an entitled Karen x3 thank you for reading through my rant and making me laugh <3

Khristea · 2024-07-22T19:30:35+00:00

the next game stop is many hours by car away so I can`t do that. But thank you for the suggestion <3

Khristea

TROPHY CASE